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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To take the day off?

74 replies

PlsPlsPls · 22/01/2019 04:57

Posting here for traffic rather than on MH board.

My mental health has been in steady decline for a while now. I've felt like I'm losing it on a fair few occasions, been feeling suicidal and been self-harming (not the cutting kind, but there are other ways).

I started a new job a few months ago and I'm still in the probationary period. If I take the day off it would be my third period of illness (the others lasted 1-2 days each as I was conscious about getting into work again asap) and it could trigger all sorts of things; my attendance has previously been raised as a concern, even though otherwise my boss is very happy with my work.

Yesterday was the straw that broke the camel's back and I realised upon waking up this morning that I really need help. I am even ready to take medication - something I have always refused - just to get some clarity back in my life. I have a family and mortgage. I want to phone my GP first thing and try to get help through a crisis team if necessary.

I worry about taking the day off and if SS get involved if I actually talk about how I feel openly with someone. I worry I will lose my job, but feel like I cannot go through another day and wait; I would have to work late tonight as well and I have an important deadline tomorrow.

WIBU to take the day off? I really cannot tell.

OP posts:
AndItStillSaidFourOfTwo · 22/01/2019 06:34

I was ready to say go in (although I think sickness policies in the UK are inhumane, ridiculous, pointless (in terms of encouraging productivity) and beyond intrusive) and then read that you would be expected to work 10.5h without even a loo break. No. That's not on. It doesn't sound as if you are staffing A&E after a major incident or rescuing people after a natural disaster - which are the only scenarios I can think of that would ever justify such conditions. I think this job, your workplace and your management have an inflated sense of their own importance, and you are buying into that to an extent, to the detriment of your mental health. I don't know what you do, but I am as certain as I can be that not all workplaces in your field are like this. Take the time, present yourself to a medical professional who can determine what you need and how much of it, and start looking for another job.

Aridane · 22/01/2019 06:47

Can your husband book your appointment ?

SaltedIceCream · 22/01/2019 06:57

Sorry but I would of said you needed to go in.

Your on your third period within your probation which is a lot in a short amount of time.
You have a big deadline which you will now miss.
You have said you NEED the job money wise.

There’s a huge chance they will let you go for some reason at the end of your probation specially if you go off on long term sickness.

But your MH is more important so I would get yourself sorted and look for a new job in the meantime.

I wish you all the best OP

LadyintheRadiator · 22/01/2019 07:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Karigan195 · 22/01/2019 07:08

So you’re on probation with an important deadline looming and you want to quit? I get that your mental health is important but surely you can keep it together one more day. If you don’t I doubt you will have a job to return to. Phone the gp, go into work, tell the boss you’re feeling a little overwhelmed and ask if there is any assistance possible and organise some mental health care ASAP.

Karigan195 · 22/01/2019 07:10

I do not believe that you have to work 10.5 hrs without a loo break btw. That’s against the law. Take your breaks

thatmustbenigelwiththebrie · 22/01/2019 07:11

I think you should go in. If you're going to feel like crap you may as well feel like crap at work rather than home where there are distractions and it saves you getting into trouble.

PatchworkElmer · 22/01/2019 07:17

I’d go in. You’re just heaping more problems onto your mental load if you don’t.

Ask to make a phone call. You’re entitled to a break.

Namechangedforthis79 · 22/01/2019 07:20

You are at crisis point. You MUST see your GP and get help. There are other jobs, if you lose this one. If things carry on the way they are then losing your job may be the least of your worries.

If you've been suffering for more than a year your illness may constitute a disability and you may have more rights than you think.

PoutySprout · 22/01/2019 07:21

Probation is a red herring. You don’t have employment rights for the first 24 months of employment (barring discrimination). Have you declared your condition? It is t a magic bullet but it does offer you some protections.

PoutySprout · 22/01/2019 07:22

*isn’t

Spidey66 · 22/01/2019 07:28

If you're working such long hours, does that mean you're only working 4 days pw? Can you make an appointment for the 5th? Does your GP allow you to book online?

Hortuslover · 22/01/2019 07:30

I can believe working without breaks. I do it often. From 7am-8pm (sometimes 9pm). I do get a very quick 10-15 minute break at about 11.30 but that’s it.

ChesterGreySideboard · 22/01/2019 07:33

Working relentlessly like that is not only illegal it’s bad for anyone’s mental health, let alone someone with mental health issues.
They sound like dreadful employers.

TheLittleDogLaughed · 22/01/2019 07:35

Take the day off, get the GP to sign you off for a couple of weeks and go hell for leather looking for a less stressful job or work you can do from home?

Cheerymom · 22/01/2019 07:35

You are very ill and in need of medical help. Do not go in. if a work place sacks you for having MH issues you can sue the arse out of them. You need medical help and cannot be expected to work, get a good review of medicate available as you said you were open to it.

I started a new job once and had a complete breakdown ( unrelated to the job ) with a month, had a month off, including hospitalisation and then had a very happy ten years in that work place before I moved on. I am shocked that people are advising you to go to work with chronic and crisis point in need of intervention MH illness. They would not with any other illness I imagine.

Original poster
PlsPlsPls · 22/01/2019 07:45

I phoned in, refused to discuss it at this point with the person sorting out my cover for today, but have been advised I will need to speak to HR upon my return. It makes sense; I have no idea how supportive they will be, but at this moment in time I cannot do this without help and it absolutely cannot wait until I have time off in a few weeks. I recognise how bad it has become as I am at the same point I was at a few years ago where I acted differently and ended up in resuscitation after a suicide attempt. But now I have a family to worry about. Priorities, I guess.

OP posts:
Namechangedforthis79 · 22/01/2019 07:49

I am so relieved to hear that you haven't gone in. I hope that getting an appointment with your GP today will be straightforward and that you can start to access the help that you need.

Catmint · 22/01/2019 07:50

You've done the right thing OP. Prioritise getting better, then your resilience to cope with job, money etc will improve.

Probably not for right now, but you might Consider whether work could / should make reasonable adjustments for you and how youd state the case.

crimsonlake · 22/01/2019 07:55

Poor you, you have done the right thing, your health comes first no matter what. I hope you get the support that you need.

Snog · 22/01/2019 07:57

You need a job that can accommodate your mental health requirements and this one sounds pretty bad for your health OP.

It was the right decision to prioritise your health today.

SarahET · 22/01/2019 07:57

Well done OP. Whatever happens with your job will happen. This is such an important step in making sure you are well. Very proud of you for making a difficult decision.

OfficeSlave · 22/01/2019 07:58

Well done. Get signed off and start getting help. No job like you describe could possibly be good for your mh anyway. You need to get out. Be kind to yourself and don't worry about HR, this is your life and health. There is more to life than work.

You have been good to yourself today, you have recognised your limits. Best of wishes OP. x

Namechangedforthis79 · 22/01/2019 07:59

The hardest and bravest thing to do is to realise where the line is and get help before you cross it.

CurlyWurlyTwirly · 22/01/2019 08:02

Good for you for biting the bullet op.
I hope you are able to get some help from your go today. I guess you are going to be phoning now to get an appointment.

If you are meeting with HR when you get back, I would actually raise the fact that only you in your customer facing role works 10 Es flat.

I think you need to be honest with them, and if this job does not work out; perhaps the next one will be a bit less relentless. Good luck for today!