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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Deleting texts....aibu

56 replies

Laurry · 21/01/2019 13:59

The weekend after xmas oh was in a mood, barely said a word to me but put this down to being hungover so just left him to it.....he sat upstairs watching tv while i dealt with the house and kids.

Went up to get ds ready for bed and his phone flashed up with a message from someone. He said it was someone he worked with (he is a delivery driver). Was a bit upset that he could sit messaging another girl but not speak to me.

He seemed shifty so i asked if i could see the messages, there were only 2, ending with kisses but the rest had been deleted.

He said it was nothing to worry about and said he would stop. Friday just gone we were looking on his messenger for something and she popped up as one of his most contacted people.....it has made me really uneasy but not sure if im just being paranoid. Is it normal to be texting with kisses to someone you work with (was only messages to her, not the other guys).

OP posts:
PBo83 · 13/02/2019 13:48

*NOW reconnecting with

PrismGuile · 13/02/2019 13:49

Also have you checked his FB messenger archives? You have to delete TWICE for permanent deletion and if he has deleted those.... almost 100% hiding something

If he wants to prove nothing has happened THEN WHY DOES HE KEEP DELETING THE MESSAGES?

Surely he'd keep them from then on to prove it if you asked again. Consider saying it's fine they're friends so long as he doesn't delete the messages as it's making you paranoid x

ATBhinchers · 13/02/2019 13:52

Genuinely even if nothing has happened physically this would be enough for me to ask him to leave. It's not just the messaging it's the withdrawal from the family, being moody; leaving you to deal with the kids,arguments etc. Doesn't sound like your relationship is in the best place anyway and this would be the last straw for me. Off you pop is all he would get from me and I mean that seriously as well.

redandyellowandpinkandgreen99 · 13/02/2019 13:58

@JaneyJimplin

My OH suddenly found me and the kids really hard work, and would take himself off in a sulk on his days off. Maybe because being stuck at home with me was depressing as fuck compared to taking his fancy woman out for expensive dinners, or maybe because stewing on my flaws helped him justify his deceit? Like, "the wife's a nag and the kids are terrors, no wonder I'm seeking solace in another vagina, I'm only human etc."

LOL at this. Grin So accurate for SOME men! Wink

OP, of course YANBU to be worried. Who the fuck deletes all their messages as soon as they come into their inbox? Only someone trying to hide something (more often than not!) I have texts on my mobile phone from as far back as a year ago!

Although I do know a woman (at work) whose DH seemed to enjoy flirting with other women, and being a shoulder to cry on for female colleagues, and it made her really insecure and quite upset. He had a big puffed up chest already, with the women at work thinking he was so nice. Hmm

But it was a double bonus that his wife (my colleague) was insecure and a bit upset by it (as he loved it when she was jealous as it showed she cared.. fucking weirdo! Confused ) He was never interested in these women romantically, but loved the attention, and his wife being insecure about it.

So he used to delete any mobile phone messages he sent or received (AND he did the same with his emails.) He also had a PIN on his briefcase, and a password on his laptop. Not because anything was going on, but because he wanted his wife to THINK there was..... to keep her on her toes.

It backfired a bit when my colleague got sick of his over-friendliness, and decided to start flirting with men, and showing an interest in them, and she ended up falling for someone else, and left the twat of a DH.

I doubt the OP's DH is doing this though - I mean, pretending he is up to something to make her insecure and grateful he is with her. Sounds like he is definitely up to no good. Especially as he is being moody and distant, and trying to make you feel like YOU are the problem! Hmm

I would keep a VERRRRRY close eye on him @Laurry and wait til you have concrete proof. I feel for you, I am sorry........ I hope you're OK, and nothing is going on! Sad

Ragnarhairybreetches · 13/02/2019 13:59
  1. He's not a kisses person but is to her
  2. He is only deleting her messages no one else's and his excuse is a false one (space)
  3. He has already said he will stop twice and hasn't.
  4. She is his most contacted person so he's not stopped or even slowed down.

I am not a jealous type either but all that up there ^ put together, is not on. It sounds very classic EA.

JaneyJimplin · 13/02/2019 14:50

I think it's irrelevant whether you're being unreasonable to ask him to delete her - because he will just message her on another platform and hide it better if he wants to. It sounds like you're panicking and trying to control the situation by making this demand, but it's probably futile anyway, if he is/intending to cheat.

Did you get access to his fb messenger on a computer? The deleted messages will probably still be there.

I will send you a personal message.

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