Visitors after birth

[Acornsforunicorn]

I know this ones been done a fair bit but I’m not sure if I’m being overly hormonal and unreasonable, or not.

I know date when I will be having baby, and in-laws have got really excited and rang dh peer the weekend saying they will be straight at the hospital and wanted to know when visiting times are! I have said it may not be possible for them to visit straight away depending how things go. They then explained That they have taken annual leave that day and they have taken the following few days off also. They got a bit defensive, saying so when I ‘do decide’ they can come, they will be straight along.

Aibu to think this is pushy? As if to say we will be visiting you in hospital as we have taken the day off? And there is a pressure on me to accept as they have taken time off work.

They live locally so could easily pop by after work either at home or at hospital once I am feeling ok, depending how things go. it wouldn’t take a lot of organising. If I was ok on the day there would be nothing stopping them doing this if it fits with hospital visiting times etc.

I’m not saying I want a three week no visitor period. I’m just trying to be realistic about how I may feel, the hospitals visiting schedule, and to maintain a little bit of my own dignity if I was being honest. Not everyone has a smooth ride and looks great after giving birth welcoming visitors with open arms.

But taking this time off, particularly the day I go in just feels like pressure to me that I should bend to their wishes or they will have wasted a day of their annual leave. It might not even be possible for them to visit that day if baby is born through the night.
It just seems pushy and presumptuous to me.
My dad is just going to work and will attend to see us once I let him know.
I would not ever expect to attend to see someone in hospital the same day as they have given birth or had an operation/procedure.

OP, I think you should nip this in the bud.

The most important thing is that you are able to get some rest and unwelcome visits should not be tolerated. Any PIL worth their salt would understand this and wait until you indicate you’re ready.

Also think it is up to your other half to handle this diplomatically, but essentially I think the message should be; “we don’t know whether she will be ready for visitors in the days immediately following birth. We’ll let you know when we’re ready. Thanks for your understanding.”

If the PIL get funny about it that’s they’re tough sh!t. I’m sure they’ll get over it!

You are the one giving birth so it’s up to you and that should be respected without question.

When I had my first, it seemed like the world and his wife were cluttered round my bed as they brought me to my room from the delivery suite. My parents, his parents, my sister, my aunt and my cousin.
My husband plonked me back into my wheelchair and took me off to the restaurant for a decent meal while they coo'd over the baby. I was starving. When we got back, baby was clean, fed and sleeping in my dad in laws arms and the family was chatting quietly amongst themselves.
When I had my second I was too far away from anyone and my husband was away, so just me, baby and midwife for first couple of days until I went home, then all the family stepped in again.
I loved having the families around to help.

Just say ‘no’. If they don’t like it tough luck and they will have to suck it up.

I had my first in Hospital but wasn't in long enough for visiting hours to have started. Though my best mate (who was a nursing student at the time did sneak in) and the 2nd I had at home with my Mum there incase my oldest woke up.
It seems to be uncommon on Mumsnet but I relished having visitors and actually called up my in laws to find out when they were coming to admire the miracle I had made !!!
I guess the fact that all my visitors knew there way around my house and either brought food or took away washing, made mades or did the dishes made them very welcome indeed!
But each to their own all I would say is be firm but gentle, theres no point in causing friction in relationships with people you may need to rely on at somepoint

To be honest, it sounds like you've told them you may want visitors straight away and they've said 'ok we'll be along once you decide it's ok'. Seems like they've agreed to wait until you give the go ahead - so where's the problem?

Blackberry that’s not how I thought I explained the situation.
They rang to ask when visiting was saying they would be there as soon as they could and when they were told that may not be possible they felt the need to mention they had put in annual leave!
So I feel that the pressure is a bit unfair and the remark about ‘when I do decide’ they can visit seems a bit of a snippy remark, as if I’m deliberately messing their plans up for their day off, thanks to my health possibly being less than optimum post childbirth. It came across like they insinuated I was being a bit precious about it all.
Of course all I want is for things to be straight forward and it would be great if I wanted to see everyone and show off my newborn.
But as I know from ds it doesn’t always work that way not all of us are that lucky.

Blue I agree with you too people share far too much these days.
But even if I had of kept due date a secret, they could have been critical about that, ‘well when you do decide to tell us’ and get shirty about that.
There is just so much pressure these days and phones and social media are the worst!

I think the advice to thank them for understanding is good the next time they comment and make out I am being obstructive.

Ragwort I think I will be a model mil in future

When I had dd2, my mil told me she simply 'had' to meet her on the day she was born. It didn't matter what time that was, she 'had' to be there on the day she was born - she would travel at any time to fulfil this requirement she had. I said throughout, it would depend what the baby arrived. Early morning, mid day - fine. Late afternoon/evening - not fine. I wanted Dd1 to come to meet her sister and spend some time just us 4; everyone else could wait until the following day. Still, MIL persisted, she 'had' to meet her on the day, there was no other option. The thing is, what mil meant, was that she WANTED to meet dd2 on the day she was born. That was it. Absolutely fine to want something, but not at the expense of a woman who had just given birth and a child who was getting used to no longer being an only and hadnt seen her mum in 2 days. Dd2 arrived late afternoon. I texted and said no visitors, they met her the next day. I KNOW mil felt put out, I also know that she judged me for it. I decided to just be fine with it. I couldnt control her feelings or make her understand my point of view. In the end, I did what was best for me, dh and my girls. Mil got over it.

Oh, and you can tell the hospital no visitors other than your dh too. They wont be allowed in. You need your space and time to recover. Do not feel guilty. Let them be humpy. It wont last - they will want to see the baby!