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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to not actually believe bottle fed babies sleep better...

30 replies

Iwannabail · 21/01/2019 10:51

And no mother... the reason you had no problem with us kids sleeping is not because we were bottle fed.. it’s because you had a bloody night nurse!!!
This is not a bottle v breast feeding thread, it’s an unhelpful non solicited advice thread! It’s a.. am I allowed to punch the next person who asks me how I slept last night for the millionth time thread... shit.. it’s still shit and you can keep asking but my answer will still be shit.. she is 6 weeks old.. it will be shit for a long time and no, it’s not because I am breastfeeding.. I just have a baby who likes to feed regularly through the night... just like you might have a baby who happily sleeps through the night!!! Sorry feel very ranty today.. and fed up of being treated like I am a Sado masachist who lives to instil bad sleeping habits in my child.. who enjoys the lack of sleep... who loves reading how my child at 6 weeks should be feeding every 3 hours on the dot and sleeping through!
It’s not just family, all these bloody baby books as well I am pretty sure exist to make you feel shit. This is my second child and once again instead of just chilling out, accepting that a baby is what a baby does and dare I say enjoy or at least accept the situation, I find myself once again obsessing over sleep, feeding etc because the books tell me what my baby should be doing.. so I feel shit she is not or I am shit for not doing what the books say I should to ‘avoid sleep props’.. or because everyone else’s baby is doing amazing sleeping.. gah!! I say enough! Oh I feel better now.. thanks

OP posts:

TokyoSushi · 21/01/2019 10:52

Mine were bottle fed, they were both the next level past horrific sleepers!

GlossyTaco · 21/01/2019 10:56

It's nonsense. I've not bf , but have ff my three. Two of them were/are terrible sleepers. My ff 14 month old wakes between 2-8 times per night and my daughter didn't sleep through until she was 3.

OlderThanAverageforMN · 21/01/2019 10:59

Burn all the books and avoid unsolicited advice if you can.

I never joined an NCT group or went to a Health Visitor or Midwife courses, I never read a book. I was fortunate to have had my babies before the advent of Social Media and Google. I declined HV visits, although the Midwife did visit for a couple of weeks, and that was lovely. I fear we now live in a world of far too much information, and much of it conflicting. You can never be right, and someone will always disagree with you.

Believe in yourself, do what you want to do, you have to live with it, so it is no-ones else's business. Good luck, and have a lovely time with your little one, they grow up quickly, my first DD just got her first job......where did the time go.

ineedsomeinspiration · 21/01/2019 11:00

Mine were both bf, first DS was and awful sleeper as a baby, much better as a toddler and no problems now, Second DD was a much better sleeper as a baby, still had her moments but generally much better. She's 3 now and often wakes in the night.

3boysandabump · 21/01/2019 11:01

Formula does keep them fuller for longer but hunger is only one of many reasons that babies wake.

Northernmum12 · 21/01/2019 11:02

I breastfed my first and I’m still breastfeeding my 9month old DD. My first has terrible reflux, was on medication, cried his eyes out constantly and still slept from 9pm till 8am every single night from 10 weeks old. He still does now that he’s 4, a rocket could go off next to him and it wouldn’t wake him up. My DD is the picture of health, never lost any weight coming out of hospital, has fed beautifully from day one gaining weight etc and she still wakes twice through the night for a feed and if a gnat farts it wakes her up. My parenting style could now be described as relaxed and flexible, we have no routine we just do what we need to do when we need to do it. Life’s so much less complicated than the books and things would have you believe

Confusedbeetle · 21/01/2019 11:03

6 weeks is very early days. Expect nothing. Try and rest when you can

ILoveMaxiBondi · 21/01/2019 11:03

Well it did mean that for my babies BUT you have a six week old baby, you get to punch anyone who asks you about sleep!

RayRayBidet · 21/01/2019 11:04

Ff two babies. First was a great sleeper. Second was hard work.

Justonemoremojito · 21/01/2019 11:05

Bottle feeder for both....... one horrible sleeper up until he was about 18 months and one amazing sleeper who slept through pretty much straight away, just different babies x

Bear2014 · 21/01/2019 11:07

BF both mine. One shit and one great sleeper. Luck of the draw!

Sindragosan · 21/01/2019 11:07

I've FF 3 babies and they've all been crap sleepers at different times.

Just remember that FF/BF is just another stick to beat women with and you're within your rights to tell others to butt out.

Aprilshowersarecomingsoon · 21/01/2019 11:07

11 dc here, all bf for various lengths of time.( 3-14 months) .
3 slept through from a few weeks..the bf for 7 month brigade.
1 was at school before he managed to not shout for me numerous times-one of above.
1 was 9 months - mixed fed.
1 was 10 months after sleep programme via gp after threatening to leave him in the pram in the foyer if they didn't give me an appointment.....
Managed to erase the horror of sleep deprivation from the rest from my mind.
Seek help op. Don't accept its a part of having a baby.

cr1479 · 21/01/2019 11:08

I feel exactly the same as you! My DD is nearly 3 months and her feeding and sleep pattern hasn't really changed much since she was a newborn.
I constantly get people asking me how she is sleeping (which I still don't understand?! She's a tiny baby. She obviously doesn't ever bloody sleep)
But then when I tell them I am breastfeeding they will ask if I'm feeding her enough before bed, or if I've considered giving her bottles during the night (which I have tried in desperation one night- doesn't work if you wondered)
It's just down to her, she's a light sleeper who likes to feed a lot.
My DS was FF from being about 2 weeks old and was a bad sleeper when he was young.
It's a crap time! We just need to do our best to get through it!

Original poster

Iwannabail · 21/01/2019 11:12

Exactly! I just wish I could accept things for what they are.. I am about to go for a cranial osteopathy appt for God’s sake ha ha! Anyway I am going to try my best to stop with the obsessing.. again and next time someone asks me how my baby is sleeping I will smile and just say.. like a fucking angel ha ha

OP posts:

ZogTheOrangeDragon · 21/01/2019 11:12

I struggled with breastfeeding DD2 for various reasons so expressed and bottle fed her breast milk as well sometimes giving formula feeds. My experience with her (so could be completely unrelated to what normally happens with babies) is that she would drink less breastmilk but wake up to feed more often. If she was given formula then she drank more of it and slept for longer. So I think for her the bottle feeding aspect was irrelevant as she got both types of milk in the same way but when given formula, she did sleep longer. That said, I agree with a PP that formula takes longer to break down and if more formula was drunk then it makes sense she wasn’t hungry as frequently. There were definite wake ups for comfort, teeth, being cold, illness though regardless is what type or how much milk she had.

Babies are all different 🤷🏻‍♀️ DD1 was a great sleeper but I couldn’t sleep as her reflux was so bad she needed to be held upright for ages and ages after a feed, so I was always too worried she’d be sick in her sleep.

WaxMyBalls · 21/01/2019 11:20

You're getting lectured about sleep by someone who had a night nurse for babies? Wow! You've done really well not to throw a shitty nappy at her.

As for the general point, there's a difference initially in that formula fed babies don't need to do the whole latching on for hours and hours to stimulate milk supply, but the differences settle down subsequently. Research shows no real difference in the amount of sleep bf and ff mothers get by a few months old. And this is all on a population level anyway, so there are bf babies who sleep through at a few weeks old and ff babies who feed every couple of hours for months and you could easily have one of those/would have had one of them had you made a different feeding choice.

Original poster

Iwannabail · 21/01/2019 11:25

My mum also told me I should take laxatives when I was pregnant and ready to pop to bring on labour.. ha ha.. I do love her and she means well but she comes out with crazy advice at times ha ha

OP posts:

HollyGoLoudly1 · 21/01/2019 11:41

for you, from the mum of another absolutely shit sleeper.

'Have you tried a dummy?'
'Have you tried white noise?'
'Have you tried swaddling?'
No, I've just been sat around twiddling my thumbs while my baby wakes up 6-8 times a night. Never occurred to me to try any of these totally basic (and useless in our case) sleep techniques. Thanks for your very useful (and to be fair, totally well meant) advice

Original poster

Iwannabail · 21/01/2019 11:44

Ha holly! Love it and to you too. I know!! Although I do sometimes say all that to my husband when I am desperate for a break and he fails at getting baby to sleep ha ha! Oh god I am just as bad as my mum

OP posts:

ItsMEhooray · 21/01/2019 11:47

From what I've seen in ante natal groups FF babies do tend to sleep through much earlier. I do think formula helps them to sleep through the night. I never offer this opinion to anyone though unless they specifically ask.

howabout · 21/01/2019 11:48

If you're awake when you need to be to deal with the baby's older sibling you're doing well. If someone asks if you are getting enough rest give them both DC to take for a walk and have a bath.

If the older one is at nursery / school use this time to sit and cuddle the baby / catch up on rest. If not then the holy grail is getting the baby and toddler to nap at the same time and no untimely visitors or doorbells / phonecalls.

BF all 3 of mine. First one actually had to be wakened up during the night for the first 3 months and the minute I was allowed to let her she slept through 8 hours. Unfortunately she started teething at 6 months and was a right misery all night every night for the next 6 months.

AhoyDelBoy · 21/01/2019 11:49

I was fortunate to have had my babies before the advent of Social Media and Google.

Fortunate indeed! I found myself googling all sorts when my DD was a newborn. I stopped doing it because it was causing significant anxiety.

I fear we now live in a world of far too much information, and much of it conflicting.

This^ and it applies to everything!

OP, you’re dealing with a newborn. Newborns sleep erratically. My DD still does at 16 months . Don’t listen to anyone’s ‘helpful’ advice or listen and nod along taking what you want from it 🤷🏼‍♀️

InSightMars · 21/01/2019 11:55

Another advising you to throw away the books and avoid internet advice sites, no one has the answer for your baby. Some babies just don’t fucking sleep! As for your mum, well you can’t throw her away but just nod and smile —through gritted teeth as you picture yourself smacking her in the mouth with a shitty nappy— she means well but distance lends to selective memory, we tend to gloss over those horrific sleep-deprived months and years when our own were babies.

Oysterbabe · 21/01/2019 12:01

To add to the anacdata, my first was bottle fed from about 5 months and has always been a terrible sleeper. Swapping to bottles made zero difference. My second is still breastfed at 13 months and has always been a really good sleeper.

Also my husband is a shit sleeper, struggles to fall and stay asleep. I'm an amazing sleeper. Neither of us are breast or bottle fed, I just mean that people aren't all the same and babies are people.

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