To ask what you would do if your child damaged something in somebody else home? Would you offer to repair or replace at your cost?

[NoNameNoGame]

What you would do if your child damaged something in somebody else home? Either by accident or on purpose.

Examples:
-Spilt something in the carpet/Sofa (stain won't come out / damaged beyond repair)
-Broken an item, whether it was cheap (under £30, expensive (£30-500) or VERY expensive (over £500)
-Marked or damaged furniture or walls
-Broken or damaged ornaments
-Smashed or broken electrical items (e.g. TV)
-The list goes on...

Would you offer to repair or replace at your cost?

Has anybody been in this situation from both sides? The "damager" or "damaged"? How would you ask the "damager" to pay? What if the item was VERY expensive?

What are you researching here?

I think when it’s something “cheap” then you should offer to replace. Eg threw a toy and broke it, tore pages from book etc.
But when you start smashing TVs, ruining carpets, stuff that runs into hundreds, thousands you just need to offer to pay the insurance excess.
Either way you apologise.

Driveshaft I would never leave 4 year olds unsupervised

Some people (adults or kids) treat stuff badly or carelessly. We don’t invite wreckers round!

sideorderofchips indeed!

I wouldn't physically be able to afford to so I wouldn't despite being mortified

If we damaged something in someone else's home then I would offer to pay. (I live in Germany and it's usual here for people to have insurance for this event.)

In the case of deliberate or negligent damage in my own home, I would expect payment. For accidental damage, I would be happy to pay (and have in fact done so, e.g. when a neighbour tripped over her daughter and threw a glass full of mulled wine all over our white sofa. She was mortified and offered to pay but we refused - it was a mere accident and a risk we took when inviting people into our home.)

If a child accidentally damaged something in my home, I wouldn't ask the parents to pay. If it was more value than my excess, I'd just claim on the insurance (although I would hope they would offer to make a contribution to that.) If it was under the excess amount I wouldn't bother.

If they did it on purpose (e.g. drawing on walls, smashing something deliberately) then I would definitely ask the parents to contribute. However I've never had any child visit my home and behave that way.

I have had a child round who accidentally peed on my toilet mat thingy and I had to chuck it away. Poor little mite was so ashamed he was crying. I just told him it didn't matter.

The only thing I've had with my DS damaging stuff was when he went on someone else's bike and somehow managed to ride it into a street sign and bend the wheel. He was only about 10 so it wasn't an expensive bike. I sent the bike owner home with a note to say if it couldn't be easily fixed at home, I was happy to pay for a repair or replacement. Apparently dad was able to fix it by just bending something back in place, which was a relief for DS.

I think it's an risk you take hosting small children?

and

I'd feel extremely uncomfortable asking any parents of any child we have hosted to pay for something I've had on show /left out etc. It's my fault surely?

Deliberately breaking / vandalising - would expect child to be disciplined and parents to pay.

Accidental, I would brush off offers to pay ( tough a shit happens your own fault for leaving item out) would get my hackles up

@Confusedbeetle, really? So a child in Reception class cannot be trusted to play in a bedroom without parental supervision? 3 and under, I agree they need supervising but 4yr olds??? I have 3 boys and one girl. None of them by the time they got to school would have wilfully drawn on someone else’s furniture. The wardrobe cost 1k and she didn’t even offer anything towards it.

I would probably offer to pay, although I would privately question whether this was just my child being naughty or a lack of supervision, I would feel more irked about the latter. As an aside, I live abroad where most people have insurance for themselves and children for such eventualities. It’s therefore considered common to pay if you spill wine on someone’s carpet or your child draws on their wall with pen. It certainly saves this kind of awkwardness.

ConfusedBeetle
Same here. Or at least I would be listening and aware of a child going in to another room. Even at 5 / 6 I would investigate if dd shut the bedroom door or it went quiet.

I would offer to replace, fortunately it’s never happened. However if an accident occurred in my house I would claim on my insurance and just accept it as ‘one those things’, years ago we had our nephew overnight to give SIL & her DH a break, nephew jumped on our hi-fi (yes, it was that long ago ) & wrecked it, we never mentioned it.

Would people really not pay? I'm surprised at some of these comments on here from people saying they wouldn't! My son broke a hand made cut glass crystal decanter of a friends and although it cost an arm and a leg to find and replace we did. If someone offered to pay me for something their child broke I would refuse but if they went ahead and just did it (as we did) I would be grateful and accept it happily.

We have an open plan house and our tv is at toddler height on the wall . It cost £3k so I'm very cautious about who i invite here . My dc have never hit a tv but some of my friends kids do and aren't stopped int heir own home . I have never wanted to be in a position where I have to ask someone for that much money so I avoid at all costs 😬

No bedroom doors were shut. We get in just after 6 on weekdays and mine have, since starting school, taken their shoes off and gone straight up to their bedrooms to get changed out of their uniform whilst I do their dinner. Then they either play in there or come back down to watch half hour of tv or go into the garden in the summer months. I’ve never constantly supervised them in the garden either after they started school.

Do you think Reception aged children are constantly supervised in class? Of course not. YR work on the basis on continuous provision so the teacher will be working with a small group whilst the others are off doing targeted independent activities.

Agree that it depends on circumstances

• was it a genuine accident or was the child behaving recklessly
• age of child
• who was supervising the child when the damage occured
• the nature and value of the item
• comparative wealth or the family involved
• can the item be repaired

I would like to think a solution/ compromise could usually be agreed, I can't imagine losing a friendship over something like this

I agree, Pinkbells.

We were walking home from school one day when my daughter slightly scratched a car with the key ring on her book bag as she scooted too close. I left a note with my details. They got in contact, very grateful. £300! But it taught my children that it’s important to take responsibility and DD gave up 2wks pocket money. Grand total of £6 but as a 6yr old that was an important lesson imo.

Nobody real asks questions like this. What do you think you might be being unreasonable about, OP?

Your post is like an exam question with all it’s sub-questions. Do people really want to read an article about this anyway?

How about “I am a journalist thinking of writing a boring article about children damaging property. Am I being unreasonable to start a topic on Mumsnet about it?”

Answer - “Yes, YABU”

Of course you should! The host should never have to ask.

Of course I'd offer, is the right thing to do, I don't think any of my friends or family would accept though. Before we had DCa friend's son broke white an expensive mirror, the parents were mortified and immediately offered to pay, we refused, it wasn't intentional children don't always think about things like that, but the fact they offered was appreciated, as was the fact they spoke to their son straight away about being more careful especially in other people's homes. The little boy had apologised straight away too without being told.

I'd try to clean up. If the damage was beyond repair, I'd pay. They are my kids and my responsibility. It would be a very useful lesson in teaching the kids to respect other people's belongings and their rules.

Now, for damage in my own house, I take precautions to make sure I do not leave sharpies/expensive things/jewellery lying about. I am not into expensive ornaments, but otherwise I just hope for the best.

We are lucky to have a playroom, where the kids are allowed a bit more freedom. My best friend's 18 month old managed to rip the wallpaper in there - no sweat, the wallpaper was a little worse for wear anyway and we could always get another roll.

But my other friend's slightly older kids (4 and 6) repeatedly damaging various toys (which seemed indestructible until they arrived), painting the playroom carpet with art supplies and acting carelessly and disrespectfully towards any and all belongings just means they no longer come to play inside the house. I don't need the hassle.

Not expensive then I'd pay whatever it cost, my child did it, not her own family.

If expensive I'd pay the excess and increase in the insurance.
Nobody should be out of pocket when it is your/your child's fault.

If they were in my care then I would try to pay towards replacing whatever they’ve broken.

However, if they were being looked after by someone else and therefore not in my care then no I wouldn’t. My ex’s adult brother once demanded we replace his Lego model because my ds broke it and some pieces went missing. He was in his grandparent’s care so it wasn’t our problem to pay for! Cheeky sod.

I would absolutely offer to replace or replace! Of course, no question. Ultimately, I'm responsible for supervising my children so if they break something, it's down to me.

I had a friend whose dd 'accidentally' took home my ds's brand new toy. Spent weeks looking for it. She finally gave it back to me when I next went round her house, all chewed up and with a leg missing?! I asked her if she had the leg so I could try to fix it but she just shrugged her shoulders!

I definitely cooled the friendship after that as I just couldn't get past the audacity!