To send DD to the party?

[ginpink]

My DD has an October birthday. The school wouldn't give out a class register list so at the time I didn't know all the names of all the kids in her class. There was a limit at the venue she chose if 25 kids to attend in total so I just invited a handful of kids she asked to invite from the class and some family friends.

Since then the class have gelled and parents have shared a class list between us.

I now feel guilty as my DD is being invited to parties of children we didn't invite. I always RSVP yes and send DD. I feel bad as we didn't 'return the invite'. I plan to invite them along to DD next party next year.

But I would also feel bad not sending her as you see those kids on Facebook where no one turns up.

I'm over thinking this aren't I? But what's the polite thing to do!?

Yes, you're overthinking this! You couldn't invite children back in October when you didn't know their names or their parent's names or anything else about them. I imagine there are other autumn birthday children in the class who would be in the same position too. Accept or refuse, depending purely on the circumstances of right now.

Yes over thinking,
If she gets invited then send her along, next year have a big party.
Invite for invite has to start somewhere

Yes you are over thinking it, especially with am October birthday. My DD had hers in February and it even the year after they gelled.
No one will bat an eyelid as long as they get an invite this year.

If it's a close friend that she plays with then definitely try and go. If she can't make it then definitely buy at least a card and hand it at the school gate.

For other people, if you can't go you can't go and it's fine to decline.

Just because someone invites you, it's not required to invite back. Lots of invitations are for the whole class rather than wanting your child's actual presence because they are friends. Not all parents can invite everybody. Sometimes kids will want to do a pricier activity with people that they actually play with and that's fine.

Massively overthinking! Why would you not send her if she's invited?!

You are overthinking it. Send your DD to the parties she’s invited to, arrange play dates with her friends if you fancy it and invite everyone to next year’s party.

You are definitely overthinking it. I can't remember who's party DD went to in October and if the parent of the child was bothered, they wouldn't have invited your DD anyway.

October is a long way away - could you not just ask them to cater for a larger number of children? They've got 9 months.

Thanks! Think my anxiety needs to chill. Xx

What everyone else said!

If she (and you!) want to strengthen that particular friendship have the birthday child over to play sometime, but don't not let her go to the party just because they didn't come to hers months ago!

Why are you even thinking like this?
If DD is invited, she's invited.
You plan to invite them next time - jobs a good 'un.

Totally overthinking.

DD got loads of party invites she went to and I only ever threw her 1 large class party and a couple of other small ones so hardly any reciprocal invites from our side. We did family days out for her birthday or just took one friend out most of the time 🤷‍♀️

Think about how you’d handle this as an adult. Would you turn down an invitation from someone you’ve got to know well, just because you didn’t invite them to a party when they were a new acquaintance?

For example, I’ve been in my job for a year. Six weeks in, I probably wouldn’t have invited my colleagues to a party. That wouldn’t stop me accepting an invite now that we’re good friends.

Don't worry about it. Some people do small parties every year out of preference or for financial reasons. Parents and kids understand that.

You’re definitely overthinking this.

If she’s invited, you can safely assume that she’s welcome to accept the invite and go to the party.

DD's birthday is fairly early in the school year. When she was in reception, we held a party at home, so had space for 10 friends. She got several invitations to parties after that where we hadn't invited the relevant child. She went and enjoyed it.

This year we had a bigger party (though not whole class) so could invite more. On the flip side, she wasn't invited to the (small) party of one child who came to both of hers. I know and get on well with the mother, and it isn't a problem at all. DD goes to all the parties she can make, but we don't worry if we can't make it.

Full class parties until she leaves this school???!!

Or let her invite who she wants-as she did the first time & as others are doubtless (hopefully!) doing!

Definite over thinking!

You’re overthinking it. My dd has a whole class party last year. This year she’s only inviting 4 friends. At her birthday, we’re in the middle of moving house, but still, I have no guilt about it. You can’t always invite everyone and that’s fine. This is life. Invite them next year if you wish but I think everyone understands that not everyone can come to every party and that’s okay.

Overthinking!

On the bright side - dh once commented that I was the worst over thinker in the world. I shall hand my crown over to you with awe.

Shall we be new best friends? We will never go anywhere or do anything as it will take each of us at least 6 weeks to reply to each text due to worrying that we haven’t quite got the “tone” right.

She's been invited .... they obviously want her at the party....it would be so cruel not to send her.

My DD invites children every year and never gets invited back even when they are her very close friends. I would love for her to be invited to more parties as it upsets her when she only gets invited to 2 a year but it makes no difference to who we invite for her. I let her invite who she wants still.

It’s fine to invite half the class to a party, especially when they’ve literally only just started school. Maybe you (and DD) will decide on a bigger party next year - if you do, you will be able to reciprocate invitations should you wish to do so. Or ask all the girls or something, depending on her friendship group.

What’s not fine is asking the whole class except for one or two children. That’s mean.

@christmaschristmaschristmas that's the most obvious thing ever, how did I not see this!?

@Mumoftwoyoungkids oooooh thanks I get a crown

If I don't invite every child I just feel somehow responsible for all the kids that never get party invites.

I'm seeing now I may have issues.

Thanks for all the replies

DS turned 5 the day after he started Reception. We took him and his best friend (also in his class) out for the day, and had a big party the following year.

You are massively overthinking. I doubt anyone else has even noticed.