AIBU to think that commenting on Instagram posts of amateur "pornstars" is unacceptable?

[onecrazycook]

Ok, so a quick update for those of you who remember old posts from me. I finally found the courage to leave my husband early last year and been in a relationship for the last 8 months with a 33 year old guy. I'm 41.

I recently was on Instagram and came across a page that I didn't realise was there that shows the "likes" and "follows" of those you are following. At the top of that page was my partner who had liked 8 photos.
These photos are in thumbnail form on this page and out of curiosity I clicked to see what they were. They were all photos of amateur porn stars on accounts where you can DM and pay for them to send you x rated material. I wasn't bothered by this at all. He's a guy. Guys watch porn. It's fine. But what I was shocked to find was that he had commented on some of these photos with quite explicit descriptions of what he'd like to do with these women - and that upset me. A lot. I don't know why and I'm not sure I'm being entirely reasonable about it.

I have spoken to him about it and he got the hump and accused me of stalking him. I genuinely came across this by pure chance, but now he's pissed off with me and I am with him too.
AIBU?

Yanbu as Instagram is not for porn. You can report porn accounts.

But he is your ex. Don't follow him on social media or comment on what he does. You aren't connected to each other any more, and you are only holding yourself back.
Its time to let go and move on.

He's not her ex, he's her boyfriend.

I'd dump him. He's a sexist arsehole

I'm not sure if it the ex or current partner that has been leaving the comments.

He's a guy. Guys watch porn. It's fine.

Mine doesn’t. It wouldn’t be ‘fine’ with me.

That’s absolutely vile and of course you aren’t stalking, any of his followers can see his likes and comments so I hope he doesn’t have family on Instagram?! Maybe he doesn’t realise that it’s visible. But I have no respect for men who publicise their sexual fantasies like this, what do they hope to gain? It’s like they think these pornstars might actually be turned on by their gross comments, when at most they’ll only be getting off on the power they hold over pathetic men......

Besides their weak, cock-driven impulses it’s also really disrespectful to your relationship and I’m sure he’d have something to say about you sharing pictures of Tom Hardy on your Facebook with explicit descriptions of what you’d have him do to you.

YANBU. He’s putting this stuff on a public platform for anyone to see, so YANBU to come across it and also YANBU to be skeeved out by the things he’s writing

He is a prick! He's tried to put the blame back on you for something he's done wrong! Gaslighting I'm thinking.

He is publically disrespecting you and your relationship.

It's disgusting.

Why don't people read posts properly before replying?
OP he's out of line. I don't see the difference between what he's doing and if it were someone he knew IRL in which case I would class it as cheating. If you aren't comfortable with it then he should consider how he's making you feel instead of getting a hump like a 4 year old.

Just to clarify it's my current partner. I realise there's a big age gap and perhaps there are differences culturally with attitudes toward porn due to that age gap.

I really don't cate about the porn, I sometimes watch it. Sometimes we watch it together. It's the comments that I'm upset by.

It's not like he's ever going to meet these women so I'm kind of in two minds whether I should be upset by it, but I am.

My DH is in his 30s and doesn't watch porn. Neither does he plaster explicit comments to porn girls on social media.
It's not an age thing, it's a not being a creep thing.

I wouldn't want someone like that touching me, he would make my skin crawl.

My other half is in his early 30s and we'd be done if he commented on anyone's photos with what he wanted to do to them sexually.

I'm not sure what to do about this. I love him. He's otherwise amazing.
These women aren't "real" but also I really don't want him doing this

He's gaslighting you.

Looking at porn is one thing. I probably wouldn't be that bothered if my boyfriend was looking at it, assuming it wasn't anything violent or disturbing. However, commenting on pictures and attempting to interact with the women online in a sexual way is a completely different thing and totally unacceptable for any man to be doing in a relationship. It's not an age thing.

(Oh, and by the way - if his argument is 'It doesn't mean anything because they're 'just' porn stars' then his attitude to women generally is a complete mess.)

Looking at porn and commenting on a pornstars pictures online are two entirely separate things. One is something many people do, the other one is creepy and leery. I’d be devastated if DP did this.

I wouldn't be able to remain with my partner if he did this. Fantasies are one thing but commenting explicit things would feel like cheating to me. The added fact that it's public for all to see would seal the deal for me. Other people that follow him will be able to see what he's been up to and how disrespectful he's been to you.
My partner is 27 and wouldn't dream of doing something like this so I wouldn't put it down to being a generational thing at all.

That is pretty disgusting and disrespectful to you and your relationship. I have no problem with porn but he described what he wanted to do to the person? That's way over the line imo.

Since you don’t have an issue with porn, how would he feel if you made similar lower comments about male performers?

It’d probably undermine his relationship with you.

Lower = lewed

Wow, OP, have some respect for yourself.

Firstly, porn is unacceptable.
Secondly, your boyfriend is publically disrespecting you and your relationship.

Thirdly,

Many Pornstars Viewed Online are actually dead and buried. Their work killed them.

I'm not sure what to do about this. I love him. He's otherwise amazing.
These women aren't "real" but also I really don't want him doing this

But op these women are real people, they aren't computer generated images

Pretend for a second that these are not amateur porn stars are were just local women or general women online he was leaving explicit sexual comments under their photos?..I would class that as bordering cheating, because he is publically throwing out a line to see if any of them will answer, and he's publically saying for the whole world to see that he wants to do sexual stuff to them

Hes not so great, you thought he was great, but have now seen the real him...this is the real him, the nice him was the act to keep you sweet while he perved over other women ,

Id have to finish with him if it was me, that would be a step too far and a big disrespect to me and the relationship

He's writing about what he wants to do to these women... seriously? If he had the chance would he actually follow through?
I'm sorry but you need to have more self respect and either leave him or demand he stops disrespecting you.