AIBU to think that commenting on Instagram posts of amateur "pornstars" is unacceptable?

[onecrazycook]

Ok, so a quick update for those of you who remember old posts from me. I finally found the courage to leave my husband early last year and been in a relationship for the last 8 months with a 33 year old guy. I'm 41.

I recently was on Instagram and came across a page that I didn't realise was there that shows the "likes" and "follows" of those you are following. At the top of that page was my partner who had liked 8 photos.
These photos are in thumbnail form on this page and out of curiosity I clicked to see what they were. They were all photos of amateur porn stars on accounts where you can DM and pay for them to send you x rated material. I wasn't bothered by this at all. He's a guy. Guys watch porn. It's fine. But what I was shocked to find was that he had commented on some of these photos with quite explicit descriptions of what he'd like to do with these women - and that upset me. A lot. I don't know why and I'm not sure I'm being entirely reasonable about it.

I have spoken to him about it and he got the hump and accused me of stalking him. I genuinely came across this by pure chance, but now he's pissed off with me and I am with him too.
AIBU?

End it.

I'm going to talk to him about it again and if he doesn't see the issue and stop it I will end it.

Please read the link that CoffeeMilkNoSugar posted, op, if you need further bolstering.

How sad. Having finally got shot of your ex, you're here again, seemingly needing others to give you permission to follow your own mind. You don't need our validation.

He's trying to get them to talk to him. He's literally hitting on other women.

Are you going to wait until you actually catch him in the act?

I really don’t agree with men watching porn ‘as it’s just what men do’. I think what he’s doing is distasteful and extremely disrespectful to you.

I'd be upset too. If I'm honest I'd probably leave him based on those being his standards as acceptable in a relationship

I found this out about a (male) friend recently and here's why I didn't like it and have dropped the friendship ... there's nothing wrong with being sexual, but I personally think it crosses a line when you're willing to commodify someone else's body and sexuality in order to get your rocks off. It means you're not approaching sex as something to be negotiated with a partner who is equally willing and on equal footing with you. It's something you think you have a right to purchase with no consideration as to whether the other person wants it with you, or at a particular place and time. Women's bodies and sexuality become something you have a right to because you want it and have the power to buy it.

In other words, it's more bullshit male entitlement. Even when the "amateur" sellers appear to be very "empowered" and in control.

You can try reporting these amateur porn accounts to Instagram, but in my experience IG doesn't much care ... it can be dead obvious that the individuals are advertising sexual services via the platform, but as long as they've got an emoji or whatever covering up any actual nipples or arsehole or whatever, apparently it doesn't "violate community guidelines."

The explicit comments that anyone can read is disrespectful to you and the relationship. I wouldn't put up with that BS.

I would count this as cheating. Not acceptable on any level, either within your relationship or with regard to his attitude towards women.

I wouldn’t honestly care, but you do so that’s what matters.
Mind you, I do think giving your bloke a chance to realise this bothers you and stop the behaviour is only fair.

How sad. Having finally got shot of your ex, you're here again, seemingly needing others to give you permission to follow your own mind. You don't need our validation.

I'm not asking for validation. I'm asking if people thought I was being unreasonable, which is why this topic is called AIBU. I don't need belittling or patronising, thanks very much

Not belittling or patronising you. I genuinely think it's sad. You are so totally reasonable I don't know why you would doubt or need to ask others if you were unreasonable (ie, seeking some form of validation or back up). He's another arsehole and you know it. Get shot.

That would absolutely be a deal breaker for me.

I ended it. I'm gutted. He just doesn't get that it doesn't matter if it's someone on Mars, it's still hitting on other women.

😢

Ahh onecrazycook. It really sucks right at this moment. And I know that you will be wishing ' why couldn't he just see why its unacceptable?'....but he couldn't and you have done the right thing.

rooting for you. xx

I think the difference between that and watching pin is that....I know it's unlikely but what if one if them had seen his pic and he was her type and she'd actually replied. What if one of them directed him towards their private Web Cam work. Or what if one of them was also an escort and said they worked in his area and they should meet up etc. After sending an explicit message would he really have just not responded if they'd bitten? Surely he only messages them on the off-chance they will message back?

To be honest they are in other countries (USA and Canada) so he's not going to meet them but that's really not it. It's the desire to get a response that's the issue. And that this stuff is public 😟😟

To be honest they are in other countries (USA and Canada) so he's not going to meet them but that's really not it. It's the desire to get a response that's the issue. And that this stuff is public

Op in this day and age being in another country doesn't protect a relationship from cheating...if a women who he commented on liked the look of him they could move on to having an online relationship with phone calls, Skype, emails etc and then arrange to meet up ..never think your relationship is safe just because the woman he messages is in another country...people do fly to meet one another...in this day and age of people meeting online it's almost normal to hear about couples from different countries meeting online..

Anyway don't be tempted to take him back, he isn't sorry, if he was he would have said sorry when you first confronted him about it

Jealous much?! 😜