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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hate lads night

30 replies

Kindofnewtothis · 19/01/2019 20:20

I know this comes across as controlling and insecure, but here we go..
I love my partner to pieces and his mates are all cool, but we are the type of couple who have separate friends but always mingle as a couple as well if that makes sense.
DP seems to always be going on these lads nights, basically and three other men in a pub, possibly clubbing afterwards. We're both young and I'm all for going out and having a good time, I have a great social life and I also go out with my friends.
Last night DP went out with his mates on one of these lads night and I stayed in, no problem at all. Tonight he's going out again, again no problem, but when I ask to come he's all like "I'm sorry but I think it's just lads tonight". This seems to be happening a lot recently. Surely every night out can't be "lads night". His friends like me and I like them so what's the issue? We aren't the type of couple who are joined at the hip and both are quite independent, but it seems to be every time atm.
All I can think is that he doesn't like my company on nights out, or maybe once I've had a drink, and is using this as an excuse.
I honestly feel like a 1950s housewife who's DP isn't letting her go to the pub 😂
I know I'm probably overthinking it, and that's why I haven't said much about how I feel to him, because I don't want to sound like a lunatic. But it is something that's slightly bothering me.
Any input appreciated x

OP posts:
Aprilshowersarecomingsoon · 19/01/2019 20:22

He needs a prompt to remember couple nights imo.

Littleloaf · 19/01/2019 20:23

I have no advice, but I know what you mean. I have no issue with DH going out with his friends, but (pre-DC) I would have been a bit miffed if I wasn't welcome from time to time. Have you mentioned it to him?

NC4Now · 19/01/2019 20:23

Do any of the other lads have partners? And to they go out?
I do think it would be strange if a group of four lads were out together and one brought his Mrs, the same as if four girls were out together and one brought her husband. It just changes the group dynamic.

BejamNostalgia · 19/01/2019 20:24

Could he be cheating? Does he stay out overnight? Two lads nights in a row at the weekend is weird, especially if regular surely his friends have partners who want to see them too?

Does he stay out overnight? Any other signs? Working late? New clothes?

starzig · 19/01/2019 20:25

Could you not go out with your girlfriends? The only person keeping yourself in is you.

Original poster
Kindofnewtothis · 19/01/2019 20:26

I've tried to mention it, but is difficult to not sound a bit crazy! I understand that four men and one brings his DP is a bit naff, but it always seems to start out the four lads and then they bump into other lads/women they know so half the time there ends up being other girls there too. The other lads have girlfriends/wives but they seem the type to just not go out at all really. I don't want to be the weird girlfriend that shows up but surely on a night like tonight where I wanted to go out but had no options it isn't the end of the world. I've brought him out once or twice with all the girls and everyone's loved it 😂

OP posts:
Morgan12 · 19/01/2019 20:27

I would be annoyed at two nights in a row to be honest. Especially if he knew you had no plans tonight.

Aprilshowersarecomingsoon · 19/01/2019 20:29

Well quick book him for next Sat and make plans!

Original poster
Kindofnewtothis · 19/01/2019 20:30

I'd like to say he isn't cheating, I trust him 10000%, but then again if one of my friends told me this I'd probably suggest the same to her ahhhh 😢

OP posts:
Hullaballooooo · 19/01/2019 20:30

Definitely not being unreasonable, that's annoying. Time to go out & not be there when he gets back. Just tell him "ok well I will also go out then, have fun."

Go catch up with some friends, or go to a late showing at the cinema. Or even just go hang at your parents & stay over or something, leave him guessing. Maybe stay overnight.

Grin have fun!!!!!

Original poster
Kindofnewtothis · 19/01/2019 20:31

I think I'm going to make a bit of a joke about it and see how he reacts. I'll tell him he owes me a date night for all these lads nights he's been going on and see how he reacts!

OP posts:
NC4Now · 19/01/2019 20:31

I’d arrange to go out with the girls, and maybe bump into them later.

Mummadeeze · 19/01/2019 20:38

I wouldn’t be happy with this at all to be honest. I think you should be able to go out and have a laugh with groups of friends as a couple. I don’t do this but my relationship is on its last legs. When we were happy we used to invite each other to most things. A purely girls night or boys night should be for stag/hen do’s and maybe the occasional special occasion. Not the norm. You sound very relaxed, tollerant and nice but I think he is taking the piss a bit, sorry.

NC4Now · 19/01/2019 20:53

Do you have kids?

CoughLaughFart · 19/01/2019 21:18

A purely girls night or boys night should be for stag/hen do’s and maybe the occasional special occasion. Not the norm.

Why? I can’t see the problem. I don’t blame the OP for being annoyed that her partner wanted to spend both weekend nights with someone else, but to ‘hate’ lads’ night is a bit OTT.

BejamNostalgia · 19/01/2019 21:25

they bump into other lads/women they know so half the time there ends up being other girls there too

He goes out, refuses to let you come and ‘bumps into other women*?

If he’s not cheating now, I suspect he wants to. Sounds like he might have his eye on one of the women he ‘bumps into’.

BackforGood · 19/01/2019 22:02

Can you set the scene a bit more? People have very different ways of using the word 'partner'.
Do you live together ?
How old are you ?
How long have you been together?
Do you have dc?

Original poster
Kindofnewtothis · 19/01/2019 22:27

We are both in our twenties, been together for three years, not currently living together though we were-just situational. We will begin ttc once we find a new home x

OP posts:
BusySnipingOnCallOfDuty · 19/01/2019 22:51

I'm sorry, but I've always found the concept of lads or girls nights out rather shit.

There's nights out and nights in.

The last guy I dated who pushed me out constantly like this, I dumped him.

The expectation is always that I should have girl mates to go out with.

I'm not particularly the sort to have many female friends.

And I cannot stand the sort of shit expected by groups of girls going out.

Your bloke sounds like a bit of a limp penis TBH. Him and his type need to include others regardless of gender, grow up, and get with the times. This isn't the fucking fifties

BetterEatCheese · 19/01/2019 22:57

I don't think the lads night is particularly odd as we organise nights out where is it quite clearly a ladies night. If one of us turned up with our husband it would change the dynamic.

These are occasional though. All the time and two nights in a row is a bit much though.

BejamNostalgia · 19/01/2019 23:13

Ah. So you’re not living together, for some reason you had to stop living together. He’s regularly making excuses why he can’t see you.

He’s either cheating or he’s preparing to finish it for another reason. I’m really sorry to be brutal, but if you’re not living together and he has an active social life which doesn’t include you, it doesn’t sound like there is much going on in your relationship. It sounds like he just sees you occasionally when he feels like it. For a shag maybe?

I’m really sorry, it is brutal but I think you’re deluding yourself. He’s not living with you, you don’t see him often, he’s regularly going out and leaving you on your tod doing nothing.

He’s not looking to settle down with you and a baby. Sorry, he’s just not. If he was really into this relationship, he would be making a big effort to see you now you’re not living together. Well he could at least spend one night of the weekend with you! He’s stringing you along. Sorry.

StreetwiseHercules · 19/01/2019 23:14

“I understand that four men and one brings his DP is a bit naff”

This.

BejamNostalgia · 19/01/2019 23:22

Even bearing in mind that though hercules, even though they don’t live together, he’s going on these nights out without her all the time. That’s not thinking it’s naff to take your missus on a lad’s night, that’s checking out of the relationship.

MyKingdomForBrie · 19/01/2019 23:22

I wouldn't be ttc until you've lived together a year or two, sorry but he doesn't sound ready. If you have a baby you will not want him on 'lads nights' twice a weekend and if that's where his head is at he might end up resentful of the culture change.

Fiddie · 19/01/2019 23:26

Two in a row?

No. Somethings not right.

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