To be annoyed at my flatmate showering at 2am?

[Bananafritter]

So for a bit of context, in a flatshare with a few other people. Get on well with most of them but one of them has always been quite shy and seems to avoid the rest of us. Can occasionally come across rude but I’ve always put it down to shyness/social awkwardness and it doesn’t bother me much.

She often comes home at midnight midweek. Generally I don’t pay much attention to peoples comings or goings but regularly coming home late at night seems a bit off to me as the doors are heavy and all of the other flatmates have been woken up by her on a few occasions. Not a massive deal though as it’s fairly easy to go back to sleep - if she stays in her room.

However she regularly has showers at night, any time from 2am-5am. The whole process of this is loud. The fan from the shower is loud, it’s quite a small flat and again, all other people in the flat have been woken up by her doing this at least once.

I don’t want to cause any bad blood so I’m not sure if it’s worth tackling. If she was more social I would probably just mention it casually but even then, is that unreasonable to constrict her shower times? I don’t want to make things awkward but it is quite annoying being woken up in the middle of the night when I’ve got to be up for work the next morning.

Text her. She's inconvenienced you enough as it is.

If the fan is very noisy, have the bearings gone? Does it need replacing?

I'd go the anonymous route and put a note on the bathroom door that it would be preferred if people didn't shower between 12am and 6am. Then she's not embarrassed, you haven't specifically mentioned her and she has the option to change her shower time.
If it continues, then I'd send her a text saying. Hi, sorry to mention it, but your showering at night is waking me up and I can't get back to sleep. Do you think you could shower at a different time a reasonable hour

If you don’t think you’ll see her to mention it, I would put a polite note under her door.

Are you sure she’s showering at that time. I mean is there a toliet in the shower room with a fan, perhaps she’s putting the shower on to cover any noises ?

Seems like an odd time to shower especially when she’s also got to go to work in the morning too, when does she’s sleep?

And no you don’t need earplugs or a white noise fan, communal living doesn’t mean you should put up with consistent unreasonable noise in the middle of the night. Text her and tell her she is disturbing you.

Think putting a note on the shower door is a good idea, as long as the rest of your flat mates agree that this is fair.
If she ignores it I would get up and make sure I was at the door when she finishes showering and when she comes out just say that the shower is so noisy that it wakes you up. That way you are blaming the shower and not her and she might take it better.
Failing that there’s not a lot you can do except look for a new flat share.

I personally wouldn’t text, unless very carefully worded it’s easy to offend and cause upset with a text. Speaking in person means you can use tone of voice etc to keep it amicable.

Maybe she isn't aware of how noisy the shower is.
I also shower at random times including 2 am and I have to be in work at 9. I didn't realise how noisy the water tank was until I heard it.

I would tell her nicely. If she says "oh I have to because...." I'd get some silicone earplugs, which I find very good.

perhaps put a polite notice on the bathroom door something like please do not shower between midnight and 6 due to fan noise

I'd go the anonymous route and put a note on the bathroom door that it would be preferred if people didn't shower between 12am and 6am. Then she's not embarrassed, you haven't specifically mentioned her and she has the option to change her shower time

Nope, that's a terrible idea - it's passive aggressive, annoying and cowardly. "It would be preferred" indeed! Leaving notes for your flatmates - especially "anonymous" ones (trust me, she will know exactly who it is from and who it is aimed at) - is a bad idea. Be a grown up and use your words.

This could’ve me if I lived in a houseshare. I can’t get to sleep till I’ve showered just feels wrong being dirty in bed. So if I got in at 3am I would need to shower to be able to sleep. I’ve tried not doing it I have up when 3 hours later I was still wide awake and then had a shower and no it can’t be a bath instead as that doesn’t get you clean.

Tbh - I think you and other flatmates just need to accept it really and have a nice word about it - it's probably the fan that's noisy, more so because it's on during the 'quiet' at night and more noticeable than the other times it's used because there's other noise going on.

She probably doesn't realize and might even think that she's being helpful by showering then and not when everyone else is also trying to get ready and out the door.

Instead of texting, next time she wakes you up, quietly knock on her door and be friendly about it, maybe even have some late night tea and a chat.

It's not easy sharing a small flat between 4 people.

chillpizza Then you would have to take that into consideration and make sure you got home at a reasonable hour, so you could take your shower and not disturb everyone else.
I don’t see how one persons needs trump everyone else’s.

Just a thought - if there's 2 showers, is there one that's quieter, has a window and the extractor doesn't automatically come on? Maybe, you could ask her (over tea) if she could use that one instead.

I think its strange, maybe she is putting the shower on because she is on the loo or being sick or something.
She will know that's rude, its not like just going to the loo quickly or something and why should people have to buy earplugs? That's dangerous anyway in case of fire you need to be able to hear.
She just needs asking nicely to be more considerate of others.

I wouldn't text, it could be misinterpreted. Talk to her.

Blimey, some of you have a strange idea of ‘polite’. If anyone ‘told’ me or put a note on the shower to say not to shower between x & y, I’d wonder who they’d thought they were! It’s a flat SHARE, it’s not a boarding house with a landlady.

However, if I was dong something that was annoying other people I’d like to be told so I could either change what I was doing, or tell them I’m not willing/able to change it and see what the solution was. If I was the late night shower taker and waking up several people regularly I’d move out, if the others were fine with it I’d stay and suggest a room swap - but I’d leave it to the other person to deal with the problem they were having (being woken by a shower isn’t the same as being woken by someone playing music or whatever).

I certainly wouldn’t be coming home earlier than I wanted to, to keep a person in a flat share happy...and nor would I expect anyone else to. I’m an insomniac and a very light sleeper. It’s just as well I function on very little sleep because when I was in house shares I barely got any sleep. The only time I got pissed off was when people were regularly inconsiderate and let the main door bang or slammed internal doors etc. Showering, cooking, doing laundry, watching tv etc were all things I just accepted because they were equally allowed to live their lives in a way that suited them, at times that suited them ‍🤷🏻‍♀️

Fucking glad I don’t house share anymore though 😊

Tell her! She's probably blissfully unaware that the noise is waking you all up.
Is there any way of giving her notice? Whose name is the rented flat in?

What a weirdo. In a house share you can’t just do what the fuck you like, it’s SHARE.

That’s what I thought the point was cheaper but clearly awkward as you share.

You pay more for your own house so you can dance naked to whale noises in the lounge if you like.

Okay, a shower is less odd than naked dancing but showing the principle of sharing

YANBU 2am to 5am is inconsiderate. Tell her. Or leave a note (signed)

Years back when I shared, there were communal house rules that everyone had to sign before moving in:

e.g. no smoking indoors,
keeping communal areas clean & tidy
finish using shower / bath / washing machine by latest 11 pm

She might not realise.

Why do none of you shower in the morning?!

Nobody knows why she gets in so late and must shower. She could be going from work to her gf’s and getting drunk, or she could be going from work to help with a sick family member to give others a break and that’s why she’s late.

If it’s just the fan could it be over ridden? Use say a camping light water proof so the light doesn’t trigger it.

Thing is even not in a house share if could as easily be a neighbour who’s bathroom backs onto your bedroom who showers at silly o’clock that you could hear. Pretty sure showering/auto extractor fan doesn’t fall into the councils definition of unreasonable noise.

Just politely point out that its waking you up when she showers at inconvenient times.

If she still does it, start blasting opera out about 2 hours after shes gone to bed. You'll only have to do it 2 or 3 times for her to get the message. Trust me - this works.