AIBU to be so embarrassed?

[user1496780858]

Just looking for some reassurance really. My son is 4 years old has really poor vision and has the thickest glasses. If he doesn't have them on, he can't see anything and as a result tries to divert attention away from the fact he can't concentrate on his work by basically being a bit loud and obnoxious.

We went to a football lesson today I'd forgotten his glasses - awful mum. There were new boys there and he was being over excited about making new friends. There was one boy he was constantly wrestling and pushing to the ground and the boy was laughing at DS and joining in but the other parents were getting annoyed by this. DS was also constantly running into people (because he's so blind without his glasses) but then laughing about it, so it looked deliberate and THAT was making the other parents annoyed. Then when they were playing tag DS was tagging the other kids and telling them they had to go to jail (Thats what the teachers call it in the game) which then made the same boy get upset. Another boy pushed my DS too hard in tag and DS said "that hurt me, don't hurt me I'm you're friend" to which THAT boy then got upset.

I obviously pulled him aside and told him off about the wrestling and to not be so bossy about the jail thing but I felt so small and embarrassed by the other parents reactions as obviously to them they don't know about his glasses and he's just being obnoxious. I'm also constantly having conversations about consent because he's either hugging people constantly or wrestling and 90% of the time he does listen and understand... today was just not that day and he was overexcited (and blind). Should I apologise to them next time, or just carry on next week with a new slate?

Surely if his sight is so poor he should be wearing them all he time so not sure how you forgot them?

I have very poor sight and not wearing glasses or contacts is a bloody nightmare. I literally cannot leave the house. He must be getting terrible headaches as well. Can you buy a spare pair to keep on your bag for just in case moments.

As for the parents - just ignore.

He is very young. I would talk to the other parents and explain his difficulty understanding rough play boundaries and that you are working on it. It is very common at this age

Just carry on as if it was a blip, which it was. All children (And adults) have off days.
Probably a good idea to try to tackle this behaviour as much as possible though, as it will be more of an issue as he gets older.

Surely he needs to have his glasses o all the time if he is almost blind, why isn't he?

he is 4 - thats what they do! just give him a cuddle!

I think most of it just sounds like typical rough and tumble and I wouldn’t worry. However I think if you forgot his glasses (not really sure how if he honestly can’t see without them) you should have taken him home. It’s like forgetting his shoes and it puts him at risk of injury because he can’t see dangers. But other than that I wouldn’t be embarrassed!

I can't believe people were getting so worked up about a boy being boisterous and playful.

I think the glasses are a red herring here and really it’s his physical behaviour and attitude that needs working on, especially when he’s overexcited.

He’s only tiny so this is still developing but I would be very very firm about ‘how it makes other people feel’.
Eg You accidentally ran into X. It’s not your fault but how might X feel after being bumped into? How could you make them feel better?

Really big up moments of being kind and understanding.

I’m another one who can’t fathom out how you can forget his glasses as he must need them all the time. I think you should have turned home to get them as soon as you realised you had forgotten them.

His behaviour is another issue to address but at least if he has his glasses on, you know there aren’t any excuses.

He sounds like a normal small child learning how to play with others.

But he really needs his glasses on all the time in order to be able to interact properly with the world around him - if he can't see other people's faces and body language, this can affect his ability to work grasp social rules. It's also just plain dangerous. I'm very short sighted and would never be able to play a sport like football without glasses/lenses without risking hurting myself or other people.

If you were going to get stressed out over kids pushing each other over.
Every parent would be heading for a,break down by the time their kids were 5.

Don’t worry I remember my DS at 2 being overexcited at a Gymboree birthday party (first proper party) he was given the evil eye by dad of the birthday boy who we hadn’t met as it was a nursery friend.
10 years later boys are in year 7&8 of same school and we are good friends with parents.

You can’t expect him to play football if he can’t see surely?

Tbh it sounds as if you’re making excuses for his poor behaviour. He doesn’t need to be wrestling people because he doesn’t have his glasses! My dc also has very poor eyesight without their glasses - it doesn’t make them rough with people.
I would also suggest that he will be able to see something the size of a person so doesn’t need to be constantly crashing into people - and certainly doesn’t need to be laughing after he’s done it.

If he doesn't have them on, he can't see anything and as a result tries to divert attention away from the fact he can't concentrate on his work by basically being a bit loud and obnoxious.

You're making excuses. He's obnoxious because he's bored, not because he's self-conscious about not having his glasses on. You need to tackle this properly.

Another one who is confused as to why he is ever without them if his eyesight is so poor?

He's only 4, so none of this is terrible but if I had to gently comment on something it would be this: 'There was one boy he was constantly wrestling and pushing to the ground and the boy was laughing at DS and joining in but the other parents were getting annoyed by this." I think the "constantly" is the problem here. Once or twice, fine, but I would definitely take my DC aside and tell them to stop it. Even if the other DC seems to be laughing and joining in, it's disruptive and irritating. I would want my DC to be concentrating on the actual session rather than being distracted by another child and I'd expect the parent of that other child to exert some control over them.

I don't think your DS's lack of glasses is relevant to that behaviour out TBH.

Also it might seem harmless at first but I have 3 DC and over the years this kind of larking about unchecked ends up in bumped heads and tears etc.

My son is 4 years old has really poor vision and has the thickest glasses.

I think you sound embarrassed that your DS has poor vision and has to wear thick glasses, did you forget them deliberately so that he wouldn't stand out?

Make sure he always has his glasses on OP, you can pay to have the glasses lenses slimmed down (if possible with his prescription), but really you must make sure he wears them. It will (hopefully) help his eyes develop better.

My DS wears glasses, he has a much lower prescription (at 21), than when he was 4 because he always wore them, so his eyesight improved, it was much better than it would have been if he hadn't worn them, (he wouldn't actually ever not wear them, because he could see with them and not see without them), but not all prescriptions can get better but wearing glasses is the difference between seeing or not.

There was one boy he was constantly wrestling and pushing to the ground and the boy was laughing at DS and joining in but the other parents were getting annoyed by this. DS was also constantly running into people (because he's so blind without his glasses) but then laughing about it, so it looked deliberate and THAT was making the other parents annoyed.

You just need to consistently tell him not to wrestle and push other boys, it may take a while but eventually he should grow out of this. If you don't say anything it is effectively just telling him that it is ok to push and wrestle other people and he will be the boy that people complain is always pushing and hurting their children.

You really should have taken him home to get his glasses if he couldn't play without running into other boys.

He sounds like he's too young for group activities yet. His social skills just need building up.

You need to get your arse into gear tho, he really, really should.have his.glasses at all times. Put a silk scarf or something over your eyes and walk round with it on for the day........ That's what it's like being short sighted and having no glasses.

It's awful, I feel extremely vulnerable without my specs, I have irritable moods, headaches and can be quite irrational. By not taking care of your sons needs you're causing him to feel that way.

I'm also taking from this the question that if he is so visually impaired why he wasn't wearing his glasses. That must have been very difficult for him.

Another one who doesn't understand why he doesn't have his glasses on all the time.

He should be wearing them all the time. My DC has a strong prescription and since starting to wear them at 14 months the only time DC isn’t wearing them is in the shower/bath or bed! DC even has prescription swimming goggles. How do you expect your DS to manage without his glasses?

That aside, just start a new slate next week. I wouldn’t bother bringing attention back to what happened today by bringing it up tbh.

He isn’t misbehaving because he is short sighted. He is misbehaving because you don’t stop him wrestling and pushing other children to the ground.

Whether they were laughing or not is irrelevant. That’s not how people should treat people.

Op just thought I would mention that Asda opticians thin lenses down for FREE for strong prescriptions.