AIBU to be annoyed at this incident at school?

[WeAllDeserveAnEducation]

My DS is in year 10 and can be chatty to his mates and show off / argumentative and class joker ( shouting out ‘funny’ comments). He told me today that in history his teacher screamed at him because his mate asked him for a piece of paper . This friend is work book and was told by the teacher to sort it out himself which is why he asked DS. Both got screamed at . I argued that I don’t think it was the full story and that DS probrably was at fault due to his reports I’ve read ect . DH however totally disagrees and has now sided with DS and isn’t speaking to me. Bear in mind DS does have ADHD ( medicated and provisions put in place ) we are at a point where we think so behaviours he displays like shouting out comments to get a laugh and climbing on chairs definatkey is not apart of his condition. I’m annoyed because aswell as him telling me he was screamed at he doesn’t know that his history teacher rang me about his conduct and told me about him climbing on chairs and joking with this friend of his .I have told DH. DH has sided with DS and thinks we should email school about the detention he was given for his conduct which I am totally against . This disruption upsets me as we have a DD in year 7 with Dyslexia and mild dyspraxia who struggles with disruption like this and cries to me about it because she struggles to learn with it all . Is DH right or am I right ??

Sorry I meant this friend forgot his work book not this friend is workbook

School and you are right. Your DH is wrong. Some parents can’t see when their kids are out of order. Don’t teach your son the world revolves around him.

Thank you! My family has all sorts of MH so DH has grew up feeling he could get away with things which is why u think he thinks that way. Is there any way to tell if my DS is taking the piss?

You are right. Sounds like the teacher is at the end of their tether.

School can’t do anything though do to his ADHD but I can’t helo but feeling he’s acting like a twat because he thinks he’s invincible to these teachers due to this

Ask your DH how much work he could do if there was someone constantly chatting or climbing in furniture?

School issued a detention - he should go

If DH has an alternative opinion suggest he goes to school and arrange a parent teacher meeting to discuss his child’s behaviour in class

Is DH right or am I right ??

You already know who is right.

Although I have no idea how you will deal with your DH. Your DS should attend the detention although I suspect that your DH will talk him out of it.

I knew I was righ I just needed to prove a point with evidence .DH doesn’t handle the calls from school , I do but I still let him know about them and what they said so he should know what DS is like

Your DH isn't speaking to you over this? He is your son's role model.

You’re right. Absolutely do support the school in sanctioning disruptive behaviour. Also, generally teachers don’t scream at children, as it would be very unprofessional and unproductive. A raised voice may sometimes happen because of classroom noise, but that’s very different. “Screaming “ implies fear, extreme volume or loss of control. Curiously sometimes this word is used by students who have not behaved appropriately, who don’t register their own raised voices in the same way.

If your DS is anything like my teen DS, 'screamed at' means that the teacher raised their voice.

DH has sided with DS and thinks we should email school about the detention

By we I am guessing he means you. I would just say that there is no way I will be e-mailing the school. If he wants to make himself look like the reason for your ds's behaviour then he would make that clear in an email!

Jumping up on chairs is a pretty big deal. Plenty of children talk but its very few who would do that.

The ceilings are panels which can be lifted so he stands up and pushes it up and down . DH blames his ADHD but I don’t see my DN doing that . I think he’s doing it because he thinks he can get away with it and partly that’s bad probs DH fault. As soon as I heard that I took his phone and DS played the ‘ but I’ve got adhd I can’t help it ‘ card which I’m not loving . Amount of times him tat ADHD is not an excuse

Sounds like he knows exactly what he's doing and is using the adhd to get away with it, knowing your dh is enabling him.

What do I do about it ? How do I provoke this behaviour

I think that you need to have a discussion with dh about putting in boundaries and how you see ds's life panning out. He won't stay in a job long (other than maybe lighting or aircon egineer) if he keep standing on chairs and pushing up ceiling tiles. ADHD might be the reason but he needs to learn that behaviour, even impulsive behaviour, has consequences otherwise he will be in for a big shock in the outside world. Your dh isn't doing him any favours.

The diagnosis is an explanation, not an excuse. The other concern that your DH might not have thought of is that in a few years, he may find himself supporting your DS long-term in the financial sense if he struggles to keep any sort of job due to his behaviour.
What do you think his GCSE prospects are?

YANBU.

A kid with ADHD is completely different to a kid with ADHD being a complete dickhead because they reckon it'll get them off ever having to face any consequences for being a dickhead.

I doubt he was screamed at, either. At most, it's likely that he was shouting or would not stop arguing at the top of his voice that it wasn't fair, his mate was only asking for help because the teacher wasn't helping and it's not his fault and..and....and...

He was told enough (and then probably went ballistic about how the teachers always pick on him, etc).

If you wanted to keep your OH happy, you could always email the school about it.

Email them to say that you think he's playing on the diagnosis and you fully support the school in setting out acceptable standards of behaviour and the consequences for not meeting those standards.

It would make their day.

I'm going to take a wild guess here and when he said "we" should email the school he meant you. I'd tell him he's absolutely right and he should call the school and arrange a meeting with the history teacher so he can put him straight. And I imagine the sound that will follow will be crickets...

He passed all his mocks but on,y with level 4/5 and one 7

Think I might email school but what if he’s not fobbing us off whuch is highly unlikely but still

My year 11 son has ADHD.

Diagnosed, medicated.

Never, ever, EVER has he ever behaved like that at school. And if he did I would punish him massively - he would not lose his phone for the day, or the week, he would lose it to ebay.

Second to this, I work with kids of a similar age who have ADHD. Standing on chairs is absolutely beyond the pale in a classroom environment.

After that behaviour, he's lucky to only have a detention. He SHOULD have an isolation day.

I knew he was playing on it but no teacher will dare question it so what am I to do 🙁

You know you're right. One of mine is autistic, doesn't excuse her when she's just being a complete arse.