AIBU to be annoyed at this incident at school?

[WeAllDeserveAnEducation]

My DS is in year 10 and can be chatty to his mates and show off / argumentative and class joker ( shouting out ‘funny’ comments). He told me today that in history his teacher screamed at him because his mate asked him for a piece of paper . This friend is work book and was told by the teacher to sort it out himself which is why he asked DS. Both got screamed at . I argued that I don’t think it was the full story and that DS probrably was at fault due to his reports I’ve read ect . DH however totally disagrees and has now sided with DS and isn’t speaking to me. Bear in mind DS does have ADHD ( medicated and provisions put in place ) we are at a point where we think so behaviours he displays like shouting out comments to get a laugh and climbing on chairs definatkey is not apart of his condition. I’m annoyed because aswell as him telling me he was screamed at he doesn’t know that his history teacher rang me about his conduct and told me about him climbing on chairs and joking with this friend of his .I have told DH. DH has sided with DS and thinks we should email school about the detention he was given for his conduct which I am totally against . This disruption upsets me as we have a DD in year 7 with Dyslexia and mild dyspraxia who struggles with disruption like this and cries to me about it because she struggles to learn with it all . Is DH right or am I right ??

Why is he at a school where none of the teachers will dare question his appalling behaviour? I question behaviour all the time! You can't just not set boundaries when a child has ADHD, you just have to set them firmer, and for YEARS rather than days.

Accepting that he finds appropriate behaviour difficult is part of accepting his diagnosis of ADHD. Allowing inappropriate behaviour is NOT part of accepting ADHD.

Your dh is very much in the wrong. Standing on chairs and pushing ceiling panels is really serious. He could have hurt himself or another student. It must be very hard for other kids to concentrate with that going on around them.

Some lads parents got a teacher sacked because he told the kid just because he’s autistic doesn’t mean he ca constantly act and do what he wants and he needs to stop pretending because the teachers aren’t thick and know what’s on purpose and what’s not. That’s why they won’t question

Teacher disciplinary procedures don't work like that

They don't sound like a very good school. And your son's father doesn't sound like a very good father.

What does your DH suggest you do about it?

You are the kind of parent I love! ADHD is difficult and it will effect your behaviour but there is fine line between my ADHD is making me do this and I know I can get away with it by blaming ADHD. Ask the teacher what happened maybe but don't let DH take sides.

Has DD ever told DH how much disruption affects her?

Do you think his medication is effective? Remember that as he's growing, the dose may need to change. There are also different types and dosages you can try. Apologies if you've been down this road and tried all this but I think it's worth considering as part of the whole picture (but not excusing of course because even when my child does something stupid because his ADHD gives him poor impulse control, he still has to learn that it's a stupid, unacceptable thing to do!)

Some lads parents got a teacher sacked because he told the kid just because he’s autistic doesn’t mean he ca constantly act and do what he wants and he needs to stop pretending because the teachers aren’t thick and know what’s on purpose and what’s not. That’s why they won’t question

That's not fair! It's not fair on the teacher but more importantly it is not fair on the child, coz how the hell are they going to cope in life if they think no rules apply?!

more importantly it is not fair on the child, coz how the hell are they going to cope in life if they think no rules apply?!

That is the question asked by many teachers in many schools.

@BoneyBackJefferson Yup, it is a question I ask myself most days. I can't see why so many parents don't see it!

Oops. My post disappeared.
I'm hoping I can help explain what's happening in his head.
I have ADHD.
I was reasonably contained at school, I was 'the nutty one' but I didn't misbehave as such.
Once I got to college, my behaviour changed entirely.
I honestly felt embarrassed of myself for it, I've always embarrassed easily. But I would pipe up, wander off, be inappropriate, I was a dick.
I didn't want to be a dick. It was like something inside me compelled me to behave like a dick.
Don't get me wrong, I've been a TA and kids who behave like yours are awful to be around (sorry). But he genuinely can't help it.

Some people with ADHD are more likely to act out, others less so. With me being female, mine got progressively worse after I left school. Boys tend to improve.

I think you and the school are right. It's a reason, not an excuse. But I also think your son needs some extra support outside of lessons to learn to have more control over his outbursts. I control mine much better now. My eldest is waiting for assessment but is being treated as if she has it definitely, by her school. They've asked her what helps, they've asked me my opinions. She needs to fiddle or doodle, while she's listening, so she doesn't done out or do something inappropriate.

Have a search on Amazon for 'fiddle toy', 'stimulation toy' etc. I got an amazing one from Asia which is plastic peas in a rubber pod. Took a while to arrive. But it feels amazing. It can be attached to a phone or keys.

Is this the ADHD troll AGAIN?

We have a 16 yr old with ADHD who acted like this in primary school before he was medicated but not since I would also suggest that you have his meds checked. As they grow they need a larger dose of meds to have the same effect.