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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Grown men 40+ plus calling my 18 year old a slag across the street

59 replies

Inliverpool1 · 18/01/2019 21:17

She’s in the shower scrubbing herself because she feels “filthy”. I said they were probably drunk and it’s a reflection on them nobody else and she did the right thing to keep walking so nothing else happened. She’s screaming and hitting the walls and apparently it’s all my fault.
I don’t know what to say to her

OP posts:

Haworthia · 18/01/2019 21:18

That’s a horrible, horrible thing to happen.

Her reaction seems unusual though. I would be very shaken but wouldn’t scrub myself in the shower or scream. Does she have any other issues?

formerbabe · 18/01/2019 21:20

It's not nice...what's wrong with these men FFS?

Original poster

Inliverpool1 · 18/01/2019 21:20

I could write a book about her other issues. She suffered DV at 15, a boy she liked hit her when she refused sex. Didn’t tell anyone until 2 years later. Took her to a counselling and they basically told her to get over it - that’s the bit that’s my fault - I took her to the wrong person - and now she doesn’t want counseling

OP posts:

GunpowderGelatine · 18/01/2019 21:20

That's awful your poor DD. When the hell is this kind of thing going to stop?!

MrsAJ27 · 18/01/2019 21:24

Oh your poor DD, leave her 2 calm down then have a chat with her

zipclimb · 18/01/2019 21:26

I would try find out who they were if I were you and I would contact their employers.

Not sure if you can do it?

Anyway sorry for you and your daughter.

I really think doing this every time works.

It is amazing the people I work identifiable vehicles who try it on and don't realise that you will put in a complaint.

PerfectlyPetty · 18/01/2019 21:29

Sorry but I think something else must have happened.

It’s unpleasant but screaming, hitting the walls and scrubbing yourself in the shower is not a normal reaction to having been called a name from across a street.

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 18/01/2019 21:34

That absolutely should not have happened. I just don’t understand what goes through these men’s head. I’ve never heard it here (from strangers).

To be fair I don’t understand the counsellor either. Where on earth did he/she get that from?

Your daughter’s reaction suggests that she does need some more support. It can’t just be about this horrible comment. I really hope you can get her to see that there are people who can help her

Strokethefurrywall · 18/01/2019 21:39

Sorry but I think something else must have happened.

It’s unpleasant but screaming, hitting the walls and scrubbing yourself in the shower is not a normal reaction to having been called a name from across a street.

Agree with this - something else must have happened.

GalacticChickenShit · 18/01/2019 21:47

A very extreme reaction. Has she been drinking? As long as she's safe, leave her to calm down, then try talking to her over a cup of hot chocolate or something. It sounds like something else might have happened.

gottastopeatingchocolate · 18/01/2019 21:47

Your DD needs help.
Perhaps, if she feels uncomfortable about counselling (and I can see why, but hopefully you can concvince her that they are not all the same) she could use an online service like Kooth?

mineofuselessinformation · 18/01/2019 21:51

If she will let you, get her out of the shower, wrap her up in a towel and just hold her. Let her talk if she wants.
If she doesn't want you to, you may just have to let her work through it by herself - but tell her you are there and you want to help her.
I agree with others - there may well be more to this, and it sounds like she needs help (counselling maybe?) to get past it.
Good luck, I know how awful it is to deal with a child who is struggling with a difficult situation.

Ethel36 · 18/01/2019 21:51

When I was a teenager I was once called names from a group of lads. This didn't make me want to scrub myself in the bath though. I walked home and slagged them off to my mum. Another time I was groped by a stranger. This made me feel really upset. I think something else happened to her. Ask her.

picklemepopcorn · 18/01/2019 21:54

Don't ask her! If she is reacting to the verbal abuse, then to assume there was more to it will make things worse

Drogosnextwife · 18/01/2019 21:54

That's a bit of an extreme reaction. Think you need to ask if that's all that happened.

picklemepopcorn · 18/01/2019 21:55

Perhaps there is more to it, perhaps not. Wait until she tells you. Reassure her that you agree it was awful and that the men are scum. Remind her she is safe now. Maybe she has PTSD.

delboysskinandblister · 18/01/2019 21:55

Absolutely not on what they have done.

I am concerned that something worse has happened that she is scrubbing herself in the bath.

Has she been attacked OP? I think you need to ask her.

Evaevie · 18/01/2019 21:55

Definitely have a chat with her- stuff like this makes most feel uncomfortable and angry but I’ve never heard of such an extreme reaction but of course everyone is different and the only ones at fault are the filthy men

FascinatingCarrot · 18/01/2019 21:59

Could it have triggered something more that happened with her ex than she has disclosed?
Talk to her, or just be there. She does need you no matter what she says.

lightningpaw · 18/01/2019 22:01

Thats awful, I really can’t understand why some men are like this. When I was about 14, I was walking home from a friends alone and a grown man cycled past me and said ‘I want to lick your p’. I was so shocked and upset. Words can really have a big effect on you, especially at a young age.

I really didn’t enjoy counselling but I did speak to childline counsellors over the phone when I was feeling down and it really helped me. Is there some sort of online/telephone counselling service she would be willing to try?

littlemisscomper · 18/01/2019 22:03

How did you know they called her a slag - did you hear or did she tell you?

Original poster

Inliverpool1 · 18/01/2019 22:05

She told me

OP posts:

NameChanger22 · 18/01/2019 22:06

Men are shit.

There is nothing else to say about this.

Fashionista101 · 18/01/2019 22:09

Seems a bit dramatic. It's wrong but why the extreme reaction?

Kittykat93 · 18/01/2019 22:11

Seems a very extreme reaction. I'd be upset of course but nowhere near the point of scrubbing in the shower, hitting walls and screaming. Have you asked her is there more to the story?

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