To feel like throwing the bottle out the window?

[nos123]

My 5 week old boy has colic (I believe) and screams relentlessly through the early evening through to about 1am. The colic drops seem to help but the evenings leave me feeling emotionally drained. He cries because he wants the bottle but cries when he has the bottle in his mouth. He sounds furious when he cries, thrashing his arms and legs and throwing himself back.

I ended up crying last night after his dad indirectly called him a twat. I feel ashamed to admit that this is partly because for a second I wanted to agree that the baby was a twat (of all things to call a baby). It highlighted how my own thoughts had become so distorted that I believed the baby was crying on purpose. I felt horribly guilty. I know he’s actually crying because he’s in pain and not just because he wants to, which makes me feel even worse.

I get very angry and frustrated at night and I don’t know how to stop this. I would never hurt my baby but sometimes I feel so angry and tired that I want to throw things and scream. I don’t know anyone who has children so I have no one to talk to and I’m too ashamed to admit this to anyone anyway.

I’m generally quite cheerful during the day, although most days I’m just on my own with the baby while my partner is at work (he works 10 hours a day and doesn’t really help much when he gets home). I’m not sure why I can’t cope by the evenings. Does anyone have advice?

Please don't feel bad. Sleep deprivation is a terrible thing. It's a recognised form of torture!
My baby was also a "twat". I remember the feelings of helplessness and anger in the dark. Have you asked your hv or gp for help regarding the colic?

Have you tried the anti colic mam bottles?

Oh OP, colic is so stressful. Been there and I totally understand.
My first piece of advice is get a sling and walk about with him when he starts. You and your DH will have to play tag team, one walks about with the baby and the other does stuff like make a brew, have a break for a few minutes, cook the tea (freezer staples convenience foods are your friends here). Take it in turns.
Second your feelings are all normal. Of course your baby isn't doing it on purpose, but that doesn't make it easy to cope but you know what? It will pass. It won't last forever. I promise.
Can you get anyone to take baby for a bit so you get a break? In the morning maybe? Even just for an hour so you can sit in Costa and read the paper with a hot cuppa?

Try not to worry it's quite normal especially when you have a colicky baby. My 4 month old was like that at the same age and got better by probably 3 months I think.

We used mam anti colic bottles and dentinox colic drops from probably 3pm bottles onward. I'm not sure really if it helped or if it's just a placebo affect on the parents!

Hang in there!

Don't bash yourself for thinking the baby's being a twat when he's being a twat. They're alternately angels and utter, utter bastards at that age.

Have you taken medical advice on the colic? It's occasionally solvable.

Explain to DH that you need him to pick up baby duties at say 8-10pm so you can cope with the overnight struggle.

Otherwise... commiseration, and stick with it, it'll pass. Try not to actually murder anyone. Earplugs can help take the edge off.

Honestly your reaction is totally normal. Prolonged periods of crying are very, very hard. Throw in sleep deprivation and it's a wonder any of us get through colic without throwing our babies out the window/in the bin. The most you can do is cuddle and comfort but if it's really getting too much it's fine to put them down in a safe space and go to the other side of the house, scream out the back door and make yourself a cup of tea and return when you feel like you've got your head back together.

I found holding my colicky baby and dancing round to Fleetwood Mac kept me in better spirits.

Colic was the worst 12 weeks of our lives. Pure torture. Couldn't take him anywhere, had eye on the clock for the witching hour approaching. Spent hours walking alone with him in a pram just to not feel like I was going mad. There were times at midnight and he hadn't stopped screaming we'd put him in the middle of the double bed and walk away just for sanity sake.

On exactly 12 weeks point he switched and started laughing at me (first time) - belly laughing. It was all worth it at that point.

Don't feel bad! It's incredibly hard, and most parents will have felt the same at some point. He's too little to know how you feel (or what you call him!). If it's really too much for you, have a chat with your GP; I used to wish I could throw my baby out the window but I had PND, which can be helped enormously with medication.

You're doing fine : )

Colic is a pain. I used to practically throw DD at DP when he walked in the door from working. It was always worst around 6pm, just to make cooking any dinner a complete impossibility, we called it the 'bitching hour'. Good news is that it usually improves/disappears completely at 12 weeks, hang in there.

Could it be reflux?

I also second trying different bottles. DD had a corrected tongue tie and still could not manage Tommy tippee bottles.

Two of mine were like this in the early weeks and it's so hard.

Just a couple of suggestions , try different bottles. Dr Browns improved things for us. Also what I found useful was getting as much done as possible early in the day , this meant that when they crying began I could dedicate myself to soothing the baby. I often took my son out for a walk around the park in the evening.

Keep an eye on tiredness too , give the baby the chance to nap often making them slightly less likely to struggle during this afternoons.

This does get better op , you're a few short weeks away from an improvement.

One last thing , do you have a bouncy chair with a vibrate setting? Bouncing baby in this chair might help settle them.

Good luck.

we called it the 'bitching hour'

We called it being 'in country' like the Vietnam war, and we'd mime putting on camouflage face paint.

It's utterly shit. No suggestions except it does improve. When I felt like calling DD a twat, I'd go to the shops or a park so I was in public. Not possible in the dark, cold winter though.

Don't feel bad for thinking your baby is a twat!

Most of us have been there. It does get easier (and then they become assholes!)

Homeopath, baby massage or cranial osteopath may help
They grow out of it but it's horrible

Try different bottles - different babies need different flow speeds to make sure they aren't taking on too much air.
Also keep baby on his belly as much as possible (when not sleeping) as that can help them force out the wind.

Other than that.

I second @missingstreetlife saying try cranial osteopathy. The change in my daughter was miraculous and immediate.

With my 1st I wanted to throw her out of my house never to return some nights. It sounds like twee advice but this too shall pass.

Sleep deprivation, overwhelming love, frustration all leads to these feelings and we've all felt that way. Please don't be ashamed to talk to someone- it always helps!!

Blimey, me and DP have had some blazing rows in the endless nights of babies.

I third the cranial osteopathy!!

Could it be silent reflux? My dd was like this but now we are using ranitidine (and dr browns bottles) and she is so much better.

Thank you all so much for your kind words and advice. I feel so much better knowing my feelings are normal!!

I’ve bought some anti-colic bottles and colic drops and things seem to be improving. Interestingly, he seems to have fewer problems with the pre-made formula than with the powder. Has anyone else experienced this?

(I use Aptamil formula and a perfect prep machine)

Hi OP, I've experienced colic with one of mine and it was hideous. Dh was a bit useless too as he'd just fall asleep when he'd had enough of helping (he would drive ds about for a while to give me a wee break though, that helped my mental health).
As for the colic , my hv at the time suggested comfort milk and, while I'm sure it won't work for all, it made a massive difference to us. Might be worth a try.
Good luck and remember that it will pass and that you're doing really well. Sleep deprivation is the worst.

My niece had terribly colic. My sister switched to mam bottles. Pausing to wind halfway through feed. Wind across knee and the finally lactose free formula and she was much better. She’s now 9 months and is quite far on with weening but was so much better with those things above

Good luck OP. You’ve got this and when you have we’ve got you! 💪

Sleep deprivation is very real. Don’t feel guilty.

*sleep deprivation rage. Also sleep deprived at the moment. I feel your pain.

Yes- my DD got on so much better with pre made formula as opposed to powder. When we noticed she always fully finished those feeds and seemed more settled we trialled it exclusively for a few days. The result was she refused powdered formula from then on. It was an expensive few months until we weaned her.