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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to not know what to do with DD

31 replies

SadOtter · 17/01/2019 21:18

Sorry, long but didn't want to drip feed. I am really worried about DD(10) and have no idea what to do.

Every time there is a noise she clamps her hands over her ears and gets upset.
If we go anywhere busy she grips onto my arm and starts whining.
She has started complaining about the textures of clothes.
She refuses to eat some foods due to texture, even foods she has always liked.
She has stopped making eye contact.
She has developed a few strange little habits - moving things in the cupboards so they are in a set order, rearranging bookshelves, tapping the top of the light switch before switching it off - none of which is an issue, just odd and she gets upset if things are put back wrong.
It takes 4 or 5 attempts to get her attention most of the time.
She stares off into space a lot.
She has started fiddling with things.
She seems to have lost any sense of volume control, so she'll go from whispering to shouting for no apparent reason.
She's started slapping, kicking and biting when she is angry, she is constantly rude to me and shouts at me all the time. She bursts into tears really easily and seems to struggle to pull herself together.

All of this is new behaviour which has started within the last 3 months at most, she is 10 years old.

School have said she is the same there, apart from the lashing out and rudeness, she's apparently very well behaved, polite and pleasant at school (but does cry easily). Guides say much the same.

She is never rude to her dad either and doesn't lash out at him, we live together and he tells her off about the same amount I do and in pretty much the same way, which is starting to get to me a bit because it is starting to feel like she hates me.

She started her periods about the same time she started acting like this which probably explains the moods and tears but I've never heard of it causing this many issues. She changed schools in September due to bullying which I think might be part of it but I don't know, it just feels like there is more to it than that.

OP posts:
SexNotJenga · 17/01/2019 21:20

Might be worth a visit to your GP.

Allthewaves · 17/01/2019 21:21

Print this pot off and take to gp without daughter and have a chat. I'd be worried that these issues have just started

Seline · 17/01/2019 21:25

My suggestion would be an underlying sensory processing disorder or ASD that's aggrevated by hormones.

SadOtter · 17/01/2019 21:26

Oh! I didn't think of going to the GP without her, it sounds such an obvious solution now you've said it.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 17/01/2019 21:27

Thus sounds like PANDAS has she been ill with a high temperature before all this started? It causes a sudden onset of symptoms just like your DDs.

SadOtter · 17/01/2019 21:32

@Seline I wondered about ASD, but all of it's just sort of appeared almost overnight, surely I would have noticed something before now?

OP posts:
RandomMess · 17/01/2019 21:38

@SadOtter have you looked up PANDAS?

SadOtter · 17/01/2019 21:43

@RandomMess She hasn't had a high temperature, well she has one today due to a cold but that's only been today and yesterday.

I am just reading up on PANDAS though as I've not heard of it before.

OP posts:
Seline · 17/01/2019 21:43

They're quite easy to miss in girls. It could be it's mild and barely noticeable but the hormones have acted as an external stressor.

explodingkitten · 17/01/2019 21:44

My first thought was ASD

Chouetted · 17/01/2019 21:48

I'm autistic, and my sensory issues are 1000 times worse during my periods. You might think hormones are just mood swings and chocolate cravings, but they affect so much more. It may just be some underlying sensory issues that have been triggered by puberty.

AFistfulofDolores1 · 17/01/2019 22:02

I'm concerned that autism seems to be the armchair-diagnosis-due-jour (with every respect paid to those with kids with diagnosed autism). There are many reasons why this could be happening with your DD, OP, and your GP is your best start.

AFistfulofDolores1 · 17/01/2019 22:02

*du-jour

youaremyrain · 17/01/2019 22:04

You could ring the GP and talk about it on the phone too, as an initial step

mumsastudent · 17/01/2019 22:04

temporal lobe epilepsy? as stated by others type out list (bullet points!) & showgp

WrongKindOfFace · 17/01/2019 22:15

I agree a gp visit would be warranted. She sounds anxious, poor thing. More than likely the hormone are exacerbating her symptoms.

PenguinPandas · 17/01/2019 22:28

I've got a son who is 11 and suspected ASD (going through assessment now) and it's very similar to his symptoms - did realise until 7 or 8 but thinking back a few symptoms from under 1 like hands over ears at playgroup. It's odd there would be no signs before though. Would go to GP and see if they have any other ideas - GP is person to ask initially, can go with or without child. I would get referred to a specialist for assessment and see what they think.

Would imagine some but not all of it is stress. My DD changed schools at 12 and became very aggressive and emotional but none of the noise , texture, things in order etc.

PenguinPandas · 17/01/2019 22:29

*didn't

Meesh77 · 17/01/2019 22:37

Autism (especially in females) can be masked ‘until demands exceed capacity.’ (DSM V based algorithms).

You daughter is a typical age for social demands to exceed capacity. Just a thought.

I work on an autism diagnosis team and we see this a lot.

I disagree about the diagnosis du jour. attitudes like that actually contribute to parents not being taken seriously.

I agree you should discuss with your GP

nos123 · 17/01/2019 22:42

I wonder about ASD. New research has indicated that ADHD symptoms in girls tend to occur after the onset of puberty, unlike in boys. As ASD and ADHD are often comorbid I wonder if the same could be true for ASD? Obviously this is just an assumption based off preliminary findings.

Still, it sounds like she may have issues with sensory processing. Does she have the same issues with sensory processing when out with her dad? If not then I’d say it’s purely a behavioural problem as she wouldn’t be able to drastically ‘tailor’ her response to stimuli depending on who she’s with.

Chouetted · 17/01/2019 22:55

@nos123 Not really fair to describe masking as a "behavioural problem".

thegrassisgreenifyouusefilters · 17/01/2019 23:40

Sounds like she feels out of control. She changed schools, she started her periods. The OCD type behaviours are her way of controlling something.

Do you talk ? Can she tell you what it's like at school? I assume whilst she is free from the bullying she must be struggling to fit in being new at school.

Hope you can resolve it

ashvivienne · 17/01/2019 23:42

Sounds like ASD. We didn’t even notice anything with DD2 till she was 12/13.

SadOtter · 18/01/2019 21:02

I am really hoping it isn't autism, purely in that I work with children with autism (although KS1 and they have all so far been boys) and I would feel really shit if it had taken me this long to notice it in my own child!

Does she have the same issues with sensory processing when out with her dad? yes and no, She mentions the same issues with him but makes far less fuss about them.
Part of me wonders if it's behavioural, or possibly an attention thing.

Do you talk ? Can she tell you what it's like at school? She talks about school a lot, there's been the odd minor thing but generally she's happy to go in, which is a massive improvement, she's made some lovely friends. Its a big change though so yeah, some of it might be that.

OP posts:
Chouetted · 19/01/2019 03:24

@SadOtter Tony Attwood failed to notice his son was autistic for 30 years... at the very least, you'd be in extremely good company in that scenario.

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