to not know what to do with DD

[SadOtter]

Sorry, long but didn't want to drip feed. I am really worried about DD(10) and have no idea what to do.

Every time there is a noise she clamps her hands over her ears and gets upset.
If we go anywhere busy she grips onto my arm and starts whining.
She has started complaining about the textures of clothes.
She refuses to eat some foods due to texture, even foods she has always liked.
She has stopped making eye contact.
She has developed a few strange little habits - moving things in the cupboards so they are in a set order, rearranging bookshelves, tapping the top of the light switch before switching it off - none of which is an issue, just odd and she gets upset if things are put back wrong.
It takes 4 or 5 attempts to get her attention most of the time.
She stares off into space a lot.
She has started fiddling with things.
She seems to have lost any sense of volume control, so she'll go from whispering to shouting for no apparent reason.
She's started slapping, kicking and biting when she is angry, she is constantly rude to me and shouts at me all the time. She bursts into tears really easily and seems to struggle to pull herself together.

All of this is new behaviour which has started within the last 3 months at most, she is 10 years old.

School have said she is the same there, apart from the lashing out and rudeness, she's apparently very well behaved, polite and pleasant at school (but does cry easily). Guides say much the same.

She is never rude to her dad either and doesn't lash out at him, we live together and he tells her off about the same amount I do and in pretty much the same way, which is starting to get to me a bit because it is starting to feel like she hates me.

She started her periods about the same time she started acting like this which probably explains the moods and tears but I've never heard of it causing this many issues. She changed schools in September due to bullying which I think might be part of it but I don't know, it just feels like there is more to it than that.

SadOtter I was about to say exactly what Chouetted has just said. That and my ds is autistic, as a result, I have read every book on autism I could get my hands on! I have my very own library of autism books and have supported many parents through the process of seeking and gaining diagnosis and finding a toolkit that will help support their child. I have lived and breathed autism for the last six years, yet failed to see it in my own dd until recently. She is 9. Girls present differently and most girls either are diagnosed in teens/ adulthood or not at all, many only recognising it in themselves when they have a child being diagnosed (yup I fit that catagory).

This talk by the world expert on Autism- Dr Tony Atwood (yes the same one who completely missed the signs in his own son) is fantastic

This book is also excellent;

www.amazon.co.uk/Aspergers-Girls-World-Renowned-Experts-Syndrome-ebook/dp/B00TZN9O1E/ref=sr_1_2?keywords=Autism+Aspergers+girls&tag=mumsnetforum-21&ie=UTF8&qid=1547870293&sr=8-2

This book is excellent and the author has written many more books on different aspects of autism in girls. She has a website full of resources as well as upcoming courses/ training to help learn more about autism/ Aspergers

thegirlwiththecurlyhair.co.uk/resources/

www.amazon.co.uk/Girl-Curly-Hair-Aspergers-Me-ebook/dp/B00GKQPOPO/ref=sr_1_4?keywords=Autism+Aspergers+girls&tag=mumsnetforum-21&ie=UTF8&qid=1547870293&sr=8-4

I have also found this book useful.

www.amazon.co.uk/Aspergirls-Empowering-Females-Asperger-Syndrome/dp/1849857911/ref=sr_1_7?keywords=Rudy+simone&tag=mumsnetforum-21&ie=UTF8&qid=1547870429&sr=8-7

In the meantime, I would look into tools to help support your dd. Noise protecting headphones are great as unlike ear defenders they have a visible purpose and trigger less questions.

It is very common for children on the spectrum to hold it together within school (being very much rule followers) only to lose it at home!

It also sounds very much like your dd may have co-morbid anxiety and OCD. I would ask your gp for a referral to children and families mental health department.

OCD involves compulsions, which usually means thinking something bad will happen if you don’t do whatever the behaviour is (eg tapping the light).

My DD has some anxiety and she has things she has to do, but she doesn’t think anything bad will happen if she doesn’t. Thanks the difference.

My Ds is being assessed for autism at the moment, he is 14 years old. He has always had traits but his coping mechanisms seemed to fall apart when he started secondary school. I wouldn't say that that it came on suddenly though, we have always suspected ASD but felt he was coping without a diagnosis. Unfortunately starting secondary school and puberty have made things so much more difficult for him.

Soùnds like GP is a sensible first step.

I just wanted to add something about her being different at school, with you and with Dad.

This is (IME) totally normal.
Pretty much all of us modify our responses and behaviours depending on where we are and who we are with.

The relationships we have with others are heavily socially and emotionally conditioned.

So whilst on a bad day (highly stressed and anxious) I might quickly shout at my son, I am very unlikely to shout at my boss or GP or friend. Though on paper I may have found their actions just as frustrating.

Sounds like she feels 'safest' with you. So uses energy to mask or reduce outward signs of her anxiety etc when at school and out with Dad, but does not feel she needs to do this with you and may well be more tired from having masked it when with others.

If the symptoms started in the last 3 months it’s possibly hormonally driven. Girls can have PCOS and endo at that age — the pain associated with both can create anxiety. I used to lash out at my mum a lot when i first started (I was 9) and developed little ways to cope with the constant — I used to count my steps obsessively and melt down if they were under / over a set amount. See a doctor.