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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being mean not to pay?

62 replies

OldGrinch · 17/01/2019 19:38

My DC both have birthdays at end of January, they are teenagers, it's been a horrendous couple of months for finances with just about everything going wrong and Christmas etc. Anyway we agreed with the DC that to celebrate their birthdays we would keep things fairly low key and go out for a family meal at a restaurant they like, both happy with this arrangement. They will obviously get presents and everything as well.My eldest DC has now said that on the birthday weekend she wants to invite a couple of friends over to sleep (birthday is on the Saturday, family meal out the day after). I have no problem with the friends sleeping over, but DD Is now saying they are going to go for a Nandos and see a film. I have said to DD that if she wants to do this friends need to pay their own way as can't afford to pay for all 3 of them to go movies and Nandos and will be paying for the family restaurant meal the day after which is the " official" birthday event. DD says I am being an old meanie and we should cover costs for friends as well as part of her birthday celebration. I don't want to be parting with the best part of an extra £100 on top of everything else am paying out for the birthdays. AIBU?

OP posts:
Bumblebee39 · 17/01/2019 21:03

Yanbu

But I would do it if I could Financially even if it was a stretch. Not saying that it's the right thing to do though

namechange01Z · 17/01/2019 21:17

my dd had her 15th just before xmas. She is also obsessed with nandos but unless it was a special birthday i would never pay for that! I would do the cinema with snacks and food at home. ive done pizza or chinese delivery when had the money but i think your dd is old enough to understand about the finances and whats happened, in your circumstance i would just do a sleepover and get together. usually they are just happy being together hanging out with films etc with snacks

Stardustinmyeyes · 17/01/2019 21:22

Yet another thread where I wish that people would read the original post and the updates from the op before jumping in with their comments.

mrsm43s · 17/01/2019 21:33

I don't think a family meal is a birthday treat for a 15 year old. It's something you'll enjoy more than she will!

Pizza at home and paying for the cinema for her and her friends seems a good compromise.

Offer similar to younger DD too, she may well choose similar (or the other way round, Domino's and DVD if she's younger), then no need for the family meal, and you won't spend more than originally planned.

Mymadworld · 17/01/2019 21:44

Sounds like a very compromise Smile

jessstan2 · 17/01/2019 22:47

I like Nando's and go there fairly often - they are not at all expensive & you get a lot for your money.

Dieu · 17/01/2019 22:51

I personally would pay for the birthday meal, but you can't afford it, so that is that. No more discussion!
Could you compromise by having pizza delivered. So many cheap deals online. Or buy the stuff in for them to make their own. You can buy all the Nando sauces etc in Tesco now, so they could even make their own Nando's!
Or maybe just stick to the pizza ...

tiggerkid · 17/01/2019 22:52

At 15, she should be old enough to understand what no money and no in general means. Just say no and stick with it. If she wants to go out with friends, they can either all pay for themselves or she will have to fund it herself if she wants to go out.

Alternatively she goes out with friends, you give her the money for her cinema ticket and dinner (not friends) and tell her that the family dinner will take place without her. If she wants to be selfish, she needs to understand that it works both ways.

iLoveFoood · 17/01/2019 22:53

You can't ask her friends to pay at a 15 year old birthday party so if you cannot afford it you need to just say no.

NutElla5x · 18/01/2019 21:22

If you can't afford it you can't afford it,and a 15 year old should be old enough to understand that. Plus if you shell out extra for eldest daughter,you'll have to do the same for youngest.Tell her that instead of presents she can have the money and take her friends out with that if she chooses,which she won't Wink

Bluntness100 · 18/01/2019 21:27

At 15 they pay for themselves I would assume your daughter has invited them as her treat, and that's the issue she and now you are facing.

OnlyYellowRoses · 18/01/2019 22:33

Yanbu, I think she has to have one or the other, money is tight in January and you can't do both.

She'll probably strop a bit but she'll learn money doesn't grow on trees eventually Smile

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