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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be thinking of an excuse not to be chief bridesmaid

29 replies

Applecrumble79 · 17/01/2019 17:49

My friend of 10 years has got engaged. I know she is going to ask me to be chief bridesmaid as she is always said it. we have drifted apart and I don’t really want to take on this role. I am already thinking of excuses. I’m very busy have a demanding job and quite frankly can’t be bothered to take on such a role.

I know she will be offended and it will probably cause some friction but I just won’t be pushed into doing something that I don’t want to. AIBU?

OP posts:
EnglishPuffins · 17/01/2019 17:56

You should probably be honest with her so that she knows where she stands and can find some nicer friends.

WorraLiberty · 17/01/2019 17:58

Don't lie or it will come back to bite you on the arse.

I’m very busy have a demanding job

That ^^ will do.

Bluetrews25 · 17/01/2019 18:39

If you've drifted apart, perhaps she feels the 'distance' and will be hesitant about asking?
You never know, she might be stressing that she will have to ask you! Just be honest, but kind, if she does ask. Don't assume that she will.

Bambamber · 17/01/2019 18:41

If you've drifted she may not even ask you

Original poster
Applecrumble79 · 17/01/2019 18:45

Hopefully

OP posts:
imarocketman50 · 17/01/2019 18:47

I had this with a newish friend who I thought would ask me to be a bridesmaid. I'm married so had hubby drip it into conversation that I don't believe married women should be bridesmaids and how I'm really traditional in that matter. Worked a treat. Plus meant no one else would ever ask me.

Ucangourownwoo · 17/01/2019 18:48

I don't believe married women should be bridesmaids and how I'm really traditional in that matter.

Hmm
Sparklesocks · 17/01/2019 18:51

If you’ve drifted apart she might not even ask you. But if you don’t want to just be upfront and say you are flattered but would prefer to be a guest. Don’t go on about how busy you are though.

AllMYSmellySocks · 17/01/2019 18:52

I would just say you're honoured at being chosen but make or clear what your availability is in terms of time and money and make it clear she can choose someone else if she wants more time from her chief bridesmaid.

Fantababy · 17/01/2019 19:36

Why the heck shouldn't married women be bridesmaids?

SheWoreBlueVelvet · 17/01/2019 19:38

Fanta they can but tradition says they should called matron of honour.

Neverunderfed · 17/01/2019 19:39

Well traditionally they weren't. Hence 'maids'. But presumably poster just said that to get out of it

DanielRicciardosSmile · 17/01/2019 19:42

To be fair to the PP she doesn't actually say she believes that, just that she got her DH to tell people that she does.

Loopytiles · 17/01/2019 19:48

OP isn’t necessarily a bad friend just because she doesn’t want to commit the time and money that being bridesmaid involves.

I was bridesmaid once and swore never to do it again!

MatildaTheCat · 17/01/2019 19:52

Jus practice looking regretful and saying, ‘ that’s so very kind and flattering but I just can’t commit to making a good job of this and you deserve a great bridesmaid. I’m absolutely looking forward to coming and celebrating with you though.’ If she says she wants you anyway you just repeat that you are really sorry but it would be so stressful for you due to work etc and you just can’t accept.

MotherOfDragons90 · 17/01/2019 20:11

I was a chief bridesmaid last year and it really doesn’t have to be a biggie. It was fairly low key - I organised some girls together for a hen night which just involved picking a date with the bride then setting up a WhatsApp group, booking a restaurant and ordering some props/a sash. Literally probably less than an hour in total if you exclude the night out itself. And attended two dress fittings. And the wedding. That was basically it. I think you’re being mean if she’s a good friend.

Original poster
Applecrumble79 · 17/01/2019 20:52

I’m not being mean at all. We have drifted apart and she has been rude to me at times.

OP posts:
SheWoreBlueVelvet · 17/01/2019 21:46

Give “ oh god so gutted” work excuses for not taking a bridesmaid role and ask if you can be part of it by doing a reading?

Yinv · 17/01/2019 21:48

Tell her you are overwhelmed by your current commitments and are unable to do it, once she asks you.

Anothermothersusername · 17/01/2019 21:58

Just be honest with her but make sure you do it in a nice way

CoughLaughFart · 17/01/2019 22:00

You should probably be honest with her so that she knows where she stands and can find some nicer friends.

There’s a pointless and unnecessary dig.

CoughLaughFart · 17/01/2019 22:02

What was the stupid Hmm face for Ucangourownwoo? If you had something to say, why not just get on with it?

Ucangourownwoo · 17/01/2019 22:22

Coughlaughfart - name change fail or just randomly policing comments?

CoughLaughFart · 17/01/2019 22:25

It’s nothing to do with ‘policing’. It’s called an opinion. I managed to express one in words rather than using a fact emoji.

Ucangourownwoo · 17/01/2019 22:28

It expressed what I wanted to convey, an opinion if you will.