To be thinking of an excuse not to be chief bridesmaid

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My friend of 10 years has got engaged. I know she is going to ask me to be chief bridesmaid as she is always said it. we have drifted apart and I don’t really want to take on this role. I am already thinking of excuses. I’m very busy have a demanding job and quite frankly can’t be bothered to take on such a role.

I know she will be offended and it will probably cause some friction but I just won’t be pushed into doing something that I don’t want to. AIBU?

@CoughLaughFart not at all. I really think a bride deserves to have people standing next to her at her wedding who don't feel like they're doing a massive chore by being there. It is not nice to say you just can't be bothered to be there. Sorry but the job I and many of my friends work in could not be busier or more stressful. We all supported each other when we were getting married and we did it graciously because when you're friends with someone you give a shit about their lives and want then to be happy and you feel lucky to stand with them at one of the biggest moments in their lives.

I wouldn't lie, just say that you are having a really stressful time at work lately and you wouldn't want her to miss out on important things for the wedding because of it, and suggest that she asks someone else who can give it the attention that it deserves. That's a nice way of saying no, I think. And I do think that you ought to be nice about it - I know you've drifted apart but it's her wedding and she obviously still considers you a very close friend

Married women traditionally weren't bridesmaids, one of the reasons there was so much conjecture over whether Pippa Middleton would have Kate (Cambridge?)

You might have one as your matron of honour

But then veils were traditionally worn to confuse the devil so you know, times change

I was a bridesmaid recently and it was a huge time commitment at a time when I was revising for a professional exam (I failed but not because of that). The other bridesmaids were in similar boats.
But the bride is one of my closest friends, and I did love every second of helping her with her big day.

What I’m saying is that is is possible to be at an awkward stage in life where it is a bit too much, and if the bride isn’t a close friend, I can understand you wanting to say no.

I’m usually a people pleaser but I did once say no to being godmother of the baby of a girl I hadn’t seen since school. Turned out the christening was cancelled when the parents found out you are supposed to believe in God so for the best really.