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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be angry about social services..

37 replies

baba19 · 17/01/2019 17:10

Hi everyone i am a young mum and i am nearly 16 weeks pregnant with my first,
Today i had two workers come around my house who i've never met before, apparently they are there for support if you need any with housing and health things ect
Anyway, they asked me if i had been involved with social workers before when i was younger, (which i have) when i was about 15 i was groomed and had social worker until i was 18 and they said that i was safe from harm, i was no longer at risk and that i was keeping myself safe and there was no need to have social services any longer, the ladies told me today that they understand i am no longer at risk, but they have to call social services for my unborn baby, to do 'checks' and see if i need a social worker for my baby! What the fuck?
I would not put my baby at risk! And i would not put myself at risk either!
My case was closed when i was 18 because they no longer thought that i needed support anymore as i was doing so well!
I had a hard time when i was younger with the social, i don't want a social worker involved with me and my baby, when there is no concern what so ever! Feel really upset about this, i have a lot of support from family, i have my own house and i am looking after myself!
Aibu to be really upset and angry?
I need a social worker for my unborn baby because years ago i was groomed?!
Sounds fucking ridiculous to me!
I have a new life now, i haven't been groomed since and i'm doing well
So what do i need a social worker coming round for ??
Don't know what to do, just hoping that when the social services decided that they don't need to open up a new case and that i'm fine ( which i am) to be left alone without them! Sad

OP posts:
SoyDora · 17/01/2019 17:11

It sounds like they just want to offer support?

Original poster
baba19 · 17/01/2019 17:13

@SoyDora
These women who see me are for support they are not social services
They support me, but they want to involve social services
And i've told them im okay i don't need much support anyway Sad

OP posts:
budgetneeded · 17/01/2019 17:16

Sounds like you do nothing at this point and if sw contact you you reassure them that you are doing well etc etc etc.
One step at a time.

PinkAvocado · 17/01/2019 17:16

I would feel the same. They are thinly stretched so can’t understand how they have people available for ‘support’.

Be calm, ask for the reason they are referring.

If social services make contact, be confident and answer all questions etc non defensively.

Was it your health visitor who came around?

icannotremember · 17/01/2019 17:16

Oh op, I do understand why you feel so upset and angry and offended. Really I do. But given that you will be able to show that your case was closed as you weren't deemed to require ongoing support, that you have your own house and lots of support from family and a good, healthy life, you really don't have anything to worry about.

You know what social services need to see to decide their involvement is not required, so show them that. Engage. Be open and honest and unobstructive. Don't present an angry "I don't want you here" face- if anything that makes social workers worry that you are hiding something.

Best of luck.

Lizadork · 17/01/2019 17:20

My friend was care for ten years and when they were pregnant (mid 20s), social services checked on them even though on "concern" was the fact she herself had been in care. Imagine it's just a support thing so try not to worry, for most it's just a tick box exercise to ensure you are coping and then they leave you alone again. If social services keep checking up on you then ask them to state their concerns in writing to you. If they have no concerns then tell them you don't need their support but if that changes, you know how to reach them.

AnnieOH1 · 17/01/2019 17:20

Are you sure it isn't just a case of procedures that because you have had involvement they have to check what you're saying? I realise it's the equivalent of them saying they don't believe you but I would hope that SS will have all the facts on file and that's it iyswim.

Congratulations on your pregnancy!

SleepingStandingUp · 17/01/2019 17:21

Where are the workers from?

It's possible thry have a form and if you answer yes to X, Y or z then they have to do a and b.

In which case SS will either tell them they're not interested or will do a cursory check of your circs and then if all is fine will not get involved.

I suspect the time scale also plays a part - if you're 18.5 so not long discharged or 32 and it was a lifetime away etc.

Just answer any enquiries, show you're fine and I'm sure they will not want to waste their meagre resources on you, meant in the nicest way possible

anniehm · 17/01/2019 17:22

I can understand you are upset but the very fact you had a visit for support means that you are considered vulnerable and they have to consider the child's wellbeing. It doesn't mean they will take any action, just ensure you are coping etc. Child's welfare always comes first over upsetting you.

partinor · 17/01/2019 17:25

It is automatic usually that if you have had SS involvement in the past for any reason, that when you get pregnant, SS will check everything is okay. It is routine. Just answer their questions and show they have no reason to be worried. Then they will close the case.

IwillrunIwillfly · 17/01/2019 17:28

I can understand why you would feel upset, but like other people have said it will just be for support. But if they get in touch, and find that you are coping well, that the baby is safe and well cared for they won't stay involved for long.

LIZS · 17/01/2019 17:30

In what capacity do you have support workers? It would not be unusual to involve ss if you are deemed vulnerable. Are you still involved with the baby's father?

Spunkymonkey2019 · 17/01/2019 17:37

So who extactly were these women? Where were they from? Do you know them? (Apologies if I’ve missed this in your post)

PatriciaHolm · 17/01/2019 17:38

You say you are a "young mum" and your username suggests you are 19?

In which case, you have barely been discharged. The support is there because statistically women/babies in your situation do need the support. You may feel you don't, but I'm sure that will become obvious to them in time.

In reality, if you rail against it and push back, you are more likely to flag yourself as in need/in denial of issues than anything else. Is the baby's father around?

ApolloandDaphne · 17/01/2019 17:38

I am not sure why you are angry with social services if they are not who came to visit you. They will refer you and SS will probably come and assess the situation. If you don't need any involvement they will go away. Given you has SS involvement for 3 years i can see why they might just want to make sure everything is okay with you. That is quite a long period to have a social worker.

BusySnipingOnCallOfDuty · 17/01/2019 17:39

I know it's difficult.
I believe they check because you're considered a vulnerable person because of past trauma. Being deemed vulnerable doesn't also equate to being a bad parent or person, it just means of there was anything you might benefit from support with, that you would get it.
It's like winning a lottery you don't want to win. You're offered support because you went through shit once.

restingbitchfarce · 17/01/2019 17:41

I'd be very wary and careful what you say if they contact you, awful twisted people.

They have a habit of being very negative and report display 'the facts' in an unrealistic way alluding to everything being worst case scenario

Be worried and wary.

staydazzling · 17/01/2019 17:43

I can understand your anger in your view its almost like an eternal punishment for having been abused. You know maybe express that to them? in a calm way, maybe call and explain it to them, thry are only doing there job after all.

restingbitchfarce · 17/01/2019 17:44

@PatriciaHolm It could be 19 as baby is due 2019 . . .

WorraLiberty · 17/01/2019 17:46

You describe yourself as a young mum, OP.

How old are you?

ApolloandDaphne · 17/01/2019 17:47

Restingbitchfarce I am a retired SW. I am not, and have never been, awful and twisted. What a sweeping generalisation to make. Yes, there are terrible social workers, the same as there are in every profession, but most SW are fair and compassionate people.

WorraLiberty · 17/01/2019 17:51

I agree with you Apollo and I'm sure many others do too.

ColourMeGreen · 17/01/2019 17:57

This isn't unusual, my sister is 19 and had her first baby in October. She had social work involvement from age 13 to age 18, and although she had been signed off from their services, she did need an interview with social services when she was pregnant. For what it's worth it was one meeting, and then a letter to say they wouldn't be continuing with her as all was fine.

I think it's because kids who had social work involvement are less likely to have had real structure growing up, and they just want to confirm that you're doing alright. That's pretty much what her social worker said at the time anyway.

Sister was really angry about it too, but it turned out to be much fuss over nothing in the end.

Original poster
baba19 · 17/01/2019 18:01

@ColourMeGreen thats reassuring thank you, i hope they do the same with me as i'm really trying my best and i'm doing really well x

OP posts:
PinkAvocado · 17/01/2019 18:03

OP, it may be worth thinking ahead before they ask what support you have available. For example, first time mum groups, friends, family, knowing you can go to health visitor etc.

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