Narcissistic Grandparents

[Panda57]

I have come to the realisation that my MIL is most likely a narcissist. She uses lots of emotional blackmail, talks to us like we are 5 years
old who couldn't possibly function without her, more concerned with how she appears to others than her families happiness etc.

Worried about how this will effect my DC, is it advisable to never let a narcissistic grandparent have unsupervised access to the DC? Anyone with narcissist parents or in laws who have experience with this?
Just been reading up on something called grandparent grooming where the narcissist wants unsupervised access to the child (babysitting, visiting, holidays, day trips, phone calls and other access to the child apart from the rest of the family) and uses this to emotionally abuse, manipulate the child and use the child as a substitute adult (The child listens to the grandparents problems,
opinions on everyone and everything so they are groomed to be their obedient audience). They then use the trust gained to do things like feed them a sob story about how they have no one else and if the child doesn’t pay them this attention they will leave granny bereft. Or lie and imply the child is not really loved by the parents. Or starts to tell the child how bad/cruel/hurtful/unreasonable the parents are
and if only the child could speak up for them. Just a few examples.

AIBU to say no unsupervised access to my DC for my narcissistic MIL because I'm sure she will try this sort of crap, she will definitely use emotional blackmail and bribery.

She really does not need a label at this time. You find her behaviour unacceptable. My DM was diagnosed, but there are so many shades that it is not easy to diagnose, nor does it matter really, it is how you think it will affect your family that is important.

My dh doesn't have a single photo of himself when a child sadly. It's like he's not allowed them. Mil and fil can never tell baby stories.

I'd love Mil to do baby photo book for dh.

sprouts21Your Mil is alot worse than mine, how did you put up with it, giving your 2 year old a skin head, Jesus, how did you respond to that. Mine has never faked a serious illness, was that when you were trying to cut/ lower contact? Was the threats for courts over the baby due to cutting contact? I often day dream/ fantasize about telling mine to fuck off.

justasking111 thanks

Anyone been called a gold digger, mine sent dh a long email implying I might be a gold digger so he needs to be careful.

Also does anyone know what rights grandparents have in the UK?

There is no automatic right for grandparents to have access to grandchildren, but that doesn't stop them applying legally for access. It would then be dealt with on a case by case basis.

Threats about court happened days after giving birth. She casually commented that if I ever stopped her seeing him, or I ever wasn't looking after him properly she would take him away from me. I'm still annoyed about that and the skinhead. She was always dying of something.

There was a similar thread a while ago. A poster commented that she had spent years trying to get her dh to see sense. Eventually she started to mirror her mils behaviour at her husband meaning if mil upset her she would use the same tactics on dh that mil used. She said things greatly improved.

It sounds awful but thinking about exh fear of her sulking and his need for validation I think he would have done anything to avoid that atmosphere at home. It would have been a case of deciding who to upset, his mother who he hardly saw, or me who he shared a home with.

If I had to go back in time that is exactly what I would do. I wonder how often he would have stayed silent if he knew I'd inflict a 3 day sulk on him.