husband mocking me in front of children

[Itwasbestoftimesworstoftimes]

I’ve been married to my DH for 10 years and the whole time we’ve been married I’ve been a practising catholic. He is staunchly atheist and our two dc have not been brought up to be religious.

My faith is a private matter and I don’t discuss it in the house as the children aren’t religious and I don’t want to have that discussion with them. They’re 8 and 5. They know i go to chapel but didnt ask about it and that’s fine.

I’ve noticed over the past year or so that my DH has started to openly mock me about being a catholic - in front of the children. He’ll tell them God isn’t real and only cranks believe in it and say “like your mum” he’ll be laughing when he says it but the children are picking it up and I can see an intolerance creeping in. I’ve told the DC that faith (or indeed atheism) is a personal choice and it’s not to be laughed at.

I tend to go to mass early on a Sunday morning but a couple of weeks ago I missed it and went out on a Sunday night while my DH was at his brothers. I popped in to BILs to see them and their kids and my DH said in front of his family “oh she was at chapel. Yeah I know CHAPEL! She’s one of those weak minded folk who need religion.” They laughed but never said anything. I decided that that was my cue to go home and I rounded up the kids. My DH was annoyed that “I’d caused a scene.” I don’t think I should have to stand being mocked

Anyway, I suppose this is more a WWYD? The kids aren’t religious, there is no sign of religion in my house and I don’t discuss it other than it seems to defend myself.

I know people on here probably aren’t religious but I feel like I shouldn’t be embarrassed by my DH for quietly having a religious denomination.

I’m an atheist. I bring my DCs up knowing my views and those (similar) of their DF. However, we also teach them to respect other’s beliefs. Mockery or insulting someone because of their religion is a total no no. Your DH is undermining you in front of your DCs. I think you need to make it clear that you will not stand for that and it must stop right now.
Apart from encouraging his DCs to be disrespectful to their DM, he is encouraging them to mock their own peers or other adults because of religion. That is not only really horrible, but I extremely unwise.

Next time he does it, could you say something like this:

"Well - I'd rather be a Catholic chapel-attender than someone who thinks it is OK to bully and mock another person, DP!"

Speaking as a staunch atheist, I think he's being a bully and abusive.

Athiest here, currently dating a non-practicing Christian. Obviously we hold very different views on religion but as with anyone else I meet, I respect his right to believe whatever he likes, so long as it isn't forced upon me. I wonder if there's another reason he's decided to suddenly start mocking your beliefs after all this time.

The first thing my ex disrespected me about was my ideological/political/philosophical/spiritual/life beliefs
Then my family and friends
Then it was my career path and parenting and personality
Then it was the way I looked
Then he mocked me for everything I did or said
And in the end he disrespected me physically, sexually, reproductively, emotionally and financially as these were the ways he abused me

I will not have anybody disrespect my beliefs again. It's how they chip away at you until you have no self esteem and self worth left.

And being ignorant of other people's beliefs? How horrible.

What does your H expect you to do? Give up your right to practice your religion? Surely that's against your human rights? He doesn't need to have faith to be a decent human being.

Unless it's very gentle, lighthearted pisstaking - like, oh, mum's taking ages to get ready again! Or, oh, it's dad's turn to cook and the tea is burnt - then I don't think it's ok. And your religion is obviously very meaningful to you or you wouldn't be religious. What your husband's doing is very wrong. I would just talk with him honestly and say that you can't continue the relationship the way that it is and he needs to stop doing this. Ask him why he feels the need to do it. Tell him how much it hurts you. You need to be a team in front of your kids, you shouldn't be undermining each other when it comes to serious things like this. He's not being a good husband or father when he does this.

I've had a similar experience,It's not exactly the same but similar in many ways.

Ten years ago, I was doing an arts degree and Religion was 1 of my modules in my 1st 2 years. Anyway, we had to do work experience and I volunteered to do a few weeks in a local secondary school to teach Religion and Geography. Note, I was raised Catholic but not practicing and I am not atheist but at the same time I woud not say I believe in God, I am undecided...

Anyway, I was teaching a Religous class several times a week and there was another teacher in the school who had to supervise me in the lesson as I was only a volunteer, anyway she would firmly declare herself to be atheist and would tell me in front of the kids she ''hated Religion''.

She would then often overtake the lesson and repeatedly tell the kids she did not believe in God and that no kid of hers would be baptised etc...

I thought it was so inappropriate and unprofessional and felt offended by her attitude[and I am not religious] and thought her indoctrating the kids with atheism and her views was just as bad as a religious person ramming it down peoples throats. Everybody has their right to their views and I despise those hard core atheists who attack Religion.

If he's so certain that God doesn't exist, why is he so frightened of it?

That is completely horrendous and will seriously damage the children. My mother was catholic and all her side of the family, and my dad was an atheist. He used to mock the religion too and it made me very depressed. It just confuses and upsets children to see the beliefs of people they care about mocked by other people they love. It's fine to state what you personally believe when asked but to mock you their mother in front of them is truly disgusting behaviour.

I’m a Catholic and my husband is an atheist. He’s never once mocked my religion or questioned the existence of God in front of the kids because he knows that their belief in a God brings great comfort to them when they’re worried about people who have died or they can’t sleep at night.

I’m quite happy to have robust theological debate with them when they’re older as I did with my parents but right now they’re tiny and it’s too much for them to cope with so we just say that some people, like daddy, don’t believe the same things they do.

Honestly, he sounds like a total twat.

No-one has the right to mock somebody else's beliefs and you are good with your beliefs in not forcing them on anyone.

He's a bully and I wish there was someone else close to both of you who can point that out to him, he's not going to listen to you.

If it wasn't your religion/faith, it would be something else because that bullying nature is inbuilt and quite horrible.

He must have know before you got together how important your faith was to you, there's no excuse.

Please don't give in to him, build a support network and grow stronger. However keep as you are, ie not pushing your faith on anyone else, then you'll be above reproach.

My DF belittled my DM in front of us kids, every time she spoke up or tried to join in with a conversation he used to aggressively tut and roll his eyes and make fun of her and was clearly irritated by her. As the oldest child I picked up on this behaviour and copied it because I'd learned that she was not worthy of respect and a figure of fun. This caused my DM such sorrow that she had a breakdown and I grew up to have no self-respect because, as a woman, I didn't deserve to be respected. I'm just saying this as a warning as how your DC could be picking up on his disrepect for you and how it can affect them. Don't allow it to continue for a minute longer.

I can't believe that this is the only way he undermines and belittles you OP? What else is going on?

No it's not okay. I'm a believer and go to church. DH doesn't (though he quite likes the social side) and the kids went to church school and came along when they were little, but have gone all rebellious aetheist on me now they've grown up.

I would say I get a bit of affectionate teasing, "Oh your mum won't be here; she's off praising the Lord", kind of thing, and a certain level of robust theological debate (basically my kids accuse me of only picking the nice, liberal bits out of Christianity) but on the whole my family are very respectful of my views and even, in a weird sort of way, quite proud of my principles.

I’m an atheist and I loathe atheists who disrespect religions. He’s an arse. It’s your right to your own beliefs and just as I wouldn’t want to be questioned on mine, I would never mock yours. I hate those atheists who think they’re superior to anyone else who practices an organised religion.

Even before the mocking started it seems like you are tiptoeing around your DH on this issue. Why are you so careful to hide your faith from your children? I can see why you don't want to tell them what to think and you want them to make their own choices, but you seem to be acting in fear of stepping over a line which shouldn't be there.
You should be free to talk to your own children about matters that are important to you. Is he forbidding you from doing this?
Look at the story of turning the other cheek in bible and remember that it is not telling you to be a doormat. It is actually telling you to invite someone to challenge you as equals rather than abuser and victim.

I’m an atheist. I bring my DCs up knowing my views and those (similar) of their DF. However, we also teach them to respect other’s beliefs.

This is exactly how kind people behave. It doesn't seem like your husband is a very kind person.

I didn't know that churches were referred to as chapels within RC - Methodists yes, but RC, no?

I think his behaviour is out of order.

I'm an atheist, leaning somewhat towards antitheist. I wouldn't marry a religious person. My DH is not religious but has fairly recently developed some beliefs that might be termed spiritual- but not what most people think of when you say spiritual. I don't want to go into details, but anyway, I think his new beliefs are utterly bonkers. Not only do I not respect the beliefs themselves, my respect for him has diminished since he decided this stuff was true and to be honest it has really rocked our relationship and we are having to do a lot of work to save it. Some of the conversations and arguments we've had in private have been quite vitriolic, and there is still the possibility that his decision to follow this path will end us. It's a genuinely big deal for me and not easily solved by "live and let live".

But I have not mocked DH to or in front of the children for it, and I never will. They are his children too, and it would be abusive by me as a parent to try and undermine their relationship like that, and just unacceptably nasty and rude and shit of me to do it. Tell him to google parental alienation: he really needs to understand that no matter what he thinks of your beliefs it is abusive to his children to do this to you.

When I examine it closely I think he hates the idea of the Catholic Church with their vast wealth calling on others to help the poverty stricken. I also think the child abuse scandals has firmed up his idea that the whole thing is a crock of shit. I can’t argue on those points because I think it’s awful too.

But I’m entitled to keep my faith despite this and let it bring a quiet comfort to me. I’ve told him this in conversations but I think it’s in one ear and out the other.

He’ll throw the science arguement at me. He’s said to me before that he can’t understand how I can be as well educated as I am (I speak a couple of languages) and have a good job and believe in such nonsense.

I think if he has such an issue with it he should not have married a catholic. I am a staunch atheist and not a fan of the Catholic Church, I would not date or marry a catholic as our fundemental beliefs would be far too different.

Raingsender2 - maybe she has changed details to protect her identity further (I sometimes do this). Or maybe she happens to attend services at a chapel rather than the main body of the church.

I get irritated by people trying to pick holes in other's statements...

thats awful behaviour you need to have a serious chat with him so disrespectful.

@Ringsender2

I am in Scotland and a Roman Catholic Church is most definitely referred to a chapel or a church

Op l second others who say it is horrible disrespectful, it is largely irrelevant whether it is a religious belief or another belief.

He should respect your views and you should be able to speak freely to your children about them, this is a part of you. This is a world away from indoctrinating them.

My MIL was a devout catholic, but fairly quiet about her belief, my FIl does not feel the same, but NEVER disrespected her belief or complained when she went to church.

I would not reason with him, he won't listen, l would sit him down and tell him in no uncertain terms, if he EVER disrespects, or mocks you in front of your children, friends or family again, you will seriously reconsider your marriage.