Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be pissed off with husband’s attitude...

63 replies

Lavenderee · 16/01/2019 21:17

To begin with, I’ll say he’s a lovely bloke and a wonderful father, so he’s no bastard but I swear, his attitude about housework does my head right in!

Right now he’s doing the dishwasher, and is veering between expecting a medal and a parade thrown in his honour and whining his head off. As if he does this all the time and is sick of the way people leave things for his tired and under appreciated self. No, honey, that’s MY role!! You do this maybe once every month if I’m lucky! So it irks the hell out of me having you sigh and say loudly to the dog, “it seems as if nobody in this house can rinse a plate” or saying, “brilliant” in a flat, sarcastic tone louder and louder until I ask “what?” -only to have you sigh louder and respond with, “nothing. Doesn’t matter.”

IF he ever cooks anything, he complains loudly about everything not being exactly where he wants it, and about my organisation of the kitchen. It’s MY kitchen! I’m the one that prepares 499 out of 500 meals. I think I’m entitled to have it how I want it!!
If I ask him to put a wash on (maybe once a fortnight?) he will whinge and whine loudly about the way the kids leave their clothes with a sleeve inside out, or socks aren’t in pairs, etc.

The part that winds me up the most is the fact that he finds this so unbearable and outrageous, yet he is guilty of everything that annoys him!! AND, it doesn’t seem to register that he’s annoyed by the housework for 15 minutes a month..... this is my goddamn life!! I’m at home with one young child and one older child who has a severe mental health issue. He only notices when it becomes his problem for quarter of an hour. Not when he adds to it being my problem every day! Seriously, AIBU to be annoyed by it?? Are other blokes like this?? I might throttle him if I have to hear him moaning about inside out sleeves on the kids laundry when I extract his boxers and socks from his discarded trousers daily!!

OP posts:
treaclesoda · 16/01/2019 21:19

I think I'd be tempted to do the laundry for me and the kids and just leave his stuff. Then if he moans about inside out things and tissues in the pockets he has only himself to blame.

BusySnipingOnCallOfDuty · 16/01/2019 21:26

This is my OH. A d every ex I've ever had.

Jaffacakebeast · 16/01/2019 21:59

God I hate that washing thing, my ds though. It’s gotta be a man thing. Inside out, stuff in pockets, clothes in clothes. Pet hate of mine

Floralhousecoat · 16/01/2019 22:09

Sorry.... did you say he was a lovely bloke or was that a typo?

Nettletheelf · 16/01/2019 22:12

I think they are all like that. Deep down, they all think that house stuff is our job and they are doing us a huge favour by participating in it.

I travel a lot with work. Our rubbish collections are now fortnightly. I was away on ‘bin night’. I asked DH to remember to take the bins out (I always do it, even in the dark and the rain - down a long drive - because at least I know that the job will be done and we’ll have space for the next fortnight’s rubbish).

Response: “I’ll try to remember, if I’m not busy”.

Ended up texting him to remind him to do it. Which he did. When I came home tonight he proudly announced that he’d taken the bin out and waited for adulation.

I rationalise it by thinking, “It’s like training a dog. For ever, and the dog never learns”.

Butterymuffin · 16/01/2019 22:13

Starting response to this: ignore all of it. Behave as if you haven't heard it. Things like

saying, “brilliant” in a flat, sarcastic tone louder and louder until I ask “what?”

  • don't respond. He can whine and sulk if he wants but you don't have to engage with it.
ScienceIsTruth · 16/01/2019 22:15

Are you me? Did I write this and then forget about it, because you've just described my oh (and my dc)!

MixedMaritalArts · 16/01/2019 22:16

Alexa! Play spotify’s Parade music playlist! BrewCakeGrin

WorraLiberty · 16/01/2019 22:18

Sorry but a 'lovely bloke' doesn't leave all the shit work to the woman he claims to love.

If that's your idea of a lovely bloke, I'd hate to see your idea of a horrible one.

HollowTalk · 16/01/2019 22:22

He's an idiot. Nobody enjoys housework. He should count himself lucky he does it so rarely. And you shouldn't respond in any way - put some headphones in or go for a walk.

lumpsofitroundtheback · 16/01/2019 22:33

My dh has always been one for the tissues in the pockets thing, and I usually managed to locate them before washing - but not always...

On one memorable occasion there was one that had completely disassembled itself into a million pieces. It was absolutely everywhere all over a complete load of wet washing, and I completely lost my temper and made him pick every single bit off!

Flymetothemoon18 · 16/01/2019 22:34

Not to rub it in but my OH is a better housekeeper than me haha. We’re pretty equal in getting chores done, even though he works full time and I work part time. He’s a better cook too and will do half of the cooking, he reorganised our whole kitchen the other day. He’s a gem, and never complains! He had a year being out of work a while back and I worked full time and I think that taught him exactly what being a stay at home parent entails, so he appreciates what needs doing and the fact I spend 3 days a week at work doing 8hr shifts plus school runs and keeping appointments and whatnot. We are a team, the house is ours and the children are ours it’s all a joint responsibility in our house.

Lavenderee · 16/01/2019 22:35

@WorraLiberty

My ex was a horrible one. And yes, you would hate to see it. Fortunately though, you won’t because he’s in prison.

I took the time to say he’s a lovely bloke because he is. This is a small part of him that I’m annoyed with this evening. I didn’t want him maligned by the Hate Men people that seem to lurk on this forum. He might be a lazy bugger when it comes to his minisculr amount of housework and he really shouldn't be, but he works hard to support me and the children. Not all are his biologically but he treats them all the same, which is really brilliantly. He helps with homework, takes them to their clubs, indulges their passions and takes the time to teach them things properly, no matter how long it takes him. He’s complimentary, mostly considerate, and very generous in bed! He is funny, sweet, clever, a great friend and has the sort of drive that most people can only wish they had. And he takes the bins out. So yeah, he’s actually a good one.

OP posts:
Loopytiles · 16/01/2019 22:40
Confused

OP outlines her DP’s sexist behaviour.

Posters point out this is shit behaviour.

OP accused mumsnetters of hating men.

Insulting to posters, and to men who are not sexist and do a fair share of domestic work.

Lavenderee · 16/01/2019 22:40

@nettletheelf

Yes, I very much agree that they think it’s our work and they’re being an amazing help by doing one little thing. I remember my husband triumphantly announcing that he had refilled the kettle once in the same way I would announce that I’d won a prize for being very clever indeed.

And very much like a dog that never learns. Although my husband takes the bins out successfully, I still haven’t managed to get him to make the brain connection that clothes will not be washed if they’re not in the washing basket.

OP posts:
C0untDucku1a · 16/01/2019 22:42

No thats not every man. It is shit men who think cleaning is wife work.

Lavenderee · 16/01/2019 22:43

@Loopytiles

It is shit behaviour, but he’s not a shit man. And I didn’t accuse “mumsnetters” the collective of hating men. I said I didn’t want him maligned by some with that attitude. I’m just looking for a place to have a bit of a rant and to see if anyone else experiences the same without being told my husband is a bastard and that I must leave him immediately. I didn’t come for that. Just making that clear.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 16/01/2019 22:50

I'm the complete opposite of many 'hate men' type posters as I really don't hate them at all.

But I do hate laziness and I hate to see people setting the bar so low, that they put up with this behaviour.

It's great that he's good in other ways but so he should be. I'm sure you're just as great too.

However, his treatment of you regarding housework is appalling. You're married and that should mean working together as a team.

Onestep2 · 16/01/2019 22:51

My DH is also a lovely man. He's kind , loving, caring and also has the ability to turn into a whiney little bitch when asked to do housework.

Just do the fucking dishes babe.

Megs4x3 · 16/01/2019 22:56

OP I get it. I have a wonderful husband but occasionally his idiosyncrasies drive me potty as I’m sure mine do him. It’s life, and not the perfection or as black and white As mumsnetters would like.

For you, tonight is one of those nights. It may be for me tomorrow. :-)

allthgoodusernamesaretaken · 16/01/2019 23:01

I remember my husband triumphantly announcing that he had refilled the kettle once in the same way I would announce that I’d won a prize for being very clever indeed OP, how did you respond? Hopefully with a smirk and a snigger

I still haven’t managed to get him to make the brain connection that clothes will not be washed if they’re not in the washing basket OP, I suspect what he's learned is that if he throws his clothes on the floor, then you will moan a bit, pick them up and wash them. Result for him! If you left the clothes on the floor, then he would learn quickly enough. The difficulty is that if you start picking up clothes, then it's hard to stop. My DH isn't perfect, but I've never picked up clothes from the floor, and therefore there is no expectation that I might

mrsmuddlepies · 16/01/2019 23:01

If you work full time, he should do half of everything. Try not to use statements like 'it's my kitchen' because it sounds like you are taking ownership and discouraging him from playing an equal part.

MamaBear2181 · 16/01/2019 23:02

On one memorable occasion there was one that had completely disassembled itself into a million pieces. It was absolutely everywhere all over a complete load of wet washing, and I completely lost my temper and made him pick every single bit off!

This made me laugh til I cried 😂

MamaBear2181 · 16/01/2019 23:07

Yes OP, I understand what you mean. My OH is a lovely and wonderful man that I love dearly, but he does have some annoying habits that grate on me at times. I can’t say much about his attitude to housework though really because he’s really involved with the kids and the house —except laundry—

HollowTalk · 16/01/2019 23:10

Look, all we can go on is what you say. If you tell us (in so many words) that your husband is a complete idiot, what are we meant to say?