WIBU to outsource all things domestic?

[ChangementDeNom]

We're a working couple, with two DCs and after a long, hard look at our lives I'm realising that we can't continue like this - everything's such a slog. We just can't manage everything on our own and it's making us stressed and unhappy trying to do it all; cleaning (even with a weekly cleaner), laundry (bane of my life), home maintenance etc - it's getting on top of us and leaves us little stress-free family time together.

I think we're doing some of the right things already - I declutter pretty ruthlessly so we don't have loads of stuff (although it still multiplies somehow), we do all our grocery shopping online, minimal ironing, DP batch cooks for the kids at the weekend, and I've arranged to work from home 1-2 days a week to catch up, but it's not enough. I think we're at the point where we need to throw money at the situation.

We used to have a fantastic full-time nanny who filled a lot of the gaps for us but we let her go about 18 months ago once both DCs were in school full-time and we couldn't justify the expense. While it's been nice to have a lot more disposable income, it has opened our eyes to how much harder things are without help.

Can you give me some suggestions / inspiration of which bits to get extra help with? If you have a housekeeper or similar, what do they do? Neither of us have DIY skills so I'm already on the lookout for a good handyman but they're impossible to find around here!

(And I'm not sure the most polite way to say this but I know from bitter experience that some people on MN simply don't like the idea of working mothers / domestic help etc so if the very idea seems abhorrent to you then that's absolutely fine, no need to comment. Thanks so much!)

If you can afford it and it would make your life then get a housekeeper. They could take over the domestic chores like house work, laundry, ironing and cooking and even arrange a handyman as and when you need one.

I never see the point of struggling on when you have the means to buy in help. Not only is it making your life easier but you are providing employment for someone.

A housekeeper is a wonderful idea.

I think the decline of the 'home service industry' (for want of a better word, modern servants), is one of the defecits of modern living. I would love to have home staff, well paid, and given a respectable role in society.

As it is, I have a cleaner, and no shame about it whatsoever.

(Ok, I don't tell my mum, because she STILL makes jokes about my Uncle's cleaner twenty years later. Her house is filthy since we moved out, so not sure what she's laughing at really.)

If I could afford a housekeeper I would definitely hire a housekeeper!

Gosh, no brainer in my eyes. Do it!

If I could afford it I would do it in a heartbeat and I don't even work xD

If it wasn't for my kids I'd get a job, any job, just to get a housekeeper so I could get out of doing chores. Literally that is how much I don't want to do housework.

If you have the money then absolutely how the help that will make your lives easier. We no longer do any DIY or gardening after we came to the realisation that a) we are shit it at b) we don't enjoy it and c) financially our time is better served earning money than fannying about doing a second rate job. We hire people who are fast, and good at what they do and life is better.

In terms of housekeeping- is everyone pitching in?

If you already have a cleaner who comes weekly couldn't you just ask her to come for a few hours extra to help with laundry/ironing etc? Might be simpler than hiring someone else.

What is it that you actually need doing? If you already have a cleaner, shop online, minimal ironing and you're working from home a couple of days a week and still feel overwhelmed by chores then is it possible you just have really high standards and need to give yourself a break?

Ask the cleaner to come more often than once a week. Ask her to help with laundry. I find laundry one of the easiest tasks of all though tbh, machines do it all!

mytieisascarf I think we are sharing things - DP and I share laundry about 50:50 although he needs to be prompted, and he cooks more than I do. Yes, I carry the mental load but he does pull his weight. I'm getting the DCs to tidy up after themselves and do things like make their beds and pair socks so they're used to the idea of helping out, but they're too little to actually do anything.

Minister I'm very open to the idea of relaxing standards but I really don't see where I could. But it's hard to gauge - you're welcome to spy on me and tell me if I'm doing too much!

I like the idea of giving the cleaner more hours - unfortunately, the lady that the agency currently sends wouldn't be the best fit. She has limited English and only does exactly what she's asked to, I might need someone who can be a bit more proactive. But yes perhaps that's the answer - I could maybe ask around locally for recommendations...

OutPinked - for some reason getting clothes into the washing machine and dryer happens quite seamlessly, it's the folding / putting away that creates a bottleneck for us - I can't say why exactly. We also all do lots of sports so we create a lot of it, which isn't ideal.

Get a gardener who will also do drains, guttering and maintenance and who doesn’t mind doing odd jobs around the property.

Get someone to take over your laundry so you don’t do it. Don’t use an agency cleaner employ one on a casual labour basis and increase the number of times you have her/him. To run an efficient home you need several people not just one housekeeper.

Keep your weekly cleaner and see if you can get a local person to come in weekdays for one or two hours a day. They could do a quick tidy-up, put on a load of laundry, sort/fold/iron/put away clean laundry. Do some dinner prep - Peel veg, etc, set table for dinner, empty dishwasher, etc.

Engage a separate window cleaner to come monthly for windows inside and out. Gardner to maintain garden, cut grass once a week in summer.

I have a fantastic cleaner (non agency) who makes our life so much easier. She now does a clean on a Wednesday, and on a Friday morning she ruthlessly tidies/declutters (the kitchen cupboards and linen cupboard have been recent targets), changes the beds and puts the sheets on to wash etc. This extra 3 hours has made a world of difference in the house standards.
She also organises things like carpet cleaning, plumber, decorator (downstairs got repainted while we were on holiday), carpenter to make custom storage, and our dog/cat sitter.

Thanks all, I'm definitely getting the sense that I need a whole team! Loving your setup, CMOT, sounds like just the ticket.

I've just put out some requests on a local site for cleaner / housekeeper and gardener recommendations, hopefully I find some reliable people soon. Thanks again.

So at the very least you can outsource all your laundry. Most laundrettes can collect although you may have to drop it off depending on the area. Then you can have it service washed, ironed etc. And delivered.

Get the cleaner to come more frequently, two or three times a week should be enough.

Then any home maintenance/DIY, try and find a local handyman/handy person who can do that for you

Still won't be anywhere near what you were paying for a nanny

Another option is a housekeeper, as others have mentioned.

You could also have your meals delivered (I don't mean by the chippy but I suppose that's an option to) and obviously don't have to grocery shop due to home delivery etc.

So that would leave you the tidying, possibly some cooking, and the dishes (dishwasher will take care of them for the most part)

I honestly think laundry is the biggest household burden though tbh. My laundry basket is never empty and I would outsource it if I could afford to

How much does a housekeeper cost?

How old are the children? I fold washing into individual boxes and they have to put them away themselves. Smallest is age six and manages it.

Not actually answering your question though. Sorry!

A friend of mine had a "lady that does" She used to come in every morning for an hour or two. She did the cleaning, but also laundry- made sure the fridge had the basics in and would make a cold lunch and leave it in the fridge for him.
Basically her duties were more than a normal cleaner, but just helped keep his life on track.

Bumblebee I did think about sending laundry out but that would still leave the putting away and as we now have quite minimal wardrobes I would need a very quick turnaround before we start running out of stuff!

At the moment I find that the cleaner almost creates more work as I tidy before she gets here so that she can concentrate on the real job of cleaning. But if I find this magical person who does both, I could rely on them to put things where they belong as well, ideally decluttering as they go too.

Good point Biscuit - youngest is 6 here too so they could probably manage to put most stuff away. I have everything organised in drawers Kondo-style so it might need some training first.
What kind of boxes do you have?

Whereabouts are you, OP? Someone here might be able to recommend someone.

Daily house keeper would be awesome. All domestic chores plus home cooked meal when you get in

We have three Ikea ones and a random basket. They fit into two stacks of shelves in our utility room. Those are just pjs which are a bit messy in the bottom basket

We used to have a Billy bookcase for them though, which also worked well.

@ChangementDeNom
Most launderettes offer a 24 hour service, so very quick turn around
Some you can drop it off in the morning and pick up in the evening, but with collection and delivery it would usually be about 24 hours

Fantastic - thanks Biscuit, I'll have a look for those.

Hollow I'm in North London - yes, would be grateful for any recommendations!

I'm not sure we could stretch to every day, but potentially 2-3 days a week would be manageable cost-wise, and a huge help too.

OP I think having a housekeeper is a brilliant idea...There is absolutely nothing wrong what so ever with prioritizing your own well being and making time to enjoy life with your family.....Why not try a short term contract with an agency housekeeper as a trial? Bet you will not want to let her go!!!