To be upset by my therapists 'advice'?

[Potatoskin]

I've struggled with an eating disorder and body dismorphia for years now. It's gotten quite intense recently. I had a session with my therapist where I broke down infront of her about how miserable and it makes me when I look at or think about my Body. Her exact words were "Maybe don't look in any mirrors."

I don't know why, but this has really upset me.. I feel like she's trivialising my problems.. But I also may be being pathetic. I just can't stop thinking about this comment. Aibu being so upset, and should I tell somebody about it?

What are the qualifications of this therapist?

She sounds like a shit therapist. If you were an alcoholic, would her advice be ‘maybe don’t go in any pubs’??
I’m sorry you have had this experience- I’d suggest finding another therapist if I were you.

I am a therapist. Not trained in eating disorders though. How has your relationship been up until now?

It all depends of the context of it and what your relationship with them is like, and what type of therapy it is. Psychodynamic psychotherapy is not about giving advice. In this instance the therapist might say something like "why do you think you look at yourself in a mirror so much if it upsets you" and this opens up a conversation to the patients feelings.

I don't think its such a bad suggestion really. And it was a suggestion not advice. If you are being hyper critical of yourself then a mirror is just another tool to beat yourself up with.

If you have a good rapport with your therapist, then mention this comment upset you and give them to opportunity to explain.

Good luck OP

Sounds about as sensible as a patient telling a therapist they have social anxiety problems, only to be advised to stay indoors. Her response was crass and insensitive. Find someone else really.

Maybe she meant to avoid them if you have an obsession with staring into them which is adding to the problem?

Like how people with ED's are advised not to weigh themselves at home.

YANBU, what a stupid thing to say!

Context?

We've never really got along, she just doesn't seem to take me seriously. Shes dropped the ball alot when it comes to treatment. Think it's time I changed to be honest.

i agree it depends on context. If it followed a conversation about the impact of 'mirror gazing' then i can understand it, if it an off the cuff suggestion then it seems dismissive. Either way i hope you feel able to bring it up with them and discuss it's impact

Context was literally I said I feel disgusted about my Body whenever I think about it or see it. Her response was to maybe not look in any mirrors. Then she moved onto another subject.

Depends on context really. If it's "every time I look in a mirror I feel xyz" then not looking in mirrors for now while you get to grips with the underlying issue may be sound advice.

Cross-post. I'm not sure OP. With a good therapist, you should be able to raise it in the next session and explore further.

A good therapist who you have a good rapport with is essential. Sounds like she isn’t the right ‘fit’ for you, and a change would be a good plan.

I've found that a lot of otherwise good therapists (and doctors for that matter) are useless when it comes to eating disorders. You need one who has specialised otherwise they just don't get it.

I'm sorry she was so dismissive of you, she shouldn't have done that. It's horrible when you open up about the really tough stuff and they brush it aside as if you're being silly.

I'd suggest finding a therapist you can work through the ED stuff with. Be pleased that you've got to the point you can talk about it out loud with your current therapist but accept that it's time to find more targeted help.

If you don't feel that she is taking you seriously and you feel that she has 'dropped the ball' regarding your treatment then you must seek an alternative Therapist.

Her exact words were "Maybe don't look in any mirrors."

Sounds like good advice to me. I avoid mirrors like the plague. Difficult to obsess about what you csn’t see.

But you’re obviously not satisfied with the relationship generally. So time to seek a new therapist, perhaps?

*MORE difficult

Change therapist. I am a recovering bulimic and your therapist is sometimes the only person you can turn to. So needs to be someone you like and trust. My therapist used to be quite hard on me at times and she could actually have said what yours said, but it would have had a different result because she spent time building my trust and earning it. So when she had to be firm or fivee a kick up my arse, it worked because I knew it was coming from a good place of someone I trust with my life.

I’m no therapist but I have the same issues as you and don’t look at mirrors and find it really helps me. I stuck to my small face mirror to apply my makeup once a day and even in clothes shops I run past them. For me it actually helps.

You don’t have to get on with your therapist and could change but I’ve found that when I despise mine and go home fuming angry at their ‘crap advice’ it’s normally because they’re right and I’m in denial. Not saying yours is good for you just putting it out there they may be coming from a reasonable place.

I would say suggesting avoiding situations which cause emotional distress or increased urges to restrict food until a point you are ready to be exposed to them is ok.

It doesn't sound as though she came across well to you, but there's a possibility it was misplaced rather than meaning to be hurtful.

What about if you’re in the bath or shower though. Avoiding mirrors won’t help. Sounds like this is effecting you massively, especially hearing words like ‘broke down’. I think since your update that you don’t have a great rapport I’d change therapists. If you feel able to tell her how that comment made you feel.

I hope it all works out for you x

It sounds like it's your relationship with your therapist rather than the particular suggestion that's the issue. If you had felt really heard and understood by her, you may have taken this remark differently. Is she a specialist in eating disorders, as it really is a niche area of therapy?

Sounds like time to find a new therapist.