To be upset by my therapists 'advice'?

[Potatoskin]

I've struggled with an eating disorder and body dismorphia for years now. It's gotten quite intense recently. I had a session with my therapist where I broke down infront of her about how miserable and it makes me when I look at or think about my Body. Her exact words were "Maybe don't look in any mirrors."

I don't know why, but this has really upset me.. I feel like she's trivialising my problems.. But I also may be being pathetic. I just can't stop thinking about this comment. Aibu being so upset, and should I tell somebody about it?

The above advice to challenge your therapist the next time you see her is really good. You might find you misinterpreted the meaning behind what she said - she probably didn't mean to sound dismissive. It's also not a bad thing to hear something in therapy that hits a nerve, in fact it's often and essential part of getting to the bottom of what's really going on, the painful stuff. Have a think about why it's hurt you so much and discuss with her.

On the other hand, she could be a bad therapist, or at least not the right therapist for you. Her response and the subsequent discussion should help you understand which it is.

The response I'd expect is to address your distress by helping you with challenging your negative thoughts (CBT for Dummies is great for this I really would buy it) & discussing other coping strategies. A dismissive one liner & immediately moving on is really poor. I'd find another therapist

Is she trained in eating disorders?

Even if she is if you don’t get along she’s not the right therapist for you.

It’s a dilemma. She may not be the right therapist for you, or she may be not good at working with eating disorders in which case it’s time to move on. OR as peachchair wisely said, she may have hit a really sensitive area around changing your behaviour and you are reluctant to do that.

Eating disorders are hard to work with because patients are often very reluctant to give up the control and false sense of security their behaviour gives them and so are resistant to treatment and change - is that you?

YANBU, get a new therapist. I had one years ago that tried to blame my crippling anxiety on my love for crime dramas . I stopped seeing her.

I've had an eating disorder and find mirrors confidence sapping at times - I agree the therapist is not a good match as a throwaway comment that seems trivializing isn't helpful BUT when I'm down I try to avoid looking in mirrors and getting onto scales as it drags me further down. Instead it's better to try and focus on caring for yourself, your body.

So on the whole, it might be part of a recovery strategy, but one comment isn't going to fix it!

Looking in mirrors repeatedly (checking) is a symptom of body dysmorphia. Checking repeatedly is an obsessive behaviour usually done to try to make you feel better but will actually increase your anxiety. Some people with BDD will literally sit for hours looking at themselves in a mirror. I have BDD which is under control but the first thing I notice if my head is going there is that I start mirror checking. As soon as I notice this I restrict myself to looking in the mirror only once or twice a day and if caught early this is usually enough to make it pass. I am not sure in what context your therapist made her comment but perhaps it was this she was trying to get at.

Therapists do sometimes say things that tough have a nerve. I would suggest going back and bringing up how this made you feel and see what she says. If you are not happy with her response then find someone else. However I have found myself that my upset over something said by a therapist has often led to a breakthrough. Some therapists are also just not very good though!

I was trained psychotherapeutically. Psychotherapists do not give advice, nor should they. What a dismissive comment! I'd find someone else immediately.

Well that's crap advice. You don't need to be peering into mirrors to see your body! You can look down and it's there. Also walking outside you will pass car mirrors/shop windows etc. Does she want you to walk around with a bag over your head?
She should be helping you to accept your body as it is and working on why you have a skewed view of yourself and how to help with that.
It's like when you have anorexia and someone tells you your too thin and should eat more. Yes I know that Doris but if I could do that I wouldn't have an eating disorder

I had to see a therapist for a whilst for a similar issue.

One of the pieces of advice she gave to me was similar but worded more constructively. Mirrors were a trigger that sent me spiralling into anxiety. I avoided them for a period of time to break the cycle of being triggered and spiralling. She said we needed to form new neural pathways.

It really worked for me and I started to feel much better. I know the way your therapist worded it sounds flippant but in my experience the actual process did help. Hope you can find a more suitable therapist soon!

How about 'instead of focusing on the parts of your body you are not currently happy with every time you look in the mirror tell yourself something you do like - I like my eyes, I like how kind of a person I am etc. Stop focusing on the 'bad' and start focusing on the good... your therapist is shit and needs sacking of! Im sure you have a rocking bod compared to me 😁🖤

If something your therapist said upset you so much that you need to post in AIBU for support .. pretty sure you need a new therapist

Before ditching this therapist try going back and challenging her. Let her know how you felt after hearing this. Sometimes being open about unhappiness or dissatisfaction with your therapist gives the opportunity to build a stronger therapeutic alliance.

If,having raised the issue, you are still unhappy then it’s time to move on.

How old are you, op?

Finding a decent eating disorder therapist is notoriously difficult.

She sounds crap and a crap therapist will set you back further than bringing you on.

Perhaps try the message boards on beat to see if anyone in your area has found a good ED therapist?

Depends on context and I completely agree relationship with your therapist. I saw a psychologist for quite some time for very similar issues and we identified that not looking in mirrors at all would be ideal but not manageable for me - so we agreed to a time limit on "mirror gazing".