AIBU to turn off the internet at 10 or 10.30 on a school night?

[BlackCatinChaos]

I have a 15 yr old DS who plays on xbox and talks to his friends sometimes noisily. I have asked him to be quieter usually after 9.00pm as I have a younger DD who goes to bed around 9.
If he refuses to be quiet by 10 or 10.30 …… AIBU to turn off internet?

This turning off of internet usually leads to him throwing a strop, slamming doors, shouting, us having an argument. :(

This turning off of internet usually leads to him throwing a strop, slamming doors, shouting, us having an argument.

What's the punishment for this behaviour? 10.30pm is more than late enough to turn off the Xbox. If he can't turn it off and you're having to resort to turning off the internet, then I would be removing the Xbox pretty sharpish.

How is his behaviour otherwise & how old is the other child? Can the 15 yo play X-Box in another room?

You would not be unreasonable in the slightest.

Cherries101 he is good at school and generally doesn't get into trouble outside of school. He just seems to have attitude at home . DD is 10yrs old. Ds xbox is in his bedroom cause being a teen that's where he likes to be most of the time.

I think that is fair considering a 15yo shouldn't really be staying up much later than that on a school night anyway!

He should have the internet taken away full stop for talking to you like that.

Mine goes off sun 6pm and back on Fri 4pm except for homework which is supervised I have 5 boys and on my own so only way I can keep order

Personally I wouldn't allow Xbox in the bedroom. I have a 10yo and a nearly 14 yo. Our PS4 is in the living room. The 14yo's phone is not allowed in her bedroom at night. The stropping and door slamming needs to incur consequences.

YANBU I would remove the Xbox from his room and turn off the internet at 9 pm until he learns to behave.

He would hate living in my house. My 15 year old son doesn’t have xbox in his room. He goes to bed at 9pm on school nights ( except Wednesday’s when he has army cadets). Lights out 9:30 after reading for 30 minutes. It’s always been this way. ( apart from the time has shifted later as he’s got older)

10pm off for everyone should improve things and give him some time without blue light before bed. Presumably he is up early for school so stillneeds a decent sleep himself and must be approaching exams anyway. I guess he already wears headphones but also ask him to reduce the shouting out/loud discussion between 9 and 10pm.

I agree it should not be in his room, it should be lights off by 10 pm. I brought up 2 boys mostly on my own, and on school nights they were allowed an hour each on the x- box, router turned off by 10 pm, at weekends it was more relaxed. It is the only way to retain some control.

I agree that an x-box should be for family use never individual use. Tell him it’s going downstairs or the alternative is no internet at all for him.

Perhaps he coping at school BECAUSE the router goes of at 10.30 and he actually gets some sleep.

My dds 15.I internet off at 10pm weekdays as she is in her GCSE year.We agreed this together as otherwise she is on YouTube,chatting to friends and at 10 realises she still has homework so is knackered the next morning.

I think you need to get a grip on this before his behaviour escalates, the shouting and tantrums at you are just not a acceptable behaviour, especially for a 15yo what are the consequences of those actions? I agree Xbox shouldn't be in his room, you are encouraging him to spend time isolated, then calling it typical teenage behaviour, that's just an excuse a child/teen is the product of their parenting, if you allow then to do play Xbox in their room that is down to you not just because they are a teen. We do not have computers in bedroom, our DC15 will eat dinner with us every night, spend 1-2 hours with us doing homework, taking and hanging out, and then she goes to her room where she has her "downtime" and bed is 9.30.
He is at a really crucial age where he needs freedom to develop but still needs the guidance from you. Good luck op.

I think you already know you’re not being unreasonable.

Tell your son “I’m switching the internet off at 10pm, that’s plenty late enough on a school night. Throw a strop and it goes off thirty minutes earlier tomorrow and will keep getting earlier until you understand that im the adult and you must consider other people too”

He’s just pushing you to find where his boundaries are, let him get away with this and he will grow up to disrespect you and women in general just because he thinks it’s acceptable. (Ok I may be exaggerating, but it is your job to raise him to be polite and respectful)

Earlier I’d say. You can’t expect them to stop playing/browsing and go straight to sleep.
Id say at least 1.5 hours before you expect them to be asleep.
But ideally a set time, say 4-6 or 6-8

Stropping like that would result in no Xbox next day round here - rinse and repeat til message received.

out of interest (I don't have a teen and these issues), doesn't switching the internet off mean that you (ie the parents) can no longer watch Netflix or Prime or use the internet yourselves? Isn't that a bit of a pain?

RiverTam - not if your teen goes to bed at about the same time the parents do, which is probably fairly common with 15, 16 year-olds. I go to bed by 10.30, so the OP's timings wouldn't be an issue for me.

I'd set up the router so that it turns off automatically.

Or you could set it up specifically to block the xbox at that time and not your own devices so you can still watch iplayer in bed :3

This turning off of internet usually leads to him throwing a strop, slamming doors, shouting, us having an argument

that would just mean an instant ban for a good couple of weeks in my house.

You cannot back off from telling your child off because they react negatively, that's recipe for disaster.

On another note, how does a 15 year old have time to play on an xbox in the evening during the week? Between all the various clubs and homework, most kids haven't got that much "free" time - which is exactly why they do so may activities.

Going through the same thing right now without the stropping and slamming, just lots of moaning and "I know but" arguments.

I just keep repeating that sometimes I have to make decisions for you that you don't like but are in your best interest, as that's my responsibility as your parent. ("I know but")

The BT wifi mesh that I've just installed has made this miles easier to administer, turns off for the younger kids but stays available for late teens (18+) and us. Fairly expensive but so far a godsend.

Thanks for all the replies :) lots to think about.