To the mums who had their babies as teenagers...

[namechange097]

I've name changed for this so there's no link with my other threads.

Has anyone had 2 children by age 19/20? How did you cope financially, home wise, work wise etc?

The only person I know to have 2 by 19 was my GM who died a few years ago so can't query anything with her!

Not looking for nasty comments, just anyone who can offer input for the question!

@FortyFacedFuckers I'm sorry you had such a struggle with TTC!

@namechange097
Thank you hope you are getting the advice you need!

“How was your relationship?”

Well we’re still together, lol, um tbh the hardest bit was with DS as obviously having a baby is kind of overwhelming and there’s no sleep and you’re both tired and grumpy, lol, but it was easier the second time because we kind of (as much as anyone does) knew what we were doing more.

And around about 27 was a bit dodgy as DP especially saw his friends pairing up and they were doing things like romantic holidays, long walks in the country on sundays and we were dealing with homework and grocery shopping - but then they’re doing that stuff now and we’ve got loads of free time and built in house sitters, so it balances out

“How was it financially - especially the difference between 1 and 2?
Did you work? Did you live away from parents?”

These all kind of go together for me, we’d been doing the long distance thing, so I moved 100 miles to move in with DP - it ended up being just after DS was born as that’s when we managed to rent a flat. So I had no job and no childcare... and not enough earning potential to make working worth doing.

But, DP was still an apprentice (tradesman) so for the first year money was very tight.

By the time DD was born he was qualified and on an ok wage, not high, but ok, so actually it was ok then... and tbh babies aren’t the expensive bit.

Because I’d left school straight into a minimum wage job, childcare really still wasn’t worth it, so once they were both in school I went to college and then uni.

“And did you panic and have these worries before #2 as well??”

DD was planned, I knew I wanted to go back into education, and it seemed silly to do that, get a career going and then stop again...

So not so much worried about finances and what have you as we’d worked that out...

But I had a huge panic about how I was going to manage 2 children... as I went into labour, rofl, I remember telling DP I’d changed my mind, I wasn’t ready for another one - while he was just looking at me like

But tbh it was fine... so much easier than just having one without a clue how we were supposed to get it to grown..

I did the opposite - not through choice just how things panned out, but I started work at 18, bought a house at 21, various boyfriends etc but finally met DH when I was mid 30s and married at 39. I always said you should either have your family early (so you could have fun/holidays/career later), or late - so you did it all first. While not a conscious decision, I still think there's truth in that. We were financially settled and mortgage free, so I could work part time and be a SAHM - but I needed IVF and am the oldest Mum at the school gates. It's horses for courses, but I still think do it while you're young then have a life - or do the opposite - is a good plan. That said - when we meet the right person, when we fall pregnant - accidentally or planned - is all in the lap of the gods. I once heard that if you waited for the best time you'd never do it - so embrace and enjoy!

I knew one girl in my school who had 2 by 20, but she was married after her first when she was 17 and he had a good job and a house. She's been a SAHM since GCSEs and seems to be living a lovely life.

Not me , but my mum had me at 16 and my brother at 19, from 20 she was a single parent. She always worked, she worked in doing jobs at home when we were very little, really dull stuff , I remember boxes of pencils being delivered to the house and she had to go through thousands of them and quality check them, crap money but she did what she needed to. She did some child minding taking kids to school and picking them up from school too. When we started school she worked at a factory and at that time she started night school once a week and did some A levels. After that she got a job in a bank and she's worked there since. She also did evening work delivering catalogue parcels for many years, so she literally was out of the house working from 8am until 8pm mon to fri plus about 5 hours on a Saturday. It was really hard for her. But her hard work meant that she was able save to buy a house when she was about 30, and make sure that me and my brother didn't go without. We didn't have holidays. Our first family holiday abroad was when I was 18 and my brother was 15, my mum saved up and it was our Christmas present- a week in Grand Canaria - it was brilliant!
She always wanted me and my brother to have the choices she didn't have. She always made sure there were books in the house, she'd buy the 99p penguin classics, so as a kid I developed a love of reading, when my friends were into sweet valley high I was devouring things like Tom Sawyer and Pride and Prejudice. I went to college and uni and now have a very good job. Me and my mum and brother are very close still. I love that I'm now in a position that I can take her on holiday every year and I can treat her (although she's so bloody proud and stubborn I still have to fight her to so much as pay for the coffees when we're out!)
It was hard work for her but she's now mid fifties and starting new hobbies and enjoying life

Lol - I'm mid fifties and enjoying my primary school DCs..... Guess there's no right and wrong, no 'best way' - pros and cons for both approaches.

@tabulahrasa thank you for taking the time to answer those questions!

My story isn't so positive OP

I had my first at 16, found out when my DS was 5 weeks old that I was expecting baby number 2. Exdp became violent when I was 3 months pregnant so we split.

So by 17 I was a single mum with 2 children under the age of 1.

I lived in a private rented property and was on benefits for a long time.

I found it super hard to cope with living away from home, looking after 2 children and not having much money that I struggled extremely to bond with my children, the paternal grandparents were very hands on and because I wasn't coping I let them take over caring for them instead of asking them to support me bonding and caring for them.
It resulted in my children viewing their grandparents as more of a parent than myself and at the age of 8 and 9 respectively they went to live with them full time. We have a very strained relationship now

So it doesn't always work out well it's just people don't want to talk about it when it doesn't

It’s way more info than you needed to know, lol.

But I figured - this is how things were - is more useful than just, it was fine.

Because it was/is fine, some specific issues I don’t think we’d have had if we were older, but most of the stuff that’s hard about having children is hard for everyone, babies who don’t sleep, toddler tantrums and what have you.

And the payoff for the bits that were harder is that I’m 40 and don’t need to worry about getting a babysitter or just going away for a few days and I have the option of doing things with the DC as well.

@loopy42

I don’t think anyone’s more prepared for your set of circumstances at a different age though... yours isn’t an ‘unhappy’ outcome because you were young, it’s because you went through some really difficult things, which would have been difficult for anyone.

Yes, first at 17, mortgage at 18 and second baby at 19

I had my first at 18. Found out I was pregnant while sitting my a levels.
Put uni on the back burner while dc dad went to full time work and i was a sahm.
We had a ha flat.
Had dc2 and found out dc dad was cheating on me so ended up as a single parent at 20.

It's hard when they're little. My best advice would be trying to get them to nap at the same time.
I used to love my daily 30 mins of peace with a coffee.

Yep, I did it. I had three by the time I was 21. My marriage didn’t last, we separated when DC3 was two so were together eight years but accepted it wasn’t working out. Fairly amicable separation, no big drama.

I went to uni and worked PT while they were all babies/toddlers. It was utterly exhausting and I still don’t know how I survived. I think I was on autopilot for most of it . I now teach English in a college after gaining a first in English lit. Don’t do too bad financially, am getting remarried this year and have a 11 week old (hence not being at work). We own our own home and do fairly well financially, it didn’t really hold me back tbh.

I had my first child at 19. Second at 23. I’m 26 now. I’m married to DH. We own our own small, modest, two bed home. We both are building good careers after finishing university. And our relationship has always been strong. (We’ve been together since we were 15). He’s my best friend and knows me better than I know myself. He always has my corner, and I always have his. Neither of us have ever wanted to be with anyone else. Neither of us feel like we are missing out by not having had other relationships.

It’s not all been a bed of roses and there are things I feel like I’ve missed out on. (Travelling mostly). But by the time I’m 45, our mortgage will be paid off and our children will be in their 20s. A lot of our friends will still have school aged children or younger!

Not me, but an acquaintance had her first at 17. We're now both in our mid-thirties, I'm at home with a toddler (and contemplating a second!), she's back to her career and moving on. I'm a bit jealous tbh!

I had my first at 18 (DH was still 17), then we had our second at 21 who has SEN. Life was a struggle, I was, and still am, a SAHM, as have always had little to no family support on either side. DH worked full time in various jobs, but was always in work, we rented privately, and then when eldest was 3 we got offered a place by the council, so life was much more settled. 15 years on, we now have another DD, who's just turned 3, DH has a career which pays very well, and we own our own home. As much as we did struggle back then, we were so happy, and always believed we could make it work as long as we had each other, we're both 34 now and still going strong (most of the time 😂)