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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Holiday with in-laws

36 replies

Laurendawn1 · 15/01/2019 18:49

My in-laws have ticked me off a few too many times these past few months and my partner recently mentioned to them we were planning on going abroad and now they’ve offered to tag along and everyone thinks it’ll be a really good trip and I’m the only one dreading it ,not only do they make me feel uncomfortable they’re crazy drinkers! They think it’s going to be a big booze up and that’s not what I wanted I’ve git a two year old and a baby, my partner thinks I’m being unreasonable for not wanting to go with them but they just make me uncomfortable and it’s not like they don’t mean to they actively try to put me down. They think I breastfeed my newborn son so that I don’t have to go to work and they actually called me “selfish” For it 😅 ? FIL called me fat and told me I best get my bikini body back before we go (I had a 4 week old at the time). It’s not just unwanted comments all the time and they undermine basically every parenting decision I make, they fed my daughter solids at 16 weeks even know they knew I was waiting until 6 months. It’s almost every time we go there ,I’m so grateful that they’re so involved my daughter loves them so it would be nice for my daughter for them to be there but It’s my holiday too and I don’t wanna be insecure the whole time or uncomfortable. They don’t wanna see me breastfeeding even under a cover so what will I do ? Stay in the room feeding my son? My partner has said something too them before but nothing changed accept they started to make fun of the fact I “can’t take anything on the chin” but like I said I don’t want them there I want to relax on my first family holiday with my kids and partner, I know I’m being shellfish but I do believe some times you’re aloud to be especially when you’re lying lots of money but It’ll probably be fine I’m just dreading it I don’t wanna be lumped with both kids on my own while they all go out or just feel too awkward to get into my swim suit or anything like that

OP posts:
Original poster
Laurendawn1 · 15/01/2019 18:50

Being selfish not shellfish lmao

OP posts:
flumpybear · 15/01/2019 18:52

Oh god no! It's your holiday, that's going to really spoil it - tell your partner that it'll be too stressful and no holiday for you

Shoxfordian · 15/01/2019 18:52

Make it really clear to your partner that you don't want to go with them and you're not going to go. Don't be a people pleaser or a walkover.

Bambamber · 15/01/2019 18:54

Fuck that. No in laws or no holiday. Why does your husband allow his parents to disrespect you in such a disgusting manner? I hope he treats you better than they do

Chamomileteaplease · 15/01/2019 18:54

It's your holiday too and I think your partner is being very unkind not listening to you.

Is it booked? Have you sat down with him and told him that you 100% do not want them coming and that it won't be a holiday for you if they came? He needs to listen to you.

meow2019 · 15/01/2019 18:55

They sound like cunts. FIL called you fat?!

Mascarponeandwine · 15/01/2019 18:55

Is it booked? If so then no. Just no. I had to put my foot down too over this issue and my in laws are quite nice. But I don’t want all the childcare and a load of compromise too, if me and dh have 100% of the childcare, then we want 100% say in the type of holiday and choices / decisions to be made. Not lots of trying to fit in and shoehorn the kids routines into adult wants. Sod that. Plus their attitude to safety when around swimming pools is basically non existent.

Returnofthesmileybar · 15/01/2019 18:57

Eh no way Jose would I go along with that! Put your foot down now or it will be an annual family trip!

Mrswalliams1 · 15/01/2019 18:58

I couldn't think of anything worse...holiday with the in-laws. I've been made to feel bad and guilty for not going on holiday with mine but I've clearly and firmly said No everytime. Husband now accepts it but doesn't really understand. I'd prefer to stick pins in my eyes. Stand firm ..VERY FIRM

StressedToTheMaxx · 15/01/2019 18:59

Sit down calmly, tell you husband the basis for your concerns and tell you him he can go on a holiday with you and the children or he goes on a holiday with his parents but he can't have both.

Tentomidnight · 15/01/2019 18:59

Tell your partner that if they go, you won’t go, and will take the children elsewhere that week.
You are being bullied by them and that is NOT acceptable. Your partner needs to shape up or ship out.

username42 · 15/01/2019 19:00

UANBU! You have every right to say you just want it to be you, DP and DC. Especially when they treat you like that. I would put my foot down with DP he is being selfish not considering your views when he knows they have upset you so often.

CoastalLife · 15/01/2019 19:00

Be very direct with DH. Either we go on holiday as a family of four as originally planned, or the kids and I stay at home (or even better, you and the kids go on holiday on your own and do your own thing!). He cannot unilaterally decide how the whole family will be spending holidays. Maybe you could also tell him that when he is able to stick up for you and encourage his parents to respect you, perhaps then you will have the kind of relationship with them where you want to go on holidays together.

Stardustinmyeyes · 15/01/2019 19:02

As PILs who have been on holiday with our DS and DDIL and grandson. I think they are behaving appallingly. Your DH should be backing you up not undermining you. Your in-Laws sound bloody awful and you're not being selfish at all.
Try and talk to your DH and get him to understand how uncomfortable you feel about the whole thing. He's a disgrace if he doesn't back you up

Loseitandkeepitlost · 15/01/2019 19:03

Why the hell does your partner think you would want to go with them?

Also, why does he not stick up for you when they’re being so vile?

Nanny0gg · 15/01/2019 19:03

I’m so grateful that they’re so involved my daughter loves them

Why is it that everyone of these threads has a sentence like this in it?

Why are you grateful that unpleasant people are involved with your children?

You need to actively discourage children from liking bullies! Teach them boundaries.

MsFrosty · 15/01/2019 19:03

They're dicks a d your husband is a dick for not putting them in their place.
If holiday is booked I'd be trying to change the booking, if it's not booked I'd make it clear to husband you and the kids won't be going if in laws go too.
I'd also consider going low contact

PurpleCrazyHorse · 15/01/2019 19:04

I would tell DH that he can go on holiday with his parents and the children and I'd be booking a holiday elsewhere on my own (in an adult only resort with a spa). Of course if you still have a BF baby then you might need to take them with you somewhere, but I certainly wouldn't be letting DH head off on a piss up with his parents and no kids.

Laiste · 15/01/2019 19:04

They think it’s going to be a big booze up and that’s not what I wanted I’ve git a two year old and a baby

They think I breastfeed my newborn son so that I don’t have to go to work and they actually called me “selfish” For it

FIL called me fat and told me I best get my bikini body back before we go (I had a 4 week old at the time).

they undermine basically every parenting decision I make, they fed my daughter solids at 16 weeks even know they knew I was waiting until 6 months.

They don’t wanna see me breastfeeding even under a cover so what will I do ? Stay in the room feeding my son?

they started to make fun of the fact I “can’t take anything on the chin”

You sit your DP down and you tell him you understand they're his family, and that you won't be rude to them BUT you won't be going on a holiday with them. If he really needs to ask why you calmly list all the things above including the fact that it all means you won't be relaxed.

You're not asking - you're telling him you're not going with them.

chocolatecake08 · 15/01/2019 19:05

If you haven't booked it put your foot down and don't go

PurpleCrazyHorse · 15/01/2019 19:07

We have been on holiday with in-laws and extended family and it was hard work. They are essentially all nice but we don't have much in common in terms of budget and also what we want to do on holiday. It's really hard to have a great time (for everyone) when it's full of compromise. We are unlikely to holiday with them again and they are very nice in-laws. If they were horrible then there is no way.

We only now holiday with very close friends. We agree our budget and type of holiday and we enjoy the same sorts of things.

WhoGivesADamnForAFlakeyBandit · 15/01/2019 19:07

If your Dh wants to go on a family holiday with his DPs, then he can.

You don't have to. Because if you do, you'll end up looking after both DCs as well as dealing with their drinking and insults and googling divorce solicitors in any spare minute you have.

You could have a lovely week at home without him.

Laiste · 15/01/2019 19:07

*Nanny0gg -

I’m so grateful that they’re so involved my daughter loves them

''Why is it that everyone of these threads has a sentence like this in it?''

Because every one of these threads will have at least one poster who will come on, ignore the big issue, and tell the OP she should be grateful. Either because their parent/in law/granny is dead, or because she'll be begging for their help in a few years apparently and you mustn't piss the inlaws off.

All a load of bollocks.

Strawberry2017 · 15/01/2019 19:30

Just say no!
Don't do anything you don't want to!

Buntybearbess · 15/01/2019 19:31

Tell your DH that if they go you don't and don't let him sway you. Tell him exactly what you want and expect from a family holiday and that it doesn't include them. Holidays are too expensive to mess around trying to make everyone happy.

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