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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - 30th Birthday??

36 replies

CannotChooseFamily · 15/01/2019 17:56

Name changed for this!

AIBU - my mom and sister have just informed me they will be booking the week of my 30th birthday off - not to celebrate my birthday at all - but to go on their own separate holiday together abroad?!

It’s my 30th this summer and I was kind of hoping (maybe this is where I went wrong!) that they may want to organise a get together at least for my birthday?? Or at least be around for the weekend beforehand so we can do something to celebrate!

They don’t understand why I’m not happy. I would get it if I NEVER did anything for them. But I organised a meal out for my moms birthday last year, paid the deposits, pre-ordered all the food, got in touch with the restaurant multiple times when they kept changing the guests etc. This is not the only time I have done stuff like this. I would never dream of booking a holiday on my own when it comes to their 30th and 60th which are approaching soon (after this maybe I would though!). I have said this to them, but my answer was - why should we organise something for you. Apparently I’m acting like a child for feeling hurt and upset and frankly, a bit annoyed.

AIBU to be hurt by this? Apparently it’s the only week they could get off together. In the whole of 2019. Yet when I kick up a bit of a fuss, they miraculously can book the following week Hmm.

Honest answers would be great. Maybe I’m being too sensitive but it just feels like they really couldn’t give two f@*ks.

OP posts:
DitheringBlidiot · 15/01/2019 17:58

I couldn’t get too upset about it to be honest. I’d be more upset that I wasn’t invited. I didn’t see my mum in my 30th birthday, I went on holiday, could you do that?

Santaclarita · 15/01/2019 17:59

Maybe they are going to take you as a surprise?

Otherwise they seem horrible.

Usuallyinthemiddle · 15/01/2019 17:59

They couldn't be doing some complicated surprise for you, could they?

MissionItsPossible · 15/01/2019 18:00

I think you're being oversensitive but I understand people place different levels of importance on birthdays though. Hope you have a good one regardless SmileCake

WeeBean · 15/01/2019 18:01

I don't think you're being unreasonable, I'd be hurt if it was me! Have they not even invited you to go on holiday with them as a birthday treat?

AllMYSmellySocks · 15/01/2019 18:03

Why were you not invited on the holiday? As an isolated event I wouldn't be that bothered (they might not have known you wanted to celebrate the weekend before your birthday) but I can see why you're hurt if you routinely take the initiative to do things for their birthdays and they don't reciprocate.

Original poster
CannotChooseFamily · 15/01/2019 18:04

Nope, no invite to the holiday. They can be very selfish people at times but just don’t seem to realise it. My husband is VERY rational about things and tries to make me see all different sides to things so as to not get annoyed but even he couldn’t defend this one.

They went completely off the rail with me calling me selfish for being like that.

To put things into a little more perspective. My husband and I lost our son last year - he was stillborn during my second trimester and I am still very emotional but I kind of thought they might make a little effort with me after all of that too. Go figure.

OP posts:
Original poster
CannotChooseFamily · 15/01/2019 18:06

Oh and they won’t be doing anything a surprise for me like that else my husband would have tried to twist it I think to keep it secret.

OP posts:
AllMYSmellySocks · 15/01/2019 18:07

I think the fact they're going and not even inviting you around a significant birthday does change things a bit (I sort of assumed you had turned down the trip). I would be upset and feel left out.

LagunaBubbles · 15/01/2019 18:08

Yanbu. I would be hurt to, its not about the actual birthday but how little they are considering you. This is MN where some people don't think adults should celebrate their birthdays however!

AllMYSmellySocks · 15/01/2019 18:08

Also I'm very sorry to hear about your son OP Flowers yes you would think they would be especially sensitive given that.

7yo7yo · 15/01/2019 18:09

They sound awful.
I’m shocked at how horrible families can be and how much people tolerate. It might not matter to some people but it matters to YOU.
I certainly wouldn’t be doing much for their birthdays though.

Bunbunbunny · 15/01/2019 18:09

Yeah I’d be really pissed off with that as well. Are they normally like that with you?

Christmasfairy07 · 15/01/2019 18:13

Yes I don’t get that thing about you shouldn’t be bothered when you’re an adult. Birthdays are special whether you’re 3,30 or 90!

Robin2323 · 15/01/2019 18:24

30 is a biggy
Do you really want to go out with your mum?

Plan something really fun with your hubby.
You really deserve it.
30 is great too.
I got engage on my 30 th and celebrated with 2 other couples.
Forget them and have some fun. Thanks

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 15/01/2019 18:28

Personally I wouldn’t be bothered, but that’s just me.

Tbh, I’d start treating them they way they treat you, “treat people they way you expected to be treated” was my Grans old motto

DonCorleoneTheThird · 15/01/2019 18:28

That's very sad, I think birthdays are a big thing anyway. If they are important to you too, surely your own mother and sister will know that.

Celebrate with your friends or go away with your DH. Make it special, just remember there's no point in including your mother and sister. Their loss.

Usuallyinthemiddle · 15/01/2019 18:32

They've gone bat shit because they feel guilty. Xx

ThanosSavedMe · 15/01/2019 18:47

Well now you know, don’t waste your time and energy planning anything for their birthdays.

Some people are just different, they don’t see things like this as important (unless it’s for them!) look at all the posts on Mumsnet where people don’t get why someone is upset that no one did anything for their birthday.

Anyway, have a good birthday and just make sure you don’t do too much for others.

Lisabel · 15/01/2019 18:53

Wow, of course it's horrible of them.

I didn't have a big 30th at all but my family would never be so cruel as to book a holiday without me on the week of my birthday, particularly when it's a milestone and even more so if I had experienced the same loss as you have.

Why is your sister going if you're not invited?

Leeds2 · 15/01/2019 18:58

I think you know exactly what to do for their forthcoming birthdays. Absolutely nothing. Maybe even go away for the week.

Imalittleelf · 15/01/2019 19:03

I get it. For my 30th I organised a camping trip and all my close family including in laws came at least for the day of my birthday(including friends and not close family) and we had a beach party

My dh also organised a surprise party at home and again all family and lots of friends came

Its your 30th and you are not being unfair wanting your family to celebrate but you might have to organise something yourself.

DitheringBlidiot · 15/01/2019 19:11

If you’re the first sibling to turn 30 and your mum wasn’t bothered about turning 30 then maybe they just haven’t considered how important it was to you. Which iajr nice of them. I love birthdays and a fuss but I don’t think it has to be on the day necessarily. Would you have the option of booking a weekend away and seeing family the week after your birthday? It would extend your birthday and you’d still get a fuss after your birthday has been and gone. FWIW, my mum and step dad got married on my brothers 30th birthday, it was the cheapest day that was suitable for the majority of people - he wasn’t best pleased at first 😂

Drogosnextwife · 15/01/2019 19:15

I think the worst part is they haven't invited you! Why not? That's pretty selfish and a bit nasty.

RuggerHug · 15/01/2019 19:16

Yeah they sound like dicks.

Think the best thing to do is book a trip for you a DH somewhere better that you want to go to. If they suddenly get a wave of decency and ask you to join them then you get to shove them off. I wouldn't bother organising anything for their birthdays again.