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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be suspicious

47 replies

Nighowl · 14/01/2019 17:48

Found a letter from the bank confirming an appt for my husband next week.... We’ve not been getting on well recently, to the point we even talked about splitting up, but are trying to make it work. Found this letter yesterday and not sure what to think? AIBU to be a bit suspicious of this? He’s not mentioned it at all......

OP posts:
Wasafatmum42 · 14/01/2019 17:58

if its a joint account DEFINITELY because most people start with the finances with the view of moving the money before they up sticks

Hoopaloop · 14/01/2019 18:06

Sounds like he's getting his ducks in a line!

Original poster
Nighowl · 14/01/2019 18:13

Ducks in a line? Yes we have a joint account. There’s nothing I can do with this information is there really...

OP posts:
Omzlas · 14/01/2019 18:14

YADNBU

Could you drop it into conversation (somehow)?

NoPhelange · 14/01/2019 18:29

I'd turn up too, if it's to do with your joint account.

Original poster
Nighowl · 14/01/2019 18:32

I’m working when the appt is so can’t really turn up..... was thinking of just asking outright what it’s about....letter was folded up in his car.... I only found it as I was looking for something else.... but I’d not normally go in his car very often...

OP posts:
MagicalUnicornPoo · 14/01/2019 18:33

I’d turn up at the bank for the appointment too, if it’s regarding a joint account

7yo7yo · 14/01/2019 18:33

I’d take half the money out of the joint account and tell him why

autumngazer · 14/01/2019 18:34

Is he normally so proactive when it comes to finances? could he be looking at getting a loan or something?

MrDarcyWillBeMine · 14/01/2019 18:37

Honestly- I would transfer 50% of any savings into your personal account and explain that given you’ve been struggling and you have found X letter from the bank- you don’t feel comfortable leaving yourself exposed!

flumpybear · 14/01/2019 18:46

Ring the bank and tell them you're not agreeing to anything re your joint account - not much you can do with his own accounts

could this be mortgage related ? Honestly, most divorce is about communication breakdown - perhaps just talk to him nicely and see how it pans out. Don't lose your cool, let him flare up, it's deflection and blaming you thst you need to look out for- good luck

Ultramic · 14/01/2019 18:47

Ask him - and go from there.

Tea16 · 14/01/2019 18:49

Just ring the bank and ask them to check the notes on the account. Say you have a meeting with them and can't remember when.

username7000 · 14/01/2019 18:53

Just ask him Hmm

Wasafatmum42 · 14/01/2019 20:53

Do you know what time the appointment is ? Ring the bank and just inform them if there are any major decisions to be made not to go ahead without your consent , my ex husband said something accidentally while he was drunk and I intercepted before him and his side piece took me to the cleaners

Tea16 · 18/01/2019 22:19

How did you get on op,,?

Original poster
Nighowl · 20/01/2019 09:15

When asked just said it was to sort out accounts, was very vague..... I pushed and he says he was setting up a saving account in his name to save got hokidays etc now he has better paying job.... I said that’s a good idea but why hasn’t he discussed it with me? He thinks I’m being over the top at even questioning it.... I pointed out that with us on rocky ground surely I should be concerned if he suddenly decides nows a good time to set up another account.... i said well then maybe I should save the same amount in an account in my name too.....I’ve been told I’m being ridiculous.

OP posts:
MrDarcyWillBeMine · 21/01/2019 11:20

😮 you are not being ridiculous!

I have potentially the easiest most dedicated/ stead fast DP in the world and if I was hearing this I would lose my shit!

MrDarcyWillBeMine · 21/01/2019 11:21

He’s going into the ‘I’ve worked for this money why should she get half?’ mindset!

It’s a VERY real problem!

Merryoldgoat · 21/01/2019 11:23

You’re not being ridiculous and he’s lying. It takes about 2 minutes to set up and easily accessible savings account. I’ve done it twice myself via online banking and the accounts appear in a day. No need for an appointment.

letsdolunch321 · 21/01/2019 11:23

Sounds like he is being a sneaky shit.

Confusedbeetle · 21/01/2019 11:23

Set up an account in your own name and divide your finances , both agree before it gets messy, Start saving

Aprilshowersarecomingsoon · 21/01/2019 11:25

Open a saving account first op and transfer 50% of the joint account into it.
Then seek legal advice. I bet he is pretty soon.

MrDarcyWillBeMine · 21/01/2019 11:27

I strongly STRONGLY urge you to immediately move 50% or ‘savings/free money’ into your personal account!

An ex of mine (within an hour of me saying I didn’t think it was working anymore) transfered 80% of our savings into his account and once it’s in a personal account (not joint names) there is NOTHING a bank can do.

You have to legally fight for it back - meanwhile your dire financial situation acts as a huge incentive to accept a low/ reduced offer from him/ his solicitors!

If he’s not doing anything underhanded then surely it doesn’t make a difference if you keep 50% of cash in your account.

UbbesPonytail · 21/01/2019 11:32

I wouldn’t necessarily believe that anyway. If it’s with who you bank with already, savings accounts can be simply set up on internet banking. It would only be if he wanted advice and then you’ve got to think what advice is he after.

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