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Original poster

To hate competitive parents!

88 replies

muddyduck · 14/01/2019 10:24

We have one mum in particular who is driving me crazy with it. Her child is obviously very academic which is lovely but Mum is so competitive about it. She always wants to know what level dd is at with reading, gymnastics or swimming or whatever so she can tell me her child is higher. She always grills her child about their spelling test result as soon as the child comes out of school just so we can all hear it's full marks again. She keeps records of how many school awards other children have got and them complains if her child hasn't won anything in a while. She always judges other mums for not putting jn enough effort into their child's homework projects. It's not a competition, every parent and child is individual and we're all doing our best. I shouldn't let it get to me I know!

OP posts:
Sparklingbrook · 14/01/2019 12:50

They won't be specific presumably RosemarysBabyDress but they can give you an idea of where your child is. As long as mine were where they should be for them I didn't care about comparisons and certainly wouldn't be nosing about looking.

I am glad to hear schools have moved away from leavong all the childrens' trays on the tables and handing out your child's.

CantWaitToRetire · 14/01/2019 12:50

@muddyduck - your competitive mum must be in her element at Easter bonnet time Grin.

I have someone as a FB friend who had a DD in my DDs class at primary school. Her DD has always been a high achiever, but the poor kid wasn't allowed much down time. Even when they joined Guides the child couldn't do other activities arranged by the Guide group "because she had to study". This mum is the one who always posts "so proud of DD, she's just achieved XXX", or "DD so enjoyed having the opportunity to spend a few days at Oxford Uni doing a research project". I get she's proud, but they always come across a bit bragging.

sarahjconnor · 14/01/2019 12:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Charmatt · 14/01/2019 12:51

My eldest has LD and GDD. When he was at primary school I had a few parents who would ask what mark he got in tests, because as long as their child got more than him, they presumed they wouldn't be bottom. I quickly caught on and would tell them he didn't take the test, leaving them hanging.....

....because they realised their child might be bottom of the class after all!

My eldest was brilliant for me - he taught me so early on that his best was more than good enough and that the only thing I needed to compare him to was what he was capable of. I don't give a toss about other children being compared to either of mine - their happiness and potential are all I need to think about. If my children do their best, then they have achieved everything!

Every child has their strengths - my eldest is likeable and sociable, caring and well behaved. My youngest is academic and sporty. However both have challenges that we work on. Comparison is futile - it changes nothing and encouraged children to feel they have been a disappointment.

The upside is that you don't have to deal with these people once your children have reached a certain stage in education - the only thing you generally have in common is that your children are the same age!

Forkrightorf · 14/01/2019 12:51

We have a mum like this at school, she's not so brazen as yours but tries to compare by stealth. 2 of her DC are in the same class as 2 of mine I have double whammy. I must admit I just lie now whenever she asks for info on the DC progress - if she asks what level they're reading at I say a level 4 or 5 above where they actually are. It drives her mad Grin

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 14/01/2019 12:52

I wouldn't have dreamt of asking another parent what level of reading their child was it. Supposing the child had learning difficulties.

hpreptowers · 14/01/2019 12:52

I had a friend who used to get her DC to draw a seating plan at the start of each term so she could work out who was on which ability table.

Sparklingbrook · 14/01/2019 12:52

If it makes you feel better firsttime, it does get better as they get older. By the time they are walking themselves to school and you aren't standing outside it's great.

I only ever set foot in the High School for Parents' Evening it's great.

Satsumaeater · 14/01/2019 12:54

Competitive mum then "joked" saying "lazy parent alert!" at the top of her voice followed by "only joking!" I felt so embarrassed for the other mum. blush So unnecessary

But nobody told her she was being a cow? No all being terribly British about it.

Why are you still talking to her? I'd simply be civil and keep out of her way. I hate competitive parents. It's a good reason for mums to work actually, if you are at work and not doing the school run you don't have to see them!

RosemarysBabyDress · 14/01/2019 12:55

For each competitive mum about Easter bonnet and that kind of crap, there are many more competitive mums about "not wasting time with school things, ever".

Honestly, to have a competition you need participants, if you complain of one you are in it!

bengalcat · 14/01/2019 12:57

Just feign ignorance .

Original poster
muddyduck · 14/01/2019 12:59

Satsumaeater unfortunately I have to talk to her, our children are friends...

OP posts:
IrmaFayLear · 14/01/2019 13:01

This will carry on and on and on...

Music exams, chess tournaments, SATs, GCSEs, A Levels... And just wait - just wait - until you get to the university stage and the dreaded Oxbridge parents. And still it goes on. I had to sit with a woman recently and she was burning my ear off about her dd working for a top law firm.

And just when you think it's all over... grandparents . This is even worse as the gloves are off big time and boasting is not even remotely disguised.

A bragger is always a bragger.

BertBert · 14/01/2019 13:02

We had a mum like this in DS1 year.

Kids are now in secondary and playing field has levelled out - her DD may have picked up reading quicker than others but they're all about the same level now.

I always used to smile & nod when she was bragging. When asked how DS got on with test etc. I would just say "test? what test? DS never tells me anything about school!"

Other mum had written DS off as he's not academic (and is lazy when it comes to school work). Just wish I could have seen her face when they streamed them this year in school and DS was put in the first set with her DD.

I always tell both DS that I don't care where they are compared to others (or each other - DS2 is more academic & loves learning). The important thing to me is that they do THEIR best. I only ever compare them to themselves.

LoadOfUtterBoswellocks · 14/01/2019 13:02

My SIL is like this. And is always asking how DD is getting on, as she (DD) is very close in age to her cousin, and then we have to sit through the litany of successes her DS has achieved in the same timeframe, and then we hear about the big sister and how AMAZING that child is and on and bloody on. Give a shit, they're different kids and I'm much more concerned with mine being happy and confident.

BarbarianMum · 14/01/2019 13:03

If you are a mean spirited person (like me) you can have a lot of fun with parents like this - either by claiming unlikely levels of achievement for your child, or alternatively by claiming your child cant do anything. I made one mother very happy for years by telling her I wasn't sure what maths group ds1 was in but I thought it might be circles and that we did extra maths at home with him. Maybe it was even kind (if not kindly meant) - it certainly made her feel good about herself.

JohnCRaven · 14/01/2019 13:11

if you want to know where you child stands in relation to their classmates ask the teacher

that's stupid, no teacher will ever tell you that.

Not true. I told DD5's teacher she was anxious about the quality of her homework and the teacher laughed (sort of dismissively/laughing off the idea) and said 'hers is always the best'. So I know how my child's homework compares to others. Not a stealth boast, just disproving a statement. Teacher has taught this year group in this school for over 30 years so experienced enough to know when to speak and when not to.

KimchiLaLa · 14/01/2019 13:14

YANBU
I was at school with a girl who used to ask everyone for their results and write them down at the back of a notebook, presumably to tell her parents...
I don't think that sort of behaviour comes from the child. Its the mum and dad influencing her or telling her to.
We only found out as one day her notebook was visible to others and it caused a shit storm!
It's shit for the other kids.

Allthewaves · 14/01/2019 13:16

You need to experience the transfer test (old 11+) in northern Ireland. Makes parents a whole new level of crazy

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 14/01/2019 13:17

There always some like that sadly. With one of mine it was the dad actually. He picked up every day and when they'd had their spelling test the poor kid had just about got out of class before he was asking her what she'd got - which was always full marks.

When they got their end of term report he would open it in front of everyone telling us her grades! She was so far ahead of most of the other children which made us all feel like shit! Proper pushy dad.

Didthatreallyhappen2 · 14/01/2019 13:22

It's strange how things have changed over the years. When I was at school (30+ years ago), we were always told where we were in relation to our classmates. Indeed our reports always had a score - 6th out of 30, 10th out of 30 … whatever it was. It was accepted and nobody really ever thought anything of it (although I was never at the bottom - maybe I would have thought differently if I had been).

Now our DC are in 2ndary school and it feels like a race to the bottom - most of the mums I know tell you how much their children are struggling, rather than if they're top of anything. However I do know of one mum who, when our DC were little, routinely used to try to look at their reading records to see if little "Tarquin" was doing as well as they were ...

InSightMars · 14/01/2019 13:23

I think the ‘lazy parent alert’ would have got a ‘fucking bitch alert’ in response from me but don’t use me a model, I never was very au fait with school gate protocol.

LisaSimpsonsbff · 14/01/2019 13:26

There was a girl at (secondary) school who once got caught writing down other people's marks in the end of year exams. When confronted she admitted that her mum made her do it so she would know how she was doing compared to her friends. At the time we were absolutely disgusted with her and quite horrible about it - looking back now as an adult I just feel so, so sorry for her Sad On plus side Facebook seems to suggest she's a reasonably happy adult - who has moved to the other side of the world from her family!

RomanyRoots · 14/01/2019 13:26

I've known a few like this in my time. Being vague and not having the answers is great.
Better still feigning ignorance and saying a number/letter above your dd grade. "I'm not sure,but was x level a couple of months ago"

She'll hate the vagueness as nothing to compare to her darling.
Have some fun with it Grin

LisaSimpsonsbff · 14/01/2019 13:27

Ahhhh, kimchilala I didn't see your post before mine! Was it the same girl or is this common?! Her initials were KC.

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