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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want this assholes wife/partner to find him?

31 replies

Wotev · 14/01/2019 07:42

I've had a guy message me on POF. Profile pic is a generic photo of a male model. Profile says he's in Kent.
Profile starts with 'I'm not single'.
Asked him where he lives and for a photo.

So, if any of you have a LTB husband/partner who lives in South London (I told him I wasn't near Kent and he told me he's in S London), is 5'11" has a moustache and short beard and is bald and you're suspecting him of cheating....... yup he is.

OP posts:
Original poster
Wotev · 14/01/2019 07:43

Oh and he's in his forties I'd say

OP posts:
Itwillgeteasieripromise · 14/01/2019 08:13

Google image search the profile picture, be aware the image might being used without the owners knowledge .......

Original poster
Wotev · 14/01/2019 08:20

As I said, the model profile picture is not him. He has sent me a pic of himself no resemblance to the model

OP posts:
Itwillgeteasieripromise · 14/01/2019 08:23

Doh - it's clearly been a LONG day ! Confused

easyandy101 · 14/01/2019 08:36

How do you know he's cheating?

I've used tinder and that kinda thing and I don't put an identifying pic up, and I state that I'm in a relationship

I'm not cheating

easyandy101 · 14/01/2019 08:37

Reason I don't put an identifying pic up is because other members of my family or not close friends might see it, then we'd have to explain ourselves

ShatnersWig · 14/01/2019 08:42

Women do this too, you know.

SoupDragon · 14/01/2019 08:42

How do you know he's cheating?

I would have thought the opening statement of "i'm not single" was a good indication.

SydneyFrexkle · 14/01/2019 08:46

Who cares? Seriously the amount of people in relationships on there is shocking.

He’s one of many.

ShatnersWig · 14/01/2019 08:46

So OP, he sent you a message and you looked at his profile which clearly indicates "I'm not single". Why did you reply to him?

FamilyOfAliens · 14/01/2019 08:46

He’s probably one of those “polyamorous” ones 🙄

Xiaoxiong · 14/01/2019 08:48

Easyandy why are you on tinder at all if you're in a relationship? Or is the clue in your username...

iseecabbages · 14/01/2019 08:49

Easyandy101 Am I missing something what is the point of being on tinder if you don’t use a picture of yourself and state you are in a relationship?

ShatnersWig · 14/01/2019 08:50

I've also seen women on dating sites state they are married but they're looking for friendship.

On a dating site.

ShatnersWig · 14/01/2019 08:52

@iseecabbages I have to back Andy up on this. When I was on Tinder (as a genuine single man), there were lots of women's profiles without photos, or photos that clearly weren't them, or were just memes, or they'd applied so many filters you couldn't tell what the natural them looked like.

Hoopaloop · 14/01/2019 08:55

Classic easyandy 🙄

iseecabbages · 14/01/2019 09:05

shatners nope I’m still not getting it. Surely if you are on tinder as genuine single person you state that fact and put a decent picture of yourself out there for the ladies/ gentlemen to see?
I understand there are people that will put up pics of their younger selves and abuse the filters etc.. but I would just scroll on by someone with Easyandys profile. How on earth would anyone ever meet someone on a dating app, if you’re all trying to outmanoeuvre each other like that.
I’ve never used tinder btw.

easyandy101 · 14/01/2019 09:06

I don't use it anymore cos it's just weird but me and my partner sleep with other people so I gave tinder a go.

I can understand people not being identifying online (as I'm sure most of mn can relate) and it wouldn't always be for nefarious reasons. I didn't want to give anyone the wrong impression so I stated clearly that I was already involved with someone, as I found that dropping it into convo later often made people flip out.

Weirdly though an anonymous, self deprecating and cryptic profile on tinder still gets you a shit load of matches and dates

ShatnersWig · 14/01/2019 09:14

@isee I'm not saying I get it, I'm just backing up the fact that it's not just men who do these things, whether single or not. I would absolutely scroll by anyone that didn't have a couple of accurate face shots.

ravenmum · 14/01/2019 09:27

@easyandy101 Surely if you're looking for a threesome or have an open relationship it would be much easier to just say so, rather than hinting vaguely?

OP, please don't do this. Personally I'm pleased if men state that they are looking for an affair, so I can avoid them. I don't want them trying to hide it as they're afraid of being exposed.

Chocolatecoffeeaddict · 14/01/2019 09:28

There's loads of people on the dating sites doing this. Just don't converse with him any further and move on.

prh47bridge · 14/01/2019 09:30

I would have thought the opening statement of "i'm not single" was a good indication

As easyandy101 points out, that doesn't necessarily mean they are cheating. They may be in an open relationship.

easyandy101 · 14/01/2019 09:37

@ravenmum yeah probably, but open relationships ring alarm bells with many people and loads of people also assumed I was lying about having an OR

So the people who responded to me knew I was in a relationship when they started talking to me and if they wished to know anything else about that then they could ask.

Most don't

ravenmum · 14/01/2019 09:42

I did meet up with one man who said he was in an open relationship - he wasn't my type as it turned out, but admittedly I did wonder if he really was. Hm, maybe you are right @easyandy101 as that way you do come across as honest!

RickOShay · 14/01/2019 10:29

I think you are out of order Xia.
A woman’s body is her own.

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