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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About my job and boss?

49 replies

TakingthePee · 13/01/2019 21:12

I work p/t as a housekeeper and they NEVER say thank you. Ever. I run their life and am fantastic at my job, even if I do say so myself! I do ALL the housework, laundry, ironing and shopping. Huge house and it's bloody hard work. I do errands. They trust me implicitly and I have their bank cards to pay for stuff. I occasionally look after their children, who love me and I also take care of all their animals. They struggled to find anyone they liked before me and went through a succession of people. They literally never acknowledge anything I do for them though. I see them about once a week and speak about once a week. They seem to like me and never treat me like 'staff'. I most certainly don't want constant praise but a little recognition wouldn't go amiss. I'm almost at the point of leaving to be honest, as I feel totally unappreciated. Or am I pathetically needy and need to get a grip?

OP posts:
GeePipe · 13/01/2019 21:17

Well i certainly wouldnt leave it sounds great. They trust you with their house payment cards and children thats praise in itself. Are you happy at work despite not being verbally praised?

TedAndLola · 13/01/2019 21:19

Treating you well and paying you isn't appreciation enough?

Yes, leave. Sounds like a great gig for someone with realistic expectations.

Singlenotsingle · 13/01/2019 21:19

It's a job! They like you; you don't seem to have any complaints about the way you're treated - presumably you're being paid and get your holidays ok. You arent being bullied or moaned at. I'm sure they do appreciate you but you say yourself you probably only see them on e a week anyway. Did they give you a little something at Christmas? 😉

NoLeslie · 13/01/2019 21:24

Ask them for a meeting, run through how everything is going from your end, then ask them if they are happy with your work because they never say well done or thank you?

Original poster
TakingthePee · 13/01/2019 21:24

Yes they did - a wodge of money.

OP posts:
Original poster
TakingthePee · 13/01/2019 21:26

I've worked for them for a couple of years. A random meeting would be weird. I have asked and they've said all is fab but seriously, how hard is it to say thanks. Clearly it's me being needy though! I'll go get a grip 😁

OP posts:
Original poster
TakingthePee · 13/01/2019 21:28

Is that your standard Single - not being bullied or moaned at? That's a very low bar. That's like saying in your relationship, well, he doesn't cheat or beat me.

OP posts:
Santaclarita · 13/01/2019 21:35

I'd just accept that's a job. I once helped out a previous manager who had managed to have all of his team off sick when a big report was due. This previous manager was a jerk to me anyway but I still helped. Did a good job, got promised praise from him by his boss. He started off in his 'praise' by basically saying I was reluctant to help but did it anyway. Not what happened at all and I will be refusing in future. His problem that he can't manage his team. There are worse managers/bosses like him than what you have. Yeah they never say thank you but they pay you to do a job.

IWouldPreferNotTo · 13/01/2019 21:38

Despite the people saying being paid and trusted is enough I'm inclined to disagree.

I took that approach as a manager for a few years and when chatting to a peer in another firm I commented that I didn't think I was getting the best out of my team. They suggested being a bit more praising and making a point of not just telling someone they did a good job but why I thought they'd done a good job.

I was a bit suspicious at first as I don't need much praise but it had such a huge positive affect that I'm a convert.

I've come to see it as people need to have more than their basic needs met from work, and validation and encouragement are a vital part of creating an effective working environment.

So I definitely don't think you're being unreasonable but I also think there is a chance you might not get want you want out of this employer.

One thing you can do as an employee is look at helping them be a bit more structured around appraisals. ACAS do an excellent template on employee self appraisal which you can modify to show what you think is working and what isn't. From this you could suggest a quarterly 30 minute session where you talk a bit about what you're doing, what's working well and what could be changed to improve things for both you and your employer.

GeePipe · 13/01/2019 21:39

Yes op you do seem to have very high standards if this is what you are bitching about. In my 0 hour job i am treated like shit by boss and co workers and get a patronising thanks at the end of the day. I would rather have no verbal thanks and a nice job with respect.

Hillarious · 13/01/2019 22:04

Difficult one. We have a boss who constantly says "we appreciate all the work you do", but they just feel like hollow words.

A bit like Mr Grace's "You're all doing very well".

StickItUpYaJumpa · 13/01/2019 22:12

I think you'll find many, many people would love a job where the worse thing is that the boss does not say thank you.

If you need that formal recognition, that's fine but recognise what you risk if you leave because of that with no guarantee that your next job will be better.

Ask for an appraisal or get them to complete a feedback form.

meladeso · 13/01/2019 22:12

I think that's really interesting.

I understand why people with horrid set ups are saying You're being over sensitive.

But I would feel the same in your shoes.

Mainly because I've had people work for me in my home previously, and I would go out of my way to show my appreciation.

Because it's a nice thing to do.

Because the impact of what they do has a direct and significant impact on your life.

Because it's how one ought to treat anyone who works for them.

Sure you're getting paid to do it.Still it's nice to feel the positive stuff back. Its not like you're checking out someone's shopping, or cleaning their car, or paying in their cheque.

What you're doing is more personal.

Merryoldgoat · 13/01/2019 22:26

It’s a job and you’re paid. I’d probably expect thanks if I’d done something outside of my remit but my normal, contracted tasks? No.

Original poster
TakingthePee · 13/01/2019 22:39

It is more personal, being in someone's home, looking after their children etc. It's quite simply not the same as a corporate job. I do loads of stuff over and above - little touches that make their life easier. I guess I either stay and accept it or vote with my feet.

OP posts:
StickItUpYaJumpa · 13/01/2019 23:07

I'm not sure it is any different to any other job.

Yes, you're in their home but I've had builders working in my home almost daily for 8months. They have door keys etc. They are still just doing a job I'm paying them for. I don't mean that with any disrespect but just because they work in my home doesn't make them any different to the receptionist at work. Similarly, my child carers look after my kids but they are paid to do that. It's their job.

I always try to say thank you because it's the nice thing to do but not everyone does. Some people show thanks with more practical things eg that wedge of cash you got and it wouldn't even cross their mind to say thank you or they'd find if really uncomfortable.

If you need the actual words, then maybe you do need to find another job. If you look though, I'm sure you'll find they've said it in other ways.

RCohle · 13/01/2019 23:23

Can you give an example of how they could show their appreciation more?

If they only see you once a week they don't really have much opportunity to show you their gratitude. Showering you with praise every time you speak to them with would be a bit odd surely.

It feels a bit like they can't do right for doing wrong. If they verbally praised you a lot but didn't give you a Christmas bonus mightn't you be complaining about empty words?

Horsemenoftheaclopalypse · 13/01/2019 23:26

I work in an office environment so it’s different but I had this at my previous job and it was mega hard feeling so unappreciated.
the day I started at my current job I vowed to view this as a transactional relationship.

The way I know I am doing good job is they pay me money which lets me live my (fabulous) life that I actually care about

While I want the words of gratitude given the choice I pick cash every time which is good as a kind word might break my bosses mouth Grin

Basically now I just make them pay - my salary increase and bonus has been v. good every year (double digit %)

halfwitpicker · 13/01/2019 23:28

I work in the corporate world and no-one says thanks. Should they?

BritInUS1 · 13/01/2019 23:35

It's a job. They are paying you, you get a Christmas bonus, what more do you want?

joanmcc · 14/01/2019 00:00

Yes they did - a wodge of money.

I work in the public sector, and my line manager was full of praise at Christmas. I rang the bank though and they wouldn't accept his praise as my January mortgage payment. Want to swap?

Horsemenoftheaclopalypse · 14/01/2019 00:13

Missedthis
Yes they did - a wodge of money.

As per my last post - This is the best thanks you can get!!!

Eliza9917 · 14/01/2019 00:19

Or am I pathetically needy and need to get a grip

Yep.

BackforGood · 14/01/2019 00:27

What Joanmcc said.

Yes, it would be nice to work for someone who was a bit more friendly / pleasant / made a point of mentioning something you've done, but there is a possibility that they prefer to 'keep a distance' and not be friendly / personal because you are already in their home, and involved with their dc. The more friendly they get, the more difficult it them becomes should you ever need to "manage" an employee. They may have been burnt in the past.

Singlenotsingle · 14/01/2019 05:22

Taking the Pee no, but it's something to take into account. So many people ARE bullied and moaned at!

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