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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

About my job and boss?

49 replies

TakingthePee · 13/01/2019 21:12

I work p/t as a housekeeper and they NEVER say thank you. Ever. I run their life and am fantastic at my job, even if I do say so myself! I do ALL the housework, laundry, ironing and shopping. Huge house and it's bloody hard work. I do errands. They trust me implicitly and I have their bank cards to pay for stuff. I occasionally look after their children, who love me and I also take care of all their animals. They struggled to find anyone they liked before me and went through a succession of people. They literally never acknowledge anything I do for them though. I see them about once a week and speak about once a week. They seem to like me and never treat me like 'staff'. I most certainly don't want constant praise but a little recognition wouldn't go amiss. I'm almost at the point of leaving to be honest, as I feel totally unappreciated. Or am I pathetically needy and need to get a grip?

OP posts:

ScrumptiousBears · 14/01/2019 05:43

Somebody at my place of work once said "I don't need to be thanked, they pay me"

I think it's nice to say thank you. I thank my DP when he mentions he's done one of the household chores. He doesn't need thanking but it's polite.

I wouldn't leave my job over it though as long as I was happy there.

Polkapjs · 14/01/2019 05:56

It’s nice to be nice but ultimately only you can decide if you’re happy to stay without appreciation. I’d be the same for what it’s worth.

Boysandbuses · 14/01/2019 06:13

So they showed you appreciation by giving you a dodge of money at Christmas?

Also you sat that they treat you like staff. You are staff. So I don't get that sentence

KingIrving · 14/01/2019 06:13

I find the constant praising quite odd. I now live in Australia and before that we lived/attended school in Switzerland, Italy and Spain and here you receive praise all the time. You here parents praising kids for eating, walking, talking, crossing, putting shoes on or off, ..teacher praising for basic work or even horrid works and stamps and stickers that have lost their value or significance because they are given like candy.

I grew up in the French system, and praise it not the norm for standard stuff. If you eat without throwing food everywhere you will not be praised because it is expected. But you will certainly be told off and removed from the table if you do.

I agree with OP if it nice to feel appreciated but she is. The kids love her, her boss like her. Feel proud and get your pleasure from a job well done, the check at the end of the month. Don't rely on their approval. You already have it otherwise they would have told you they were issues.

Relax, everything is good. They might have been raised in the French system like me!!

BillywilliamV · 14/01/2019 06:18

Meh, I do all that stuff for my family and they dont thank me, maybe they think of you as one of the family?

CollyWombles · 14/01/2019 06:24

I don't think you are pathetic OP. I am a manager and its amazing how happy it makes staff to tell them they are doing well and ask them for their opinions regarding the job. I bet everyone that has posted on this thread say thank you to the delivery person that brings their food to their door, even though that's just their job! A thanks now and again is not too much to ask for.

Heatherjayne1972 · 14/01/2019 06:25

Are there jobs where the boss says Thankyou ?
Never had one of those

Wotev · 14/01/2019 06:39

I find feedback very motivating.

That said.......
The only person I've ever been in a position to 'employ' was dd's childminder. Handover was a very rushed job, usually requiring me to battle dd into her car seat as she wanted to stay and didn't want to come home!
I don't think I ever 'praised' the woman.
But that I trusted her implicitly with the most precious thing in the world to me on a daily basis, probably was praise enough.
It's possible she never knew how much I appreciated her. I just never felt in a superior position where what I had to say would mean anything to her. She was eminently practical and capable and I was more airy fairy to be honest.

Rhubarbisevil · 14/01/2019 06:45

The thing is, the Royal Family never say thank you unless it’s for a card and obscure knitted item from an unknown member of the public.

Boysandbuses · 14/01/2019 06:55

I do think that while thanks goes a long way. People forget what a job is.

Person A agrees to do certain things person b pays them.

Person A isn't doing person B a favour or vice versa.

And honestly a decent amount of money at Christmas is a thank you. They aren't obliged to pay you extra.

linkinperk · 14/01/2019 06:57

You say they don't treat you like staff. Saying thank you every five minutes would be like treating you as staff. You can't have it all.

lboogy · 14/01/2019 07:07

I would have thought thank you would be a normal thing to say to anyone who does anything for you.

Yanbu to expect them to say thanks on occasions

Having said that it could be a cultural thing. I find some cultures have an us and them attitude to staff

MiniCooperLover · 14/01/2019 07:16

But you've said you only see them once a week. What do you want them to do, gush each time once a week? You're clearly appreciated. They gave you a decent sized sounding Christmas bonus, you're trusted with their kids, money and house. But yes leave that and get a job with someone who tells you all the time you're great but prob treats you badly. But the thanks will he worth it I'm sure 🙄

Quartz2208 · 14/01/2019 07:18

You are doing your job and you only see them once a week

Original poster

TakingthePee · 14/01/2019 07:23

I didn't say they treat me like staff - I said they don't treat me like staff. I most certainly do not want constant praise - that'd just be weird but I really do think it's just good manners to say thank you every once in a while for a job well done. I massively go out of my way and save their arses a lot, such as stepping in at the last second with childcare or picking up shopping that I know they've forgotten (they are busy and chaotic). It's not a cultural thing - they are white English, born and raised.

OP posts:

sollyfromsurrey · 14/01/2019 07:29

How is this a PT job? How do you do all the house work in a big house, all the laundry, run errands and baby sit in a PT capacity? Are they taking you for a ride?

Quartz2208 · 14/01/2019 07:34

Yes stepping in they should say thank you for I think that is where it’s different
Normal day to day tasks no
Anything extra yes

But with the buying do they ask you

Original poster

TakingthePee · 14/01/2019 07:45

It is p/t but sometimes spills over into more hours, which they obviously pay me for.

They started off asking me to occasionally pick things up for them, which gradually morphed into me just doing it.

There's loads more I could say but I was trying to stick to the salient points. For instance, there are a couple of things that need doing where cash is needed and I end up paying myself and claiming it back because they never remember to leave money, despite numerous reminders and then I have to chase them down for the money back. They seem oblivious to the fact that this is a problem. I've stopped doing a couple of things due to this. Periodically, they'll say, can you arrange X and I REALLY want to say, only if you ensure the cash is there upfront cos I don't want to have to pester you for it. They are rich beyond all measure too.

OP posts:

StarJumpsandaHalf · 14/01/2019 07:56

Ask them for a household float and leave a book of receipts for expenditure then you won’t be out of pocket.

CherryPavlova · 14/01/2019 08:05

I’m with you. Of course they should ask how you are, whether there’s any problems and say thank you.
It feels like they are so self absorbed they don’t recognise what support you are providing. You are an integral part of their family and need nurturing if they want to keep you.
We are in contact with our old housekeepers/nannies/mothers help still even though the children are grown up and were not in the area. I can’t imagine not sending a birthday card and flowers or Christmas card. They literally held our life together sometimes.

Biancadelriosback · 14/01/2019 08:21

Do you enjoy the job? If you take them out of the equation?

Original poster

TakingthePee · 14/01/2019 08:26

Yeah, I enjoy the job. Not in a 'stay if I won the lottery' way but it suits me just fine for now.

OP posts:

Finfintytint · 14/01/2019 08:37

OP, I do a similar job to you and would feel a little peeved if I wasn't appreciated. I do the extras too and am always thanked (even if I don't see them as they leave little notes in th diary, bake me a cake,etc).

leeloo1 · 14/01/2019 08:37

I think the lack of cash float gives you a perfect reason to ask for a meeting with them & you can get them to agree to this and while doing it ask if they're happy with your work (although you have to be prepared for them to say no).

I do think praise is important, although being paid /good working conditions are possibly more important.

I'm a childminder and it amazes me how many people never ever say thank you for looking after their child. Occasionally I get a christmas card that says thank you/we're lucky to have you etc and it really means an awful lot. When I don't get thanks I try to remind myself that they thank me by paying me, but it's a hard job and a small show of appreciation goes a long way.

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