Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To give up work?

47 replies

SweetN0thing · 13/01/2019 20:32

I’ve been working part time for the past decade and have always been the main carer for our 3 kids. My dh has just landed a very well paid job. I really dislike my job and only have stayed there bc the hours suit, and in the past we needed the money.
He doesn’t like the idea of me not working, he thinks it’s lazy of me. Whereas for me the idea of leaving work to be a sahm and have some extra time to find something I’d really like to do sounds really good. Aibu to be upset that he wants me to stay in my job even though we could comfortably live on his wages alone? (I don’t spend loads of money on myself at all)

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 13/01/2019 20:35

And what if your h hated his job and would like to give it up?

Look for another job while you are in work.

LEMtheoriginal · 13/01/2019 20:35

Could you look for another job? Yanbu for not wanting to stay in a job you hate.

Thing is, you'll be called lazy and pathetic on here if you dare not to work.

Sofabitch · 13/01/2019 20:38

Ywnbu to take some time to retrain and upskill.

But quitting work leaves you very vunerable.

If you can afford to take some time out of work make it pay

MrsApplepants · 13/01/2019 20:38

Now that the pressure is off, get a different job, take the time to find something that will suit that you will like. But don’t just give up work, no.

Houseonahill · 13/01/2019 20:39

Tough one really, I see both sides. You hate your job and don't need it but equally I'm sure your husband would love to stay at home and do things he likes to do, it's also a lot of pressure on him, what if gets made redundant or can't work for whatever reason? I think YABU to not work because it will build resentment and I can see why but YANBU to not want to stay in a job you hate. Can you get a different job or retrain?

cricketballs3 · 13/01/2019 20:39

Why should you be able to 'do what you want' but expect your DH to pay for it?

NataliaOsipova · 13/01/2019 20:41

The problem here is your DH’s attitude to it - because he’d be the one financing it. Not at all unreasonable to do if it’s a joint decision and you’re on the same page.

greendale17 · 13/01/2019 20:41

Why should you be able to 'do what you want' but expect your DH to pay for it?

^I agree. YABU

ScrumptiousBears · 13/01/2019 20:46

Stick with your job and look for something better. Once your unemployed it's harder to get a job and the motivation to do so dwindles.

Disquieted1 · 13/01/2019 20:47

Did he apply for this well paid job, with the inevitable pressure and long hours, so that you wouldn't have to work? If so, that's amazingly generous of him.
I wish someone would do the same for me!

AnotherNewName1 · 13/01/2019 20:48

Your partner is against it and it's a joint decision so YABU.

Look for a new job.

ilovesooty · 13/01/2019 20:49

Look for another opportunity while doing your current job.

snoutandab0ut · 13/01/2019 20:49

How would you feel if it was you who’d just been offered the FT well paid role and your DH announced he wanted to give up work?

WorraLiberty · 13/01/2019 20:49

and have some extra time to find something I’d really like to do sounds really good.

That's normally called retirement.

Right now, I'd spend time looking for a job you really want to do while the financial pressure is off.

Thisonewilldo · 13/01/2019 20:52

I wouldn't want to pay for my DH just because I was well paid and he didn't want to work. I don't think he would either.

Some people don't mind and if so then crack on but your OH does mind so you shouldn't do it.

Puggles123 · 13/01/2019 20:54

Try and find a new job if you don’t like it, but I would probably resent my OH for just giving up work.

BitchQueen90 · 13/01/2019 20:58

YABU if he's not happy with the idea. Just because you can afford to live on his wages doesn't mean that he has to be happy with you staying at home. It has to be a joint decision.

It is shit when you hate your job but you can stay in your current job and still look for something else that you'd really like to do.

earlybirdhasanap · 13/01/2019 20:59

Even if your husband was positive about the idea I'd wait until after he'd got through his probation period before leaving your job.
As he doesn't think it's a good idea I think it's a joint decision and his opinions are important. You don't want him to end up feeling resentful. Look for something you enjoy doing.

Toughtips · 13/01/2019 21:05

Yabu. If your DH was on board then yanbu

I know my DH would be happy for me to do this. I did it for 8 years but it wasn't much fun

LEMtheoriginal · 13/01/2019 21:51

I love the way people devalue the role of the SAHM on this site. There is another vile thread running just now where someone with 4 children (one still breast feeding) and mental health issues is being called all sorts for not being able to work.

The OP isnt suggesting she takes up a life of leisure she is wanting to look after her children.

Fuck me

joanmcc · 13/01/2019 21:53

I'll pass thanks, Lem

AnneLovesGilbert · 13/01/2019 21:54

Fine to get a different job if you don’t like the one you have.

Not fine to quit without your DH explicit agreement, which you don’t have.

AnneLovesGilbert · 13/01/2019 21:55

A SAHP is great when the earning parent is happy to fund it. Not if they’re not.

ilovesooty · 13/01/2019 22:02

LEM the OP has explicitly said her husband isn't happy with the idea. That to me makes a lot of difference.

rainbowbash · 13/01/2019 22:04

how do you split housework, school runs, time off when the children are on school hols or ill?

How old are the DC?

Swipe left for the next trending thread