To give up with the battle of screen time.

[whatsupapp]

All I hear about is that you should get your kids off screens and doing other things like colouring or legos.
I think the skills of basic lego (Not Kits) and colouring have been mastered by age 5 and are no longer giving the child any benefit. Sure if they enjoy it, that's not the issue. It's trying to make my kids do other things than play games. They have no interest whatsoever, none!!
I am at my wits end, buying magazines, colouring books, legos and trying to get them to engage. Mostly my DD 6 will make me do the lego,colouring in, only to tell me she doesn't like it. I despair.
My DD has a dollshouse and dolls, which is left to gather dust.All sorts art materials and books. Will not look at books - says she hates reading. Tried a comic - the words are too small.
DD likes watching you tube, playing a few games on computer, but mostly just you tube.
DS watches Fortnite, plays Fornite, talks about Fortnite. (Awaiting ASD tests)
I bought a load of tasty snacks and tried to get them to sit and watch a movie altogether but it always ends up with them losing interest.
I must say that they do love activities,biking,skating,scootering,swimming etc. We spent 4 days at centre parcs with NO screentime. But they were on the go all the time.
MY AIBU is do I give up trying to get them interested in legos etc and just let them have games, you tube.(This is all off hour before bed) When then DS will read and DD wll colour. (But only then, they refuse point blank in day)

As a person that grew up bored ( middle of no where farm, no kids, shops etc) it’s misery actually. It’s fine to say go outside and play but it soon gets old without company. I did you to read a lot but you are still sat for hours inactive.

Also it’s fairly trite to say play in the garden, go for a walk or go for a bike ride if parents don’t have a garden, there’s no where new/ nice to walk or room to store a bike.

I bought DS up fairly strictly. As a teen I let him have do what he wants.
Which is be on his computer most of free time.He is doing well at school, enjoys after school/ weekend activities and doesn’t eat junk food whilst on it.
He built the PC himself and he can touch type because of it. I remember typing being a school subject back in the 80’s so I think it’s just different times in lots of ways.

We have only just bought an xbox at xmas there and ds 7 so far hasn't been to bad with it. He plays for a while but comes off to do other things. If not we take him off it. He has a moan but soon finds other things to do such as out on his bike, trampoline, drawing, lego, boardgames etc

He has a tablet but again seems to manage to self regulate his time on it. As long as the devices aren't getting in the way of him doing normal stuff such as clubs, playing, homework and decent sleep then I don't see it as being to much of a problem. If need be I wouldn't hesitate to take it away

I've had quite a few friends say similar things about children having 'done' playing by 6 or 7, but I feel that is awfully early for 'childhood playing' to be over.

We do lots of board games, come up with 'challenges' for each other, go to a museum, go to the library, read and book and then find a project based on the book, playing, make forts, just leaving DS to be 'silly' for a while, helping make dinner, watch a film together...

This was the MN thread: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/behaviour_development/3469065-MNHQ-here-new-screen-time-recommendations-from-Royal-College-of-Paediatrics-tell-us-what-you-think-please

TBH it sounds like you're managing screen time so it doesn't interfere with sleep, so that's one good thing.

If you feel that it's stopping your kids developing good reading skills, then you might want to think about agreeing other restrictions, to balance things out a bit.

My own feelings: I work in IT and started using "social media" as it was then as a teenager almost 30 years ago! I know it's addictive. I also know it can be great fun. The difference now is that we as an industry know enough about how to make apps more addictive, but as technologists, our understanding of and thinking about the ethical side of that is....pretty fucking poor to be honest. Some people doing good work, most people utterly oblivious, very little training etc.

Most of the apps your kids are using, nobody will have spent even five minutes to think through the impact of the techniques they're using to increase engagement, give another little dopamine hit so the user sticks with it another few minutes etc. That doesn't mean all apps are evil. It means that the industry isn't taking responsibility so as parents, it's all on us.

Thewifipasswordis - is that personal attack on the OP really necessary?

I find this super sad but I don't say that in a judgy way, just that this seems to be common.

I feel like the magic of books and fine motor skills of doing non screen based activities should be pushed because to become an adult not knowing how to have fun without a game / screen would be to have missed out quite a bit I'd say.

This is why I love mumsnet! My daughter would be on her laptop constantly if I let her. I make her come off for a break, read or help me to tidy the flat etc, then she goes back on again! I've given up fighting her now and felt guilty before I read this thread!

I found the balance worked best with my DS if he had days with no screen time at all. The rule was that he could boil his eyes on his laptop as much as he liked on Friday afternoons/evenings and on Saturdays, and to a certain extent during the holidays, but no screen time Sunday night to Thursday night at all during term time. It worked really well.

I've got a 5 & 8 yo.
"Tech time" is for the evening so they have done other more active/ playing before hand. We do a lot of structured/ sporting activities so on several weekdays there simply isn't time.

My concern with screen time is quality. DS1 tends to watch Lego/ Minecraft videos that do inspire play so that is quite positive. DS2 is more susceptible to random cartoony stuff. The other concern is if they are having lengthy amounts of screen time, what is it they are missing out on? Gross/ fine motor skills, fitness, social skills etc. Long term, control will fade, but I want healthy play/ tech habits before the more awkward teenage years.

Mine can be a bit whingy about waiting for tech time, but warning them that whinging about it will result in reductions of it seems to work. Poor behaviour resulting in 10 minutes off the start of their hour seems to be motivating to be cooperative too. I also find for undesirable activitites like tidying, being given a window of tidying + tech, the quicker they tidy, the more allowence for tech left, or "buying" more tech time with tidying.

Granddaughter age 12 broke her phone and had a few months till she got another for Christmas , she told us she didn’t miss it after a few days as it took the pressure off her trying to keep up on social media. Her friends kept her up to date by talking- that very underrated form of communication.

We homeschool (unschool really) and don't really limit screentime unless it interferes with common courtesy or the day's plans.

The generalising of screens bothers me. Not all content and apps are equal, and how our kids use them can vary wildly.

Youtube is a perfect example... there is some absolute tripe out there and stumbling across it is a great chance to introduce critical thinking. Equally there is a wealth of knowledge and thanks to Youtube my kiddo has developed a passion for freerunning and can now, weirdly, be found outside in all weathers practicing his moves with a few indoor breaks to check another video tutorial.

He's also started making his own videos which is fun and leads to learning about editing, lighting, audio, and the best way to be safely online.

We have no way of knowing what these interests will lead to in 20 years and I think it's unfair to limit 'screens' just because we didn't always grow up with them ourselves. Who would have predicted 10 years ago that kids can make a fortune from their videos showing them flipping half-full water bottles?

Take the tablets off them and tell them they're not having them. It's that simple.
I did this, mine tried telling me that they were bored when I took their devices off them, so I set them about doing household chores. Strangely they suddenly remembered other interesting things to do instead.

Thanks for all you replies, some very varied responses.
I did ban screens this afternoon, and they spent it trashing the lounge (Making dens out of cushions etc) Sounds great, except they spent most of it launching themselves of the sofa arms and acting like acrobats.
It's like if they aren't on screens they are lunatics. I guess people with kids who like drawing etc don't know the hell of active kids. They'd be like this all day if it wasn't for screens!
Both of them learnt to ride a bike and swim in a day, I'm not boasting they did!! They need to sign up for the zoo! Who knows what other tricks they can perform....
One worn out mum

Ok I've obviously given birth to monkey's. Anyone who can direct me to Mumsnet Monkeys it would be gratefully appreciated.

No, you haven't raised acrobatic monkeys, but you need to be firm.
If mine had trashed the lounge and played on the furniture, there would have been serious consequences for them.

That’s normal for kids. They’re supposed to be active, to be up and doing, not sitting on their arse all day, I’m afraid.

This isn’t really a screen time problem, it’s a realisation that if we don’t want to let our kids out to play without adult supervision (and your age of kids would have been out with their peers until quite recently), and we aren’t happy for them to be sat on screens all day (the health implications alone are horrendous), then yes, we need to do stuff with them....

Makes for happier childhood memories!

OP a lot of kids copy their parents. What do they see you (and any other close adults) doing for fun?
I do remember being allowed to 'play out' at the age my older child is now, and it just isn't going to happen for a few years here. Partly because none of the local kids seem to be allowed out til age 10.

It’s quite simple really. You don’t offer a 6 year old the choice of a cake or a sandwich for lunch, because you know which they will choose. It’s the same with screens.

Park is the answer. We spend so much time there at the weekend. They can run around letting off steam, not making a mess of the house, getting fresh air and exercise. Plus it's free!

We don't have screens - we have a tv but they don't go on anything else (5 and 7). My friend got kindles or something for her kids last Xmas and said it was so terrifying to see the rage they got into when they had to turn them off. So unhealthy! If they have siblings they automatically have someone to play with. No excuse to be bored.

I agree about giving up the Lego.

Sounds like getting out of the house and sports are the way to go.

Notcontent

What if the child won't eat the sandwhich, EVER. If you just give the sandwich and they won't eat it.
How long do you hold out before you give the cake? days, weeks months?

What are you doing while they watch tv / screens?

FayFortune

Yes this. Me and my husband are quiet introverts. Ours kids aren't. They love being out, and are great socializing.

So we will make sure we get them out from now on , as much as possible, it is the only solution.
Then collapse in a heap when they are teens and finally take themselves out!
Thanks all XX