Has anyone ever got pregnant at 'not the right time'?

[erja]

Posting here for traffic (and because I couldn't think what other topic to post in to get answers!)
AIBU to ask...

Has anyone ever TTC or had an unplanned pregnancy where the timing 'wasn't right' I.e financially, job wise, living situation and have everything work out for you and your family?

Alternatively, has anyone gone through with a pregnancy when the timing 'wasn't right' and massively struggled?

Hope someone doesn't mind sharing some light on this for me! Not sure if it's a bit personal.

I got pregnant with DS1 before I was married (I know that doesn't bother a lot of people but it did bother me). Now-DH and I had only been together for a year and I honestly wasn't 100% sure about whether we would stay togeteher, and I'd just started medical school so despite already having a degree I had no job and no money. It was a coil failure and I was pretty horrified tbh.

But once I got my head round it the baby was very much wanted, I made a decision to stick with DH (which was also an excellent decision, because he's wonderful), and now DS1 is four and absolutely fantastic. And I've finally nearly finished the degree that I should have finished two years ago . We have DS2 as well (who was planned and conceived at a good time, but ended up being born at a pretty bad time as it coincided with DH's mental health falling apart, but such is life) and I honestly wouldn't change anything.

IME it wasn't so much the timing as the wrong partner. I honestly think you can work everything out if you are doing it with the right person. OK so I was too young in hindsight, but certainly things like finances, housing, these have never been an issue even though not "ideal".

You will be accepting a more stressful life and making sacrifices. It's your decision if you can live with that or not, I do wish I had tried harder with studying/career, but the baby wasn't really in the way of that, it would have just been easier without him.

TTC can take a while. I'd always suggest people start not at the "ideal time" but more at the "it wouldn't be a total disaster..." time, just in case.

Yes, fourteen years ago when I was in my second year at university and my "boyfriend" was a twat.
It was the best thing that ever happened to me. The "boyfriend" never spoke to me again (hurrah), I finished my degree after taking a year out, met my husband a year later.
There's never a "right" time.

I got pregnant as a result of a ons. Everyone assumed I would terminate, and a lot of people advised me to. I had to stop taking antidepressants suddenly when I found out (not sure if that is still advised) and was in a shit place. Lined some tablets up to end it all, seriously wanted to die, but couldn't do it because of the baby inside me that I didn't want.

Baby is now 19 and the most wonderful and brilliant accident that I ever had.

Yes, me. Four months after becoming serious my DH. He was in a very bad place mentally and we'd just moved into our house to try and build some stability for him. In hindsight I never wanted to terminate, but I knew it was the right decision for us as a couple and as a family (DH had a son, and was struggling to maintain civility with his ex). Long story, I terminated and it was an awful time but we got through it and later had our wonderful DS. I'd have never expected something like that to happen, and I did harbour some guilt for a long time as I felt it we could have made it through it, but as it stands I had awful PND anyway and that, added with my DHs mental health would have been the end of us.

Both times. First (ds) we were teenagers just left 6th form but we were determined to make it work and got a place when he was little.
However my boyfriend died in an rta when I was 23 and I had a rebound relationship a year or so later and got pregnant with dd.
Really considered a termination at the time as the relationship was a mistake and I was a mature student.
I couldn't bring myself to do it and now dd is 24 and absolutely lovely.
I have struggled as a lone parent sometimes financially but I would never wish my dc away.

@recklessruby oh, I'm so sorry about your loss! but so glad about how things turned out for you.

*@erja*Thank you. Go with your gut instinct. Life has a way of working things out.

me and my husband were ttc for a year. we were told we would need IVF and instead of getting through it together we became distant and in the end agreed to separate. house was all packed up and was 2 days away from handing the keys in (we rent) and then i found out we had miraculously conceived naturally. we decided to stay together but ultimately the damage has been done. husband had an affair for the whole of the 9 months i was pregnant (and before which is why he wanted to split) which i found out about 5 weeks before i gave birth. we are currently stuck wondering what to do for the best for the sake of our 8 week old baby. i wouldnt change having my son for the world but it’s a difficult situation trying to sort out the mess of him arriving when he did

Yes with DS3 it was the worst possible timing. We had just returned form five years abroad with 2 toddlers and had lost everything on a house bought abroad as house prices had fallen . We had not long returned to the UK and fortunately had both managed to get jobs fairly easily and my parents were kindly putting us up in their house and looking after our 2 dc while we worked. then I unexpectedly got pregnant. I was dreading telling my parents. It did all work out ok, we managed to get a house and get properly settled before the baby arrived but was a very stressful few years.

I got pregnant with my daughter at the worst possible time!

• I had only been with my partner for 4 months
• I was supposed to start a masters 3 months before her due date
• We had no money
• I had only recently gotten my mental health back on track after having a breakdown a couple of years prior and suffering major depression and PTSD

Having her was probably an objectively terrible idea, but she’s the best thing that ever happened to me and it’s all worked out ok. I delayed my masters by a year and start tomorrow (!), my mental health is fine and I’m being discharged from mental health services and my partner and I are very happy and planning on getting married. We’re still poor but you can’t have everything in life!!

@Catmum26 really sorry to hear what you're going through

@riotlady congratulations on how everything worked out for you and best of luck on your masters!!!

Yes. Wanted a 2nd child but not 1 year after the 1st.
Best thing that happened though. They're so close and love them to bits

Completely undecided after hearing a lot of positive stories. DC1 was unplanned and the best thing to ever happen to us and it completely worked itself up.

Yup, just as I started a new job. It all worked out and circumstances meant I would have had to leave my job at end of school year anyway. My DD was my priority but I only realised it when she arrived

I fell pregnant at 18, me and DP had only been together 4 months, I was still at college and living with my parents. I had an abortion though, I have mixed feeling about it. I regretted it after, but after having my DD I realised that there was no way I would have been able to do it at that time. Although I now have 2 DC a DD and a DS and based in those 2 pregnancies, I have a pretty good idea what the sex of the on I aborted would be, which actually makes it worse somehow.

Also my DS wasn't really at the right time. We were in a small flat and didn't have a lot of money, but we didn't want too big an age gap between the 2 of them, so decided to just go for it. It has all worked out in the end.
Also should have added in my last post that I am still with the same man, we have now been together 12 years and married for 2.5.

I had two babies during my degree. I started my second year 8 weeks pregnant and started my third year around 4 weeks pregnant. I graduated with a 14 month old and a 7 week old I think. I don’t regret it at all but I wouldn’t want to do it again if that makes sense!

@VampirateQueen kind of the situation we are in now - small flat and not a lot of money, but emotionally ready for a second and would love a smaller age gap.

Me with my eldest. DH and I had only been together a year and we were living with my mum, we were both only working part time as well and had zero savings. Luckily my mum was very supportive and let us pay less towards rent etc so we could save up and looked after DS so we could do extra hours at work. It was stressful and hard and definitely not the right time but we've never looked back. Moved in to our own place when DS was 2 and got married a few months later.

Both our children were planned and eagerly anticipated. However 6 weeks before our first, my husband was made redundant (thankfully found a better job when Dd1 was 8 weeks old). Then 3 weeks before our 2nd was born, my MIL lost her battle with her brain tumor. So even when you think the timing is right, it doesn’t always work out to be perfect. In fact I don’t believe there is ever a perfect time for anything. It just comes down to how much you want something, whether you can or are willing to wait, the strength of your relationship and your willingness to accept things being a bit different than your ideal.

Message I was trying to get across is that if you really want another now, just go for it. There may never be an easier or better time, who knows. You will find a way to make it work.

Yep, I had 3 children and then an unplanned 4, ex said he would leave me if I kept her and have nothing to do with her (or any of them) I did keep her and tbh its been extremely tough, its nice so many people have kept children and not regretted it but honestly some days I do, I dont know if regret is the right word as I love her ofcourse but its been.. hell tbh.