To want to retire sooner rather than later?

[Winterberriesonatree]

I fully expect to be torn to bits on this thread, so before anyone even starts, no offence taken.

I am nearly 60 and DH is 2 years younger, slightly relevant. We have a long marriage since early 20's and for much of that time I was the main breadwinner. We both always worked, started out as pretty much equals in our twenties. After well earned promotions at work, I earned quite a bit more than DH for very many years.

In spite of this, I did the bulk of the childcare and all the emotional work of bringing up our two children. DH had a hobby which took up a lot of his time, whilst mostly opting out of parental chores.

In the last couple of years I have arthritis, which has made it difficult to continue full-time work. Our children are now almost totally independent financially, for the first time ever. They have had loads of parental support over the years, both re-training for new careers in their twenties, which they could not have done without financial help.

In a nutshell, DH feels that I should continue working full-time, until I get my pension at aged 66. With arthritis, all I really want to do is slow down and work 2 to 3 days a week, until retirement. DCs are almost independent. He is earning a good wage now and I supported him through the years when he was earning much less than me.

Is this reasonable?

I'm pretty sure you would be eligible to apply for PIP - it is meant to cover any expenses that you incur through your illness and is not means tested.

For me, with the rheumatoid flavour of arthritis, that means daft little things like jar openers and hand warmers, support gloves, handrails in the bathroom, pre-chopped veg, dressing aids, dual handled pans etc. All things that make my daily living so much easier.

So do look into claiming, won't you. You've paid your taxes and even if you hadn't, there's absolutely no reason to feel like you shouldn't claim as you have a genuine medical need.

As an NHS employee, perhaps you should consider getting that hip replacement whilst still in FT employment. NHS sick leave is pretty good and you’ve certainly given enough to the system to warrant it.
Don’t fall into the trap of putting of the surgery until your desperate. You’ll recover much faster if you’re mobile before. And if you have a limp then honestly your time is now.
Have your surgery, then reassess. You won’t be able to change your husbands mind. Someone capable of watching their wife work full time and do everything at home while he concentrates on his hobby is not going to be swayed by you being in pain

I would do it but call it a gear change rather than retirement. Going part time, starting a small business from home, etc. It doesn't sound like you're just going to sit at home.

I am planning to go part time in a year (after a year of SAHP) and I'm under 40. For me it's all about quality of life. My DH will work another couple of years full time. Then we will both have a complete change of lifestyle. Sort of retirement but not. Don't want to say too much on here. I have been the higher earner for 4 years and very stressed at work. My mental health suffered. My DH is amazingly supportive - of course plans change. We change. I used to be a person who wanted the career, progression, ladder climbing. I did extra training, summer courses and all sorts. BUT, priorities change. Life isn't always as you planned it. It would be daft for him to suggest otherwise. For example we always thought he would be the SAHP but actually I will be next year and then possible PT after that.

I think your DH is being unfair but I agree that given what else you've said about him it doesn't sound as though he's going to budge. I'm sorry. Perhaps with time and if you can do the maths and show him it will have a limited impact or an impact that is only felt in certain aspects of your life together?

My pension at 60 would not pay for half our current outgoings

Your statement above is why I asked about your mortgage

I think he should suck it up and pay more than half, it's his turn now