to feel so worthless? AIBU to ask what your ex said to you when you split

[airelle]

I was with ex-DP for 3 years. All was going well until he lost his job and hit the bottle. He finished things with me after waking me up at 3am when he came home steaming. He looked me dead in the eye and said "you'd do anything for me but I wouldn't do anything for you". He packed me a bag and told me to get out - I had to sleep in the car until the morning. He then said he didn't want to talk about it.

Then he said something which keeps ringing in my head: "airelle, I would have cheated on you by now if the sex wasn't so good"

my friends can't seem to understand why that's so bad. I suppose it's because it makes me feel like an object who fulfilled a need for him but who he had no respect for.

This was 18 months ago now, AIBU to still feel worthless?

What's the worst thing your ex has said to you and how did you get overit?

My ex took me out for a nice walk on a sunny day. Then proceeded to tell me he had been doing a lot of cocaine recently and it had opened up his mind and made him realise there were better things out there for him than me. Wanker

Only superficial stuff, but it hurt.

Stuff like:
"When are you going to work out? You have to think of me, it's embarrassing being the one with the big fat girlfriend."

"You look so much better in an open plan space, in small rooms you look massive"

Bear in mind I was, by all reports a pretty attractive size 10, and it was widely acknowledged that he was 'punching high'. I got stuck in the relationship because I was too gutless to end it. When I did, the freedom was immense. For years (and still occasionally) I would have nightmares where we had started seeing each other again, and for some reason that meant that I could never leave him again. The relief I felt each time I woke was amazing.

Nothing like some of the comments on here, but he ground me down over a fair while.

He told me that I was a fat, ugly worthless cunt and that he hoped I died of AIDS.

That was after I finally had the courage to report him to the Police and have him arrested for battering the shit out out of me for the fourth time and putting me in hospital again.

He was sent to prison for three years and died of an aggressive form of cancer a year after his release.

Karma is fabulous. Horrible bastard got exactly what he deserved.

"It's your fault because you're blameworthy."

Not an ex but my late father's constant "joke".

My best friend started working behind the bar with my (then) boyfriend. He started giving her lifts to work which was great because she couldnt drive.

She started coming home saying things like "I could really see friends boobs in her too today, I couldn't stop staring" "friend let me throw things down her top today at work"

Then he came home once, and said once he dropped friend off outside her house, she asked him if he wanted to come in, when he said no she offered him a blwojon in the car and asked him to show her his dick"
I didn't believe it and laughed it off and though the might be bending the truth.. but the more I thought about it the more it made sense, when I got with him she said how good looking he was, then started sticking her nose up abit not wanting to hear anything about us.

It all ended, and kicked right off when I was at a party on one side of town and he text me to say he was going to do a shift at work and asked me if I would be in town later drinking, I said no as I was at a venue and would probably stay there. Towards the end of that might people started going to town so I went with a friend, because why not.

Sure enough I walked into the bar in town and my boyfriend was stood in there with his arm around my best friend. I've never been so embarrassed and heartbroken in my life. He just turned around, looked at me, gave me a smug smile and turned back around. I had no idea what was going on, I just walked out and went home crying.

Two of my closest people fucking me over and losing them in one night was not a great feeling.

Onwards and upwards!
You're beautiful and only the right person will come along and make you fully aware of that.
Anyone else is just a starter before the main course!

In 2003 I sent my fiancé a text to see if he wanted to meet after work. He replied "We should break up. I don't want to see you again as it would be too painful" and that was it. We were looking for a house together, planning the wedding, didn't argue, enjoyed each other's company. Completely out of the blue. I'm married with kids and I still wonder why he dumped me.

That he wished I was more like my 21 year old self. And that if I tried to be, he would leave the other woman and stay with me.
This after being together 18 years, and having our 3 children.
Nah, you're alright mate. Shut the door on your way out

That I was crazy.
That all I cared about was the kids and I spoilt them ridiculously.
That going out anywhere with me was boring coz I cared about getting back for the babysitter.
He had an affair but acted like I was crazy when I suspected it. She was 12 years older than me, didn't have kids and was well off.
As a parting shot the kids and I were having dinner when he came in drunk, announced he was leaving and threw the house keys at me. They landed in a plate of tomato pasta! Dickhead.

@notsorighteousthesedays

Do your children want to hang out with him?!!

I’d want to string my father up by the balls if he did that to my mother.

@Chocolate1984

That is awful! How did you cope?

Just the standard 'I think I still have feelings for my ex'. Massive copout.

My ex left me 5 months pregnant with his child and told me "good luck finding someone who will take you and your kid on. Ive moved on"

10 years down the line, I found a wonderful man who loves my dd and we have a ds also.
In your own time you will get over this.
You will find someone who treats you well, loves you for you.
It took me ages to be happy on my own before i met dp but when you get there you never look back.
Good luck

It sticks in your head and you repeat it over and over again but have no control to stop it!! How do you delete these horrible memories?? When do they go away?

6 months ago my husband (10 years) came home from work and said... “You are nothing. There is nothing about you. Your nothing. I don’t love you and realised I haven’t for a long while.”

There are so many phrases I could use. We broke up several times and each time he targeted his words to be most hurtful. He told me afterwards when we'd got back together that he didn't really think that way but said them to cause me the maximum hurt.

I have never forgotten any of them - even knowing that they were said for that reason by someone who knew me so well - doesn't lesson the impact.

My ex husband ( now I know it was emotional and financial abuse, but back in the early 80's didnt know) told me if I left he had enough evidence to have me locked up in a " mental hospital"
I was so terrified of losing my children I endured another 3 years before escaping
Wish mumsnet had been around in those days.

He tried some shite about the world having nothing in it for me. That cemented the plans for me to get the hell away from him.

My XH said I was repulsive and no one would ever fancy me, that he was doing me a favour sleeping with me. I was ugly and too opinionated and laughed too much. He accused me of cheating all the time ( yes even though no one else wanted me ) He was mentally physically and sexually violent. It killed me for such a long time but as I cuddle up with my beautiful 2nd husband who is strong and funny and gentle and kind and who adores me being me I think about that twat who is now bald and bloated from booze and thank my lucky stars. You need to love yourself first OP. I wasn't looking for anyone else but he found me when I was strong enough.

Dear Lord. There are some truly horrendous men out there.

OP my ex also used that phrase ‘it’s only you I’m like this with so it must be your fault’. I did actually end up believing that.

Eight years ago I found out that my ex had been cheating on me for over a year. He told me I was ugly and that no one would want me. That I was stupid.

I have been happily married for over a year to an absolutely beautiful man who cherishes and loves me for who I am. He thinks I am beautiful ( I like how I look) and clever (I have a PhD amongst other qualifications).

Those hateful words affected me deeply and it took a few years and professional help to address them.

I am now living a good life, with an excellent job (high school teacher to students who were refugees) in a new state and have got my two now adult children through a difficult time. They live in a different state but we are still close. My son has recently graduated with a double degree and my daughter is still working on a double degree with a plan on being an environmental scientist. Both successful beautiful people.

Cruel words like that reflect the person saying them.

I am sorry but know there is hope .

Has anyone else found that these abusive bastards, who have told us we're 'worthless, stupid, fat and ugly' etc etc and that 'no one would ever want you' absolutely hate it when we've eventually found a decent person to be with?

It's as if they can't bear to see us happy!