Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this unreasonable ...or not?

27 replies

DeloresJaneUmbridge · 12/01/2019 15:41

I will try not to drip feed here.
DS is 16 ...just.

For his birthday just before Xmas we bought him a new Xbox and DH sold his old one on eBay for £80.

Then for Xmas his auntie gave him two cheques...one for his birthday and one for Xmas. In total this is another £50.

So DH paid them into his account .

We are now eight days on and DH doesn’t want to give DS any of the money yet as “we have bills to pay”.

Now I can understand that we have bills, I have a small amount of money going into my account next week (Carers Allowance) but the council tax is due too so most of the CA will go on that. We don’t get any other benefits as DH has money in a savings account so we wouldn’t be entitled to it. Plus it seems a nightmare to claim benefits with self employment as some months he gets more work.

We also just got a huge water bill in ...DS can’t cope with showers (he is autistic) and we do a lot of washing as he can still bed wet .

I just feel a bit guilty about DS wanting his birthday and Xmas money and DH hanging onto it.

Yes we have big bills to pay but he ponces around doing a bit of public performing which while it can be well paid isn’t often enough. He is self employed and gets work bit not enough. At the moment because DS is struggling I can’t work ...I do a little bit of extra care work but can’t do any more as DS doesn’t sleep well and I have regular very disturbed nights. I am also autistic myself so get overwhelmed very easily ...I care for DS and do extra work to the best of my coping skills.

Ironically as I am sat here feeling guilty DH has been working but he has nothing else now for several days.

So is he unreasonable hanging on to all DS’s Xmas and Birthday money? I can’t ask my Mum as she gets irritated by DH so will say he is...even if he isn’t!

OP posts:
Smoothyloopy · 12/01/2019 15:46

Not your DH money, should go to your DS asap. If he had his own savings account it could have been paid into that.

Aquamarine1029 · 12/01/2019 15:47

Your husband is a twat. And a thief.

IceRebel · 12/01/2019 15:47

You are being very very very unreasonable. It's your son's money and your husband needs to hand it over.

We don’t get any other benefits as DH has money in a savings account so we wouldn’t be entitled to it.

Just how much money does your husband have in savings and why can't this be used to pay the bills?

Queenofthestress · 12/01/2019 15:48

If your DH isnt bringing in enough to pay the bills and your DS's full time carer then DH needs to get a different bloody job.

He should not be holding onto DS's money if ds has something he wants to buy unless its an absolute emergency

Ratbagratty · 12/01/2019 15:49

The £50 is definitely your ds's as it was a gift, the sold Xbox more tricky, was this a gift originally? Was it is understanding the money from its sale would be his? Could you say the money from the sale went towards the new one therefore having a compromise?

Sirzy · 12/01/2019 15:49

Well your dh needs to use his savings to pay your bills.

It’s not your sons responsibility to use his birthday money on bills

username7000 · 12/01/2019 15:52

Tell your husband to hand the money over to your son he is BU Envy

Original poster
DeloresJaneUmbridge · 12/01/2019 15:52

Thank you...it’s what I thought but I can be wrong about things at times .

He’s got about £12k in a savings account but needs to give 30 days notice to access it and will have to pay a penalty.

I am going to tell him he had to access it or do some care work as I do.

OP posts:
username7000 · 12/01/2019 15:57

He's got 12k in savings and he's took £50 off your son Shock the tight cheeky sod .

bagpiss · 12/01/2019 15:57

Personally i think that irrespective of your circumstances that money belongs to your son and it's totally out of order to not give your son his money. Especially HIS GIFT MONEY!

IceRebel · 12/01/2019 15:58

He’s got about £12k in a savings account but needs to give 30 days notice to access it and will have to pay a penalty.

Wow, just wow. Angry

Celebelly · 12/01/2019 15:58

My best friend's dad used to take money out of her and her little brother's piggy banks because he was too lazy and feckless to work enough to pay the bills (or more likely pay for the things he wanted). She still remembers it 20 years later Sad as do I.

Apileofballyhoo · 12/01/2019 16:07

Is your DH mean in other ways too?

CantWaitToRetire · 12/01/2019 16:10

Maybe your DH should move a little of his savings into an instant access savings account for emergencies. He’s out of order keeping hold of your DSs money. Could you open an account in your DS name and pay future gifts into that (with you keeping hold of the card/book)?

agentdaisy · 12/01/2019 16:11

If the xbox that was sold belonged to your ds then the money made from its sale is his unless it was agreed that he would sell it to part fund the new one.

Your dh is essentially stealing £130 from his own child while sitting on 12k in savings and refusing to get a proper job. If money is that tight then dh's savings, or part of them, need to be put in a readily accessible account, and he needs to get a full time job and do his current one on the side.

Missingstreetlife · 12/01/2019 16:20

You can get benefit with savings up to £16k, just reduced level.
Tell him to get off his lazy arse. Why did you buy Xbox if hard up?

Aprilshowerswontbelong · 12/01/2019 16:27

Ask the aunt after giving her the full facts. Let her tell dh he is a thief.
Your dh is prepared to live a stressful life but have his savings? Is he prepping for a new life??

Original poster
DeloresJaneUmbridge · 12/01/2019 16:48

DH is quite secretive about money....until there isn’t any. So he bought the updated XBox...not the newest but the previous model.
Then out of the blue there’s no money.

I need to sit him down and discuss a joint expenses account.

Good point about an account for DS.

He does have an account but my SIL didn’t realise so wrote the cheques to DH.

Generally DH isn’t mean...when he has money he is generous but when he doesn’t have money it all becomes more fraught.

He’s not prepping for a new life...his Mum gave him a lump sum last year and he didn’t know what to do with it so he invested it.

I will tell him he has to access the savings and in the meantime give DS his money.

OP posts:
IceBearRocks · 12/01/2019 19:23

Yep ...don't pay any bills this month !!!

Or Pay the bills and give DS the money back next month !

Queenofthestress · 12/01/2019 21:47

Do you what you need to so the bills are paid this month then next month it needs to change

user1493413286 · 12/01/2019 21:53

It isn’t his money and he has no right to hold on to it to “pay bills”

SophieLouise93 · 12/01/2019 21:59

Omg I would dream of having 12K in a savings account, that would literally wipe away all of my worries, DH is definitely being out of order and selfish, I would set up a savings account for DS, one that you can't withdraw out of and transfer that £50 into his account, and your DH needs to step up and use his savings if need be

RLABC · 12/01/2019 22:00

What would have happened if your son hadn't received the money? The bills would still need go be paid. I'm sorry but your husband is a complete arsehole! That money is for your child, tell your tightwad husband to give it to him and sort his own finances out! Angry

Howdoyoudoit31 · 12/01/2019 22:05

He’s a twat. That’s your sons money.

MrsJane · 12/01/2019 22:11

He's being a selfish thieving twat! Unbelievable!

Swipe left for the next trending thread