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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Misogynistic husband

46 replies

Angry101 · 12/01/2019 13:35

NC for this .
I will be showing him this so please explain to my husband why it's not acceptable to call me 'frigid and boring' and imply that he will look elsewhere for sex . He thinks he's done nothing wrong .

For context I'm breastfeeding a 10 month old and have been 4 children under 10 , been breastfeeding babies non stop for the last 7 years and am totally touched out . I study during the day and he works at night . I'm knackered and at the end of my tether

OP posts:
TenForward82 · 12/01/2019 13:39

Why are you having babies with this selfish twat?

Original poster
Angry101 · 12/01/2019 13:40

Well I obviously can't send them back . But I'm starting to see more and more now what a horrible sexist twat he is

OP posts:
Ultramic · 12/01/2019 13:41

If he's threatening 'looking elsewhere' then he's trying to control you into having sex because of course you'll be sooooo horny for him after that. Hmm

What a cunt. Seriously, if he wants to look elsewhere, let him. And lock the door after he leaves. You deserve better.

JoeLycettsSparklyArmSling · 12/01/2019 13:42

Honestly? I wouldn’t bother sharing this thread with your waste of oxygen husband. Your actions will speak louder than the words of strangers on the internet.

QuentinWinters · 12/01/2019 13:42

That's not misogyny, it's abuse. Flowers
Does he show other abusive behaviours?
www.cheshirewithoutabuse.org.uk/duluth-model

Dimsumlosesum · 12/01/2019 13:42

You're a paedophile??? Because seriously, he sounds like a little 12 year old boy. What an immature twat, who'd want to have sex/go near anyone who treated them/spoke to them like that?! Gross.

4 kids takes MASSIVE work, you don't need this 5th manchild making demands of you too.

Pachyderm1 · 12/01/2019 13:43

It’s not acceptable because:

  1. It’s incredibly rude
  2. You don’t owe him sex
  3. He is not entitled to sex
  4. He isn’t interested in your feelings and needs, only his own
  5. He is making it clear that sex is the only thing in your relationship that really matters.

In all honesty OP, if he’s threatening to look elsewhere it might be best to end things now as you could be so much better off. Decent men don’t behave this way, and you deserve so much better. If he doesn’t love you enough to support you and accept that sex won’t be rhe priority in these early baby years, is he really someone you want to spend the rest of your life with?

sherrysfortea · 12/01/2019 13:43

Ask him if you are within your rights to look elsewhere for sex because you can't stomach being physical with a selfish bully?

Is he one of these men who think sex is a human right/ basic necessity like food or water?

MaggieAndHopey · 12/01/2019 13:43

how have you managed to have five children with this total asshat?

Original poster
Angry101 · 12/01/2019 13:45

He never used to have this attitude . Since I started studying again this year he's been showing it more and more , always complaining that I have work to do and that he has to look after the kids . Half the time he lets them run riot so I can't concentrate and give up and fall behind with my work , then he complains when I spend time trying to catch up .
He's got more and more sexist as we've got older

OP posts:
Chloemol · 12/01/2019 13:47

selfish man, no consideration to you. If he wants to look elsewhere let him, but tell him he’s got to leave and not come back

piefruit · 12/01/2019 20:06

Op , he is awful

ItsQuietTime · 12/01/2019 20:10

"He's got more and more sexist as we've got older"

Run, this isn't a "man" you want to grow old with.

Mookatron · 12/01/2019 20:12

This is for you OP's H. Nothing less sexy than a man who :

Is unable to look after his own kids without whining as if he is one of them.

Is petulant if his wife doesn't fulfil her duty of rubbing herself up and down his cock often enough.

Dustbowl fanny time love.

Jamiefraserskilt · 12/01/2019 20:13

You are already alone. Now make it permanent.
The guy is a dick if he cannot see what you are juggling.

Bambamber · 12/01/2019 20:15

Your husband is an asshole.

Breastfeeding is fucking hard, and feeling touched out is an awful feeling. I recently went through a stage of being touched out, and it literally made my skin crawl everytime anyone touched me. Even the idea of sexual contact would make me feel physically sick.

He is being emotionally abusive. He should have more respect for the mother of his children. He is being a shit role model for his children. Maybe it would be better for everyone if he did just fuck off. Selfish prick

RomanyRoots · 12/01/2019 20:15

It's taken you until now to realise, have you had your eyes shut? Hearing aid turned down?
He's using you as a baby making machine.

Nanny0gg · 12/01/2019 20:16

The root of the problem is you studying, He's trying to stop you.

notdaddycool · 12/01/2019 20:23

The man’s perspective on this, he’s an immature child... if a woman has carried and nursed four of your babies you owe her everything, you marry for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, life is going to be tough at times, grow a pair and pull your weight, empathise with her. If you want sex elsewhere you’re an A grade arsehole. Think how you can make her want you, start by making her life easier, what can you take off her, make her feel great and things will get better.

ShawshanksRedemption · 12/01/2019 20:23

I'd ask your DH what it is that he wants?

If he wants to turn you off, calling you frigid and boring will do the trick.

If he's unhappy with how things are, he needs to be more mature and talk it through with you, about how he's feeling. And to also listen to you and how you are feeling. To see if you can compromise or support each other better. It's worth it to work through the tough times, to become closer to each other.

But yeh, if it's just about his needs with regarding sex, he comes across as very immature. You have enough of that with the kids, don't need it in a husband too!

Gresley · 12/01/2019 20:24

Any bloke who uses the word 'frigid' about women has 19th century ideas about them. He hates the idea that you might be cleverer than him, and that your studying might end up with your leaving. He should be looking after the kids 50% of the time. Surely he can see how exhausted you are?

DwayneDibbly · 12/01/2019 20:38

Agree wholeheartedly with @Nanny0gg. He doesn't want you studying so is complaining about the lack of time you have to spend with him. Probably why he lets the kids run riot, too. Ask him why he has a problem with you returning to education. Maybe he thinks you'll leave him. God knows, I think I would.

Original poster
Angry101 · 12/01/2019 20:57

I'm starting to think you may be right about the studying . I have tried to enrol onto this course a few times over the years but there's always been a reason not to . Then when it was my first week on the course , he changed his work hours the day before my first day so that it became difficult to organise the afternoon school run

OP posts:
AnoukSpirit · 12/01/2019 21:14

More and more abusive over the years. That's standard. He will continue to get worse, and there is nothing you can do to reason with him.

Abuse is not about violence or nasty words, although both of those may feature - it's about power and control. It's also known as coercive control.

I think you would be better off doing this course than showing him a thread he will take no notice of: www.freedomprogramme.co.uk

The groups are free to attend and confidential, or there is an online version for £10. Some of the groups have creche facilities. It's a 12 week course, 2 hours per week, run on a rolling basis. You can just listen and make your own mind up.

AnoukSpirit · 12/01/2019 21:21

How much of the beginning section of this do you recognise from him?

m.youtube.com/watch?v=rJ6UML1c_V0

And do you recognise any of the final section (starting at approx 3 minutes in)?

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