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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Misogynistic husband

46 replies

Angry101 · 12/01/2019 13:35

NC for this .
I will be showing him this so please explain to my husband why it's not acceptable to call me 'frigid and boring' and imply that he will look elsewhere for sex . He thinks he's done nothing wrong .

For context I'm breastfeeding a 10 month old and have been 4 children under 10 , been breastfeeding babies non stop for the last 7 years and am totally touched out . I study during the day and he works at night . I'm knackered and at the end of my tether

OP posts:

MotherOfDragonite · 12/01/2019 21:53

Don't show him this thread, it can be dangerous to make an abuser aware that you know what they are doing is abusive. Just leave.

Agree with others who've said that it sounds as if he is sabotaging your study. I had a friend whose DP did this, it was a method of control in some way he really didn't want her to be independent in any way and also a result of his being jealous of her success.

R3b3kah · 12/01/2019 22:01

Your husband is a tosser and you deserve better

I hope he sees himself for what a twat he is

SophieLouise93 · 12/01/2019 22:02

Honestly?... I'd say to him if your gonna look else where, go ahead and do it then, you'll soon miss me when I'm gone... I would also say pack up your shit and leave him, but I know it's not as easy as that

Banana8080 · 13/01/2019 08:22

He’s very insecure. He either sorts himself out or he doesn’t, but maybe you leave if he doesn’t.

Aaaahfuck · 13/01/2019 08:33

Is he misogynistic in other areas of your life? Often these attitudes are really ingrained and very hard to change.

Wallsbangers · 13/01/2019 08:37

That's not just sexism, it's abuse. Please look for help. As well as the support listed above, could you speak to your HV?

violetbunny · 13/01/2019 08:40

He doesn't want you to study so he is undermining you. It's a form of control. He has no respect for you. Sorry OP, this is not a man I could stay with.

Whatsnewpussyhat · 13/01/2019 08:43

He's trying to blame you for his behaviour.

He doesn't want to take my responsibility for his children.

He sees your studying as a threat and is trying to sabotage it.
The more independent you are the less compliant you are.

Aprilsinparis · 13/01/2019 08:47

Wanker!.....Oh, there we are, show him this, I've just solved his problem

jammiedodger79 · 13/01/2019 08:52

Because you are studying and doing something of your own choice for your personal development the sexism he has always had is coming to the forefront. All very well when u are doing your "womens duties" as thats how he sees you...now the simple fact u are doing something for you he hates it, is jealous and resents having to do any of the childcare.
How you can ever want to go near him sexually again after his vile comments i don't know. He's vile. Leave him.

jammiedodger79 · 13/01/2019 09:00

Eurgh just read about him changing his work hours. I know the exact type. Please leave him, reading all of what you have said has made my blood boil. I put up with this shit for years. Believe me life is so much better without shit like this. And all the explaining how you are feeling, trying to get him to understand/change/ actually care how hard you work...he will never give a flying fuck. Don't bother trying. Just chuck the bastard out.

Original poster

Angry101 · 13/01/2019 14:23

@AnoukSpirit that video has shocked me , yes a fair bit .

He's annoyed at me this morning still because I told him I have nothing to say to him anymore and keeps saying he's done nothing wrong and I'm overreacting .

In the past whenever he's pissed off he's gone on rants about how we're living in a sham marriage and how none of his mates go weeks without sex . Thing is though and I don't mean to give tmi but I do try and 'help him out' once a week or so , I just really can't face sex most of the time .

I've had my eyes opened on this thread and have a lot to think about now , so thanks everyone who's left a comment

OP posts:

Shoxfordian · 13/01/2019 14:30

He only values you as an object to cum in

His behaviour is disgusting

violetbunny · 13/01/2019 18:07

OP, please check out The Freedom Programme. I think it will really help you.

Also the book "Why does he do that?" by Lundy Bancroft.

TerriTummyTowels · 13/01/2019 18:21

This guy sounds like a total dick for sure and you should tell him no, but... there are countless other threads on MN where people in the majority have said it's understandable if a partner leaves a sexless relationship if they have a healthy sex drive.

So I'd advise you tell him you are not interested and he can either put up with it and sort himself out or end the relationship.

Horsemenoftheaclopalypse · 13/01/2019 18:32

4 children under 10

YABU for breeding with such an arsehole.

He doesn’t respect you and isn’t a good person - showing him this thread won’t change anything.
Your relationship is a non-starter

Strongmummy · 13/01/2019 18:37

It’s appalling that he can’t understand how you’re feeling. It’s also appalling that he’s bullying you into sex.

Tell him to go elsewhere and not come back

Strongmummy · 13/01/2019 18:40

@territummy - I think this is a rather different situation to other threads on sexless marriages. I would have some sympathy for the OP’s partner if he showed understood the OP’s situation, was sympathetic towards her, but explained he wanted to have a sexual relationship and discussed options with her. Like an adult. He hasn’t. He’s just thrown his toys out of the pram.

letsdolunch321 · 13/01/2019 18:48

Do not help him out at all OP.

He is an abuser, why entertain/stay with a man like this!! Seeing this vile specimens behaviour your poor children will think it is normal behaviour to insult women etc.

ALongHardWinter · 13/01/2019 19:10

Firstly,it's not misogyny,it's abuse. Secondly,why on earth have you kept having kids with this arsehole?

QuentinWinters · 13/01/2019 19:26

there are countless other threads on MN where people in the majority have said it's understandable if a partner leaves a sexless relationship if they have a healthy sex drive. except OP said they have sexual contact at least once a week. It's not sexless, he's an entitled twunt

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