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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Whose behaviour/ expectations are reasonable.

57 replies

Bullnoway · 12/01/2019 13:31

Married couple. Person A spills their just-off-the-hob soup on their hands and feet and also on the floor, counter and cupboard fronts. It was clumsy but accidental. They immediately run their hand under cold water from a fair while, then clean up the mess so the children don’t tread on it/ no-one slips before sitting down to eat.

Person B - who at the time of the spill had put butter in a pan on the hob but had not started cooking anything else, cracks and egg and fries it, puts it on their plate and sits down to eat their lunch.

Person A is sad because person B didn’t express any concern at all, nor helped to clear up the soup pouring down the cupboards onto the floor (there was a lot).
Person B is annoyed because person A was clumsy and wanted to get on with their lunch.

For clarity, the differing lunch menus were a choice and person B decided to have an egg at the last minute, so there is no undercurrent about not cooking lunch for one another. Person A is not hamming it up and is putting a burn cream on their hand.

OP posts:
CarolDanvers · 12/01/2019 13:32

Person B sounds like a right twat who doesn’t actually care about person A and feels only contempt and impatience towards them.

elvis86 · 12/01/2019 13:33

Person A has a victim mentality and too much time on their hands.

Ultramic · 12/01/2019 13:33

De-coding that...I'd be a bit pissed off at your DH's lack of concern/help too!

Is this a one-off and he's usually kind and caring?

hidinginthenightgarden · 12/01/2019 13:35

Person B is selfish. Person A seems a bit needy.

Bullnoway · 12/01/2019 13:37

Interesting. Is it needy to want someone to say “you alright?” after burning ones’s hand?

OP posts:
WhirlieGigg · 12/01/2019 13:38

Person B is a selfish twat who should have immediately asked if A was ok and started to clean up, then looked at A’s hand to check the damage and put burn cream on it. Obviously B doesn’t give a shit about A, nor about the safety of the children who could have slipped on the soup in the meantime.

MinorRSole · 12/01/2019 13:38

I'm not getting needy or victim mentality from what was written. Person a (presumably op) burnt herself but sorted it and person b (guessing dh) ignored her and made his own lunch.

A little bit of kindness is pretty essential in a relationship - person b sounds a bit mean spirited to me

GhostSauce · 12/01/2019 13:40

Person A is a man I'd guess.

WhirlieGigg · 12/01/2019 13:41

Is it needy to want someone to say “you alright?” after burning ones’s hand?

No. Asking if someone is ok is a normal reaction to an accident. Even if it’s a complete stranger in the street. Never mind if it’s your own partner! A normal person would see a stranger trip over, say are you ok and help them up. Surely your own partner would receive at least that basic level of concern!

Celebelly · 12/01/2019 13:41

If I was A and DP was B, he would immediately come to help without being asked (and has before as I'm quite clumsy so this kind of thing isn't unusual in our house!). But if for some reason he didn't, I'd say while I was running hand under tap 'Could you maybe mop that up so the kids don't slip in it' or something, so he wouldn't really get a chance to ignore it!

halcyondays · 12/01/2019 13:44

B should have asked if A was ok and helped clean up while they put their hand under the tap.

BeanTownNancy · 12/01/2019 13:45

If "person A" is constantly being clumsy then I could see why "person B" might be irritated and rolling their eyes, but they should still show concern at a genuine injury. I'm pregnant at the moment and being very clumsy, but my husband still asks "you ok?" for the 10th time that day when I've stubbed my toe or tripped over something like a clutz, with only the smallest of exasperated sighs.

ABoozedMoose · 12/01/2019 13:48

It is a bit needy and woe-is-me attention seeking to post about it while you wait for your cream to sink in.

Your other half is a bit of an insensitive dick but I am assuming was too hungry to care (and possibly bored with their partner being needy,)

InSightMars · 12/01/2019 13:51

If I were person B I’d definitely have asked are you ok and left the egg to set about cleaning up the spill. We have no small kids but we do have cats and I wouldn’t want them getting into the spilled soup and tracking it all over the floors and furniture. I wouldn’t be dabbing cream on the other person though, worst thing you can do for a burn for one thing and for another, it’s a grown adult they can put their own cream on. I’d also have countered a bit about clumsy buggers while discarding the first egg and starting to cook another. In my house, person A would do the same for me should the positions be reversed.

Person B here is a bit if an asshole and Persin A is coming across a bit babyish. Both U.

elvis86 · 12/01/2019 13:55

Posting about to scenario in the third person is just weird, when it's clear you're person A.

"Person A is sad..."😢😢😢 - needy.

If you're pissed off and think your husband was a bit of an unhelpful dick on this occasion, at least just say that.

CottonTailRabbit · 12/01/2019 13:56

Person A and Person B don't like each other at all. They are at war.

InSightMars · 12/01/2019 13:57

*chuntered not countered
*bit of an asshole
*Person not persin

Having that typo of a day.

WorraLiberty · 12/01/2019 13:59

If you're pissed off and think your husband was a bit of an unhelpful dick on this occasion, at least just say that.

This ^^

Why not just start a thread saying how unreasonable your DH is?

FWIW, I'd be pissed off too if he showed no concern or didn't help you.

CrazyOldBagLady · 12/01/2019 14:02

This wouldn't happen in our house, we'd show concern for one another and help each other clean the mess. I expect that would be the same in the majority of households anywhere.

TBDO · 12/01/2019 14:04

Person B isn’t kind. When kindness leaves a relationship, I think it’s kinda doomed.

allinthelineofduty · 12/01/2019 14:07

It is unreasonable to put cream on burns.

MeetJoeTurquoise · 12/01/2019 14:08

Person B was thoughtless. If I was A and my dh was B then he would've made sure I was attending to my burns and he'd have cleared up the mess.

BollocksToBrexit · 12/01/2019 14:08

It's not needy to feel sad when you partner shows they don't care about you. I'd feel sad if my husband had so little concern for me too. I can't imagine either of us not immediately checking on our loved one and helping them to sort out the mess. In fact I'd react the same to anyone burning themselves. How much hostility must you be harboring for someone to not even ask if they're ok?

NoIsACompleteButRudeSentence · 12/01/2019 14:09

I love these Person A and B attempts to sound neutral when they're really not, and it's so obvious who is who Grin

On the surface B sounds unreasonable, clearly, but also A sounds a bit of a martyr. Why didn't you A say "please can you help me wipe this up?". What is your relationship like generally?

Ibizama · 12/01/2019 14:10

Stop this person A and person B bullshit and just say who you are talking about. Pointlessly annoying