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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Whose behaviour/ expectations are reasonable.

57 replies

Bullnoway · 12/01/2019 13:31

Married couple. Person A spills their just-off-the-hob soup on their hands and feet and also on the floor, counter and cupboard fronts. It was clumsy but accidental. They immediately run their hand under cold water from a fair while, then clean up the mess so the children don’t tread on it/ no-one slips before sitting down to eat.

Person B - who at the time of the spill had put butter in a pan on the hob but had not started cooking anything else, cracks and egg and fries it, puts it on their plate and sits down to eat their lunch.

Person A is sad because person B didn’t express any concern at all, nor helped to clear up the soup pouring down the cupboards onto the floor (there was a lot).
Person B is annoyed because person A was clumsy and wanted to get on with their lunch.

For clarity, the differing lunch menus were a choice and person B decided to have an egg at the last minute, so there is no undercurrent about not cooking lunch for one another. Person A is not hamming it up and is putting a burn cream on their hand.

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratcett · 12/01/2019 14:15

Whichever of us was A or B, DH and I would have asked if the other was OK and switched our own pan off to clean up while the injured pArty saw to their hand.

Basic care for each other. When that's gone, what is there?

CardsforKittens · 12/01/2019 14:15

I sense a great deal of background.

Bullnoway · 12/01/2019 14:41
  1. I’m neither. My sister described this scenario earlier, but I wanted to keep it gender neutral.
  2. Burn cream.
  3. It’s always amazing to me how differently we all see the world.
OP posts:
Consolidatedyourloins · 12/01/2019 14:42

He doesn't give a shit does he?

We don't need the person A/B stuff to give you an objective opinion that he is a cunt.

Consolidatedyourloins · 12/01/2019 14:43

Well then her husband is a cunt.

Viggooooh · 12/01/2019 14:50

I’m sure the advice is not to put ant cream on a burn. I realise this is not the point of the thread!

Viggooooh · 12/01/2019 14:50

Doh any

Sexnotgender · 12/01/2019 14:52

Person B is a dick.

Pachyderm1 · 12/01/2019 14:56

Person B is a selfish fuckhead. Hope your burns are ok!

Motoko · 12/01/2019 15:06

Yes, I also hate the "Person A" etc thing. My answer would be the same, regardless of the genders involved, or the relationship. It can also get confusing, especially if there are more than two people involved.

Anyway, if you're not person A, (it was patently obvious that you thought person B was unreasonable) what is the point of this thread?

showmeshoyu · 12/01/2019 15:06

If this was an isolated incident, I'm shocked at the lack of care and attention, however I've known people in relationships where person A was insufferably careless and clumsy and these kinds of incidents were twice a day and the partner, for the good of their own sanity had to start ignoring them. But, based on the evidence provided, B was being pretty heartless and should have at least asked if A was ok.

reallybadidea · 12/01/2019 15:12

You shouldn't be putting burn cream, or any kind of cream, on a burn.

Frying an egg in butter is also unreasonable in my book.

Person A sounds like a bit of a selfish arse. Person B sounds passive aggressive for not saying, "oi, can you give me a hand here, I've hurt myself" and instead posting on Mumsnet.

Stompythedinosaur · 12/01/2019 15:14

B is a selfish dick imo. It would be normal to help someone in that situation.

Shesellsseashellsontheseashore · 12/01/2019 15:18

Well your sister's husband sounds like a selfish, nasty person. It should be instinct to help someone in that situation. I'd do it in work for colleagues never mind family members !

HotInWinter · 12/01/2019 15:19

Well, I'd have checked DH was ok, and cleared up the spilt soup before cooking the egg.

iklboo · 12/01/2019 15:23

Would your brother in law Person B have done the same if it was one of his children injured?

StreetwiseHercules · 12/01/2019 15:26

The answers will depend on the respective genders of person A and person B.

easyandy101 · 12/01/2019 15:30

This happened in our house once and an ill Person A (me) got heavily scarred and Person B (her) shouted at Animal C (cat) for reasons unknown while person A ran a cold bath and lay in it in an attempt to salvage some skin, wondering why Person B was shouting at Animal C

Then Person A wrapped themselves in cling film to stop their skin sticking to their clothes

Person B believed that Animal C had attacked me she told me later

thesnapandfartisinfallible · 12/01/2019 15:35

How do nice people end up married to these cunts is what I want to know?

Boysandbuses · 12/01/2019 15:40

So this is third hand.

Either there are serious issues in the marriage. Or she has made a little worse for effect.

Stories always get embellished everytime they are told.

tiggerkid · 12/01/2019 15:43

Reminds me of a situation I had in our uni flats once. We had this girl, whose boyfriend used to travel for nearly 3 hours to see her every weekend. Typically, she would cook their dinner, they would take it upstairs to her room and eat their while chatting and watching TV. All seemed nice and normal.

One weekend, he came to see her as usual. She cooked fish (one each). As he was coming up behind her, he accidentally dropped his plate. God knows why but he did. All food, of course, went all over the floor. The girl looked at him like he was an idiot, proceeded on to her room with her dinner and never came out later leaving him to clean up his food all on his own. I don't know what the poor guy ate that day for dinner but I must say everyone in the flat felt it was a bit nasty and selfish of her to do that to someone, who had just travelled for nearly 3 hours to see her.

The situation you are describing will be seen by some as nothing to be concerned about or, in fact, some will say person A is being oversensitive, needy etc. I personally think that person B was selfish and insensitive because most normal people would express some concern even to a stranger in that situation, let alone someone they live with.

I was once on a train where a woman accidentally spilled hot tea all over herself, and everyone near her was trying to make sure she was alright. People offered her tissues and helped her clean up. That's normal. Empathy. That's what makes us human.

Bullnoway · 12/01/2019 21:28

I agree. I think empathy is normal. I think it is a reasonable expectation in every relationship and particularly from one’s partner. My view is that there are lots of behaviours and issues which can be tackled. But if someone doesn’t feel empathy, I don’t think it’s something which can be changed. Be interested to hear if anyone ever has though.

OP posts:
Rockmysocks · 13/01/2019 06:03

Incredibly selfish and uncaring to not ask if you was ok and clear up spilled soup. Shouldn't need to ask for help when he knew you was hurt.

TheSerenDipitY · 13/01/2019 06:15

your husband should have asked if you were ok before he made his lunch

jessstan2 · 13/01/2019 06:22

Person B sounds like a self absorbed twat.
I had stew spilled on my feet last year, got blisters on my toes (full of blood), and still have a scar across middle of one foot so I sympathise with person A.