I am right to cancel all gifts from now on?

[Millionsofthings]

Asking for opinions on what you would do when you have received a gift designed to be an insult?

Bit if background. We had always gotten on well with BIL and SIL, even though other family members didn’t we always tried to keep in touch and tried to support them when they had a few issues.

We have 2 Dc which they buy for at Christmas and Birthdays and they spend £20-25 on them each. They have 5 DC which we buy for again both Christmas and Birthdays and we spend £30-40 on each of them. Obviously I have always been aware we spend but it’s never bothered me, they are our nieces and nephews.

All was well until a few moths ago when there was a disagreement in the family. Although things have been strained I still purchased what I usually would for the DC.

However at Christmas our DC received the absolute basic of gifts. Not even a small toy, nope it was a bottle of bubble bath each. No card. No sweets.

I felt the sudden change of gift was to deliberate offend us. I understand financially circumstances change but as they are currently on holiday in Florida I don’t think they have been living hand to mouth.

I handed in my gifts and BIL looked embarrassed and said thank you I didn’t need need to. Then got a message for SIL saying they had decided not to really do Christmas this year ( oh they also never sent something for us which they usually do, not even a card) we did sent them a card and a small token as we always do.

After DC had opend the bubble baths I still contacted them to say thank for you for gift. I don’t have an issue with my DC getting a smaller gift. What I am cross about is that an adult would use it as an opportunity to offend us.

My own DD Birthday is next month, am I wrong to be considered contacting in the laws ahead of time and ask them not to send a gift as we won’t be reciprocating Birthday or Christmas gifts from now on?

Financially our circumstances have changed as I have a new job which is less money while I train. I just feel why should I spend a few hundred pounds of them this year for birthdays and Christmas gifts for DC to get a bubble bath?! When I could put that money to better use?

Ok the other hand I don’t like the idea of cutting the DC out they haven the dinner anything!!

It's not her business that they have spent on a holiday. However, If OP and another couple have an agreement to buy for the children and other couple decide to stop that arrangement and not tell the OP, but still accept expensive presents from her for their own kids, of course it's her business.

And I maintain that if they can afford to take their kids to Florida, those DC are not deprived and don't need OP to spend money she can no longer easily afford and could be spending on her own DC. If other couple had been honest, the OP could have made different spending decisions.

Thanks for the responses!

I think I will continue to gift something but just a smaller token. BIL and SIL also accepted a gift for DD 2 just a week before Christmas. Dh message to ask if it had been delivered ok... the response was DD said thanks! 3 words... very dry!! As a parent I would have just said thank you!! They made a point of not saying thank you themselves just that DD said thank you.

I also hate petty shit and this is why I posted, I am finding this all very petty and I wish BIL and SIL would just say if they had a problem. THey choose not to say anything face to face but like to vent on social media. Other people have seen this and commented they felt it was were directed at us. I wouldn’t mind if we had actually done anything to them... we haven’t!

We helped MiL who they have had issues with ... MIL is a pain, but she was critically ill. I was good friends with SIL before this. We all have had our issues with MIL but she nearly died and I could not have just ignored how ill she was I love my DH and he wanted to help his mum so that’s what we did. We never asked them to get involved or questioned why they didn’t... it’s there relationship with her but they clearly feel we shouldn’t have helped. They say how much they dislike MIl but BiL is never done asking for money and they borrowed quite a bit of money from her when she was just starting to take ill.... if you don’t like someone why ask them for money!!

@Pinky I am not sure you have read what I said!! I don’t give to receive... if I did I wouldnt have purchased for 5 Dc and spend what I did on them for the best part of 5-10 year when I knew that BIL and SiL would spend less in return! If I gave to receive I would have stopped that a long time ago.

To the person who said I noticed the price and that says something about me. I know the price of things as I am a mum and some of our children are the same age so I know the price of toys... spending a few months preparing for Christmas kind of does that to you!

This is only a bubble bath but perhaps the the straw that broke the camels back!! If someone wants to cut back to go on holiday that’s absolutely fine but none of this was mentioned. I don’t expect anything form anyone for my Dc and any guesture is nice, but for it to suddenly change after there was some words it makes me feel it was just used as an opportunity to hurt us.

I am very aware things can spiral and it’s difficult to resolve issues which is why I didn’t want to just stop.. my DCs also have no other cousins as I am an only child...but there has been no contact with the children for 6 months now... SIL has a get to gether for DD2 and never asked our DC so I just as much as I don’t want to have a big family break up the damage has already been done. I don’t mean to drip feed but this issue is the tip lf the iceberg which has been going on a while now!

Thanks to all that posted I have read th comments and it’s good to have other people’s perspectives:)