AIBU to think something is going on?

[ArchiesMumm]

I'll try to keep it short and simple. I can't shift this horrible gut feeling that my partner is doing something behind my back.

Little background, we have an 11 month old son and I'm 6 months pregnant with our 2nd son. Happy relationship. Nothing major has happened that leads me to distrust him (a few niggles and irrelevant 3rd party stirring at the beginning), that's about it.

We were child free Saturday, so went out for a drink. I saw a friend in the pub, chatted for a few mins and off she went to the toilet. Another friend of mine that works on the bar followed her in and overheard her telling someone on the phone that she'd seen me, I'm so many months pregnant and that me and my partner 'seem to be happy'. I don't understand that comment as we've not been rocky (not to anyone's knowledge, anyway). We were last year in June for a week or two, but sorted it between us and that was that. He definitely wouldn't have spoken to her as he doesn't know her and they have no mutual friends due to age gap.

I asked what he thinks she meant by that. He said he doesn't know. He was a little shifty. I asked him if he had anything to admit to, he said 'no I have not', avoiding eye contact, acting shifty. He lied to me.i know when he lies to me, it's so obvious. He tells little white lies and it usually doesn't bother me, but when it's to do with being unfaithful or to do with another girl, I don't like it. I'm not usually a jealous person but he's done this quite a few times now, and is doing it more and more which is making me suspicious.

I've ignored all of this in the past because I've never had any concrete evidence, but he's lying more, and when confronted he is shifty, evasive, defensive, finds a way to blame me then is nasty and personal towards me. It only makes me think he's guilty even more.

So please AIBU to think somethings not right? It all sounds so pathetic and childish when I read it back, I feel so silly. is this just hormones? 😩

Out of interest why did you think the relationship going bad over summer was your fault?

I've been the other side, were my Partner wanted to know who everyone was and then would question things, to the point that I couldn't freely mix at work etc.

It would seem that the friend in the pub went into the toilet specifically to make a phone call to someone, to say that she'd just seen the 2 of you together. She might have happened to receive the call just as she went in, but you say that the friend who works in the pub followed her in and she was already on the phone. It does rather sound as though she was reporting back to someone.

I think you are utterly paranoid and I feel sorry for your partner:

OP ignore the bitchy vipers, only read the constructive comments.

*Has he ever been unfaithful?

Do you 'allow' him to be mates with Women that he works with etc? Have you put him in a position were he has to lie for a quite life?*

He's never (to my knowledge) been unfaithful towards me. There has been a couple of issues where he was speaking to others. One was quite disgusting (to do with a picture of his down below) and another he was talking to, but made out they were friends and caught them out. I have absolutely no problem with who he's friends with, I'm very secure and quite relaxed. Don't care if he decides to go out or have friends of which are girls. We have the same sense of humour, so have a laugh when he says he has banter with one of the girls we work with.
*
Is he that much of a catch that a young Woman in Uni would throw herself at him?*

We are both still quite young, I've only just turned 24, he is 29 this year and is a nice person. He isn't a flirty person, but will with people he likes, he had quite a reputation before I had got with him, but not for cheating.

Is it possible that he used to go out with this woman? Or one of her friends? And she was just phoning to have a gossip because she had seen you....?

why did you think the relationship going bad over summer was your fault?

We had become a bit distant and thought it was because I wasn't giving him attention as much as I was concentrating on being a mum. Whether we drew apart because of that or his own reasons I'm not sure

I think you are utterly paranoid and I feel sorry for your partner

You are entitled to your opinion and can understand why you'd think that, but as I've explained to PP, I'm generally very relaxed, don't care if he wants to go out, go watch the football, go boxing, see friends, have friends that are women, etc etc. He is always in work half an hr early and back late a lot of the time and never ever question it.

I'm not usually the jealous type. But then maybe pregnancy has made me more paranoid 🤷🏻‍♀️ although, they do say a lot of men cheat while their partners are pregnant

So he has sent dick pics to another women and you know he lies about knowing other women , why would you be quite secure given that?

Talk to the friend if you can rely on her to be discreet. Ask her if she knows anything.

Birdie my friend that overheard her said she was on loud speaker to her mum, so I doubt it (u less her mum is his ex🤣) but I have shifted that to the side as I wonder how she knew it was her mum unless she had seen her phone

He sent dick pics whilst you were together??? Or have I mis read that???????

“they do say a lot of men cheat while their partners are pregnant”

Define a lot. In my experience it’s really quite rare.

Another one hear wanting more details on the two occasions. Did he sent another woman a picture of his penis? And what was the other thing he was caught doing?

I'm sorry but there is no way that sending a photo of his bits to his frmail friend is innocent. I'd be fuming if my DH did that

Is it your hormones? Could be
Is your past ex making you see things that arnt there? Could be
Is he cheating? Could be
From what you've written, I can't really tell what could be going on, but there's no actual evidence. I'd carry on and just be aware, but don't write him off just yet or drive him away.
If I was innocent and my partner quizzed me like you have it would start to piss me off.

Just seen the update about dic pics!
When was that!!!

Funny how the dick pic thing has only come out much later in the thread.

catx if my DP sent any female a dick pic he would find his stuff on the doorstep and never see me again. No one does that as a ‘joke’, the intent is clear...even if nothing actually happened

Not quite sent someone a picture while we were together, it's a bit strange. I don't know when this picture was sent, but she had sent him a picture on his dick back to him and said something along the lines of 'the biggest I've seen'. Instead of telling her to fuck off or politely saying he now has a girlfriend and doesn't appreciate messages like this, he responded asking if it was still the biggest she'd seen and I didn't see anything after that, kicked off and he grovelled. The talking to someone else, they'd been messaging since before we got together, I thought they were just friends (because that's what he told me). He made me meet her because they were such good friends, then the next day found revolting messages about what they wanted to do with each other. I confronted them both and he's never spoken to her again. Again, grovelled

It doesn’t really make sense that it’s just general chitchat to discuss someone ‘s pregnancy stage and relationship status when they’ve specifically hidden away in a toilet and made an immediate phone call to do it. I might say to mutual friends that I’ d run into X at Y the next time we meet, but wouldn’t ring straightaway with status reports.

But if partner sends dick pics it’s pretty obvious that he is the type to cheat .

Inertia that's what I thought, the way she'd gone straight off to the loo and was on the phone talking about me, I don't know why she would do it. I was as confused as you

mobyduck I am genuinely interested - who are you referring to with “we would say something like...”, who are “we”

He made me meet her because they were such good friends, then the next day found revolting messages about what they wanted to do with each other. I confronted them both and he's never spoken to her again. (So he says)

So he's 'fessed up to this and the Cock Shot text he's been caught out with, and denied the Facebook girl lie.

Oh darling, do you want this for the rest of your life?

In answer to your thread title, yes YABU to only think something is going on.

You know something is going on. It is blatantly obvious. You shouldn't be wondering if he is. You should be putting in plans to ltb. Sorry op. I know you are trying to justify all of his actions with plausible reasons but I really don't think there are any real excuses for his behaviour. Even if he hasn't actually slept with anyone, he has no respect whatsoever for you or your feelings.