AIBU to think something is going on?

[ArchiesMumm]

I'll try to keep it short and simple. I can't shift this horrible gut feeling that my partner is doing something behind my back.

Little background, we have an 11 month old son and I'm 6 months pregnant with our 2nd son. Happy relationship. Nothing major has happened that leads me to distrust him (a few niggles and irrelevant 3rd party stirring at the beginning), that's about it.

We were child free Saturday, so went out for a drink. I saw a friend in the pub, chatted for a few mins and off she went to the toilet. Another friend of mine that works on the bar followed her in and overheard her telling someone on the phone that she'd seen me, I'm so many months pregnant and that me and my partner 'seem to be happy'. I don't understand that comment as we've not been rocky (not to anyone's knowledge, anyway). We were last year in June for a week or two, but sorted it between us and that was that. He definitely wouldn't have spoken to her as he doesn't know her and they have no mutual friends due to age gap.

I asked what he thinks she meant by that. He said he doesn't know. He was a little shifty. I asked him if he had anything to admit to, he said 'no I have not', avoiding eye contact, acting shifty. He lied to me.i know when he lies to me, it's so obvious. He tells little white lies and it usually doesn't bother me, but when it's to do with being unfaithful or to do with another girl, I don't like it. I'm not usually a jealous person but he's done this quite a few times now, and is doing it more and more which is making me suspicious.

I've ignored all of this in the past because I've never had any concrete evidence, but he's lying more, and when confronted he is shifty, evasive, defensive, finds a way to blame me then is nasty and personal towards me. It only makes me think he's guilty even more.

So please AIBU to think somethings not right? It all sounds so pathetic and childish when I read it back, I feel so silly. is this just hormones? 😩

What did he lie about when you asked? I can’t seem to find it in the thread 🙈

West I had asked if there was anything he wanted to tell me (it sounds like an interrogation but I promise that's not how it came across 🙈 I chuckled asking him!) and he said he didn't. that's it, but he lied, I can tell when he lies because he is so bad at it 🙄 which is why a huge part of me thinks I'm being stupid because I have absolutely nothing on him, just that I know when he lies. Although he has done quite a few times and it's always to do with other women

*Sorry my comment probably comes across a little bit rude but...
If my boyfriend came home and said a friend heard another friend in the bathroom asking about him and if he looked happy. Do you have something to say?

I’d be very confused and very upset with the accusation x*

You have got it out of context.
I'm a man, and the only time I would deny knowing a woman who worked with me and was a Facebook friend, would be if I was very interested in her.
We say something like: " Oh, Julie, never even noticed her. Is she on Facebook? I may be working late on Saturday."

I don’t feel like you’ve found the smoking gun ...yet.
I would try and forget about it for now unless something else comes up that confirms your suspicions 😇

That’s not the woman that made the phone call is it OP?? The one from work? That would be different? X

Interesting though how you think he is lying and everyone is saying go with your gut instinct and on another thread where a partner is insecure he is described as controlling and abusive.

West no not the one. The girl that made the phone call was a friend I'd seen in the pub, that was it. We had a quick chat and off she went to the loo

I'm so sorry OPbut it does sound super dodgy. I can't think of an innocent explanation for that type of call really...

I agree with PP, I think you should call your friend and ask her, sister to (pregnant) sister to tell you what that call meant.

Sweeney I understand what you're saying and know many people that control their partners because of their own insecurities, but I feel like if I was to be labelled as controlling there would be more controlling elements, as opposed to I know he's lying, I've not done anything about it in the past... or the present for that matter, help me understand what's going on. I'm not insecure, don't get me wrong I'm no size 6 like I used to be but I used to be very insecure and anxious years ago, definitely don't feel any of that anymore, pregnant or not 🤷🏻‍♀️

I would talk to your friend and asked her what she meant by her comment. It doesn’t sound good though

Call your friend, it may all be very innocent, it may not.
At least then you can think about what you want to do.

I don’t think the conversation itself sounds shady. I’d imagine the conversation went something like this:

Friend- “I’ve just seen Jane in the pub”
Caller- “Oh yeah? Is she well?”
Friend- “Yes, she’s 6 months pregnant”
Caller- “Is she still with John then? How are they doing?”
Friend- “They seem happy”

Just polite chit-chat

Everything else is suspicious though so when you put it together, it doesn’t look good

OP thinking of you, is he with you now? X

I'm not too bothered about my friends phone call, I did think the comment was a bit strange but could have just been a misunderstanding on my part, it's more so what it led to, ie me asking him not-so-seriously about confessing and him being a little sh*t 😂😩 he is with me now, we'll, he came in from work, stayed downstairs for two hours then came up and went straight to sleep. No change there.

What ever happens OP please believe that you will be ok and get through it. 💐Try to get some sleep, lack of sleep really messes with your mental health x

I am in no way suggesting you are controlling @Archies. I just find it odd that a woman is told her gut instinct is always correct and a man must be using it as a way of control. He could be lying because he is a cheating, he could be lying because he knows you have been hurt in the past and he doesn't want to give you cause for concern or he could be telling the truth and just be uncomfortable with the conversation. Ultimately you have to do what you think is for the best.

What sweeney said.
Gut instinct is revered on mumsnet. - but only for women !

In real life is is not in the least reliable.

@Smallhorse I have to disagree. There are many times when your intuition can tell you things long before proof emerges. We're taking about an intimate relationship, there can be immeasurable, indescribable niggles that let you feel something is wrong before anything concrete comes to light to confirm it.

As to intuition only being revered as a female phenomenon... I kind of think it is. Men and women are very different and I do think women are more intuitive than men. I know "women's intuition" is an outdated phrase but I think it's a thing nevertheless!

I agree with what coveted suggested that maybe the friend had been talking about you being pregnant and the other person on the phone was possibly surprised at that due to you having your young ds and asked
If you were pleased about it....

However, your insistence that you know when he is lying puts a different spin on it.
I do believe in gut instinct. It's rarely wrong.
I hope you're ok op

OP, you mentioned talking to people about your relationship. In my experience, happy couples never discuss details of their relationship with anyone else . That should be a red flag that you felt the need to talk to a friend/family.

This is from experience of a being with a serial cheater/abuser (20 yrs ago)

so asked him who she was and he said he wasn't sure ( and quickly changed subject) which is odd as he's been there since the place opened. Find out he definitely does know who she is as she worked there in the summer and that they're Facebook friends.

Did you know he was lying when he said he wasn't sure?

Did you know he was lying when he said he wasn't sure?

He was definitely shifty, he didn't give me a straight answer it was just a 'oh I'm not sure don't recognise that person' which I picked up to be a lie. Had no idea why he would as he's never been like that about anyone he may or may not work with, with her it's different. That now tells me something went/is going on. She no longer works there, she did for a little while in the summer before she went off to uni. And our relationship was hard in the summer - I thought it was my fault.

The funny thing is this girl and the friend on the phone don't seem to know each other, but have a lot of mutual friends. Whether that's something to do with it or I'm just looking way into it. But we live in a small place where almost everyone knows everyone. If she were to talk and get back to someone decent enough to say something to me, then I'd know. Girl in question came in before Christmas to have a drink with some of the girls that still work there and didn't get a good vibe from her at all

oh I'm not sure don't recognise that person' which I picked up to be a lie. Sorry just to add, I then proved to be a lie because he had her on Facebook and spoke to one of the girls that work on the bar and she said he definitely knows who she is. Which makes me even more sure when he is lying that he is.

I agree with you OP it's very iffy, if I were you I would try to carry on as normal and keep your eyes and ears really open now, if he is the type of guy that fools around you will find out soon enough, I really feel for you, big hugs 💐

Has he ever been unfaithful?

Do you 'allow' him to be mates with Women that he works with etc? Have you put him in a position were he has to lie for a quite life?

Is he that much of a catch that a young Woman in Uni would throw herself at him?

If you take every comment and private phone call and dissect it, I can understand why you don't get good vibes off people.