AIBU situation with DS at nursery

[Jenni5443]

Today my DS (3) went to nursery at 12:10 he had lunch at home with me. When it came to snack time at Nursery he ate "a lot of snacks" apparently he told them he hasn't had any breakfast or lunch (very strange don't feel my DS would just come out with that) so I go to pick him up at 15:10 and I get called into the office and said that my DS today has said he hasn't had any breakfast or lunch so we have had to note that down in our system. AIBU to think that is abit harsh to note that down my DS is clearly well looked after my DD also attended this nursery so have known the staff for 6 years. Just feel abit of a shitty parent would like some opinions

Don’t overthink it. They do have a duty to the children in their care - even though it may not be true surely it’s better that they take these precautions?

I can imagine that whilst eating his snacks a nursery worker commented along the lines of “you’re hungry, didn’t you have lunch?” Your ds preoccupied with snacks “no”, What about breakfast? Your DS still preoccupied or realising that he will get more snacks if they think he hasn’t eaten “no”. It also could be that he doesn’t have the vocab/memory to articulate what he ate.

I wouldn’t worry, you’re not a shit parent. They can record what they want and they are right to do so (remember Daniel Pelka- he wasn’t fed at home) but if he is clearly a well nourished boy I would expect them to take your word for it. Laugh it off.

They believed a 3 year old over you? I’d be annoyed too.

Wallisfrizz that's exactly how I thought it may have gone...

It's honestly not a judgement on you as a parent, they make these notes about everyone.

3yr olds say all sorts of things. They also sometimes eat lots and sometimes don't eat much at all.

Safeguarding children is important so notes are made of things which are a possible concern. I would not worry about it and I would be happy that nursery took notice and then asked you about it.

If you were a parent who was struggling to feed your 3 year old child, nursery noticing could be the start to directing you to some sources of help.

I just get really worried about these things. I'm sure as every mum does we doubt ourselves constantly and never think we are doing good enough and when something like this happens makes you feel crap

A little boy (Daniel Pelka) starved to death a few years ago and the nursery/school were criticised heavily for not acting sooner, believing the mum's explanations etc. so this is something early years setting are hot on now.

They have to note these things down. What is one thing now for your son could be a very different story for another child. Small things like this can become multiple things and the bigger picture can only be painted if things are noted down.

Thanks guys I don't feel so crap about it now, I thought with them noting it down they genuinely thought I didn't feed him.

I think they’d be obliged to record it and tell you. They really, really would have to tell you. Could you imagine if an ex or a childminder or a grandparent was not feeding them when they had them and the kid was telling them and they didn’t tell you? They’ll be fine after you told them, it’s ticking a box.

Think of it as a nursery doing exactly the right thing. That should reassure you that your little boy is being well cared for there. They noticed Wray he was eating, asked him about it, noted what he told them and then informed you.

What - not Wray

I work in a school nursery. Due to safeguarding we MUST note down on the system anything that may cause concern....most will be nothing but some of it may be serious but it all helps build up a bigger picture.

I'd just be reassured the nursery takes concerns seriously. I doubt they think you haven't fed him. But it's right for them to note it down.

When my dd started I was either filling in a accident form for a bruise she got at home or signing one or several when I picked her up for some accident at nursery.... I used to get defensive thinking they would judge me... then I realise they note them in case something untoward is going on.... now it's a running joke if there is no form to fill in.

It's just safeguarding and they need to do it for everyone.

I would be unimpressed too. I know they have a duty of care to ask, but logging is a bit far.
When DD was at nursery, her younger DS (We now know to have Aspergers) hit her in the face with a toy, giving her a black eye.
She went a few days after to nursery, and I mentioned her brother had hit her, hence the eye.
Sometime after I left, they took her aside and she said when asked, that her brother did it, calling him his name.
I was again asked at home time, was a bit irritated but just said politely, as I had already explained, DS did it.
Thought nothing else of it until later on in the evening when two women knocked at our home. DH was home doing dinner and answered the door to have these two ladies flash badges and push past into the house demanding to speak to DD alone as nursery had reported DH for hitting DD!
Despite both DD and I saying what happened, nursery decided when she called her brother by his name, she meant her Dad as DS is named after him. I was livid, she has never referred to her Dad by his Christian name, it was totally OTT and then because these ladies interrogated her in her room, she was dreadfully upset. I was told I would hear from them and DH would need to leave the home if anything else "came to light".
I was so angry with nursery and to this day believe it was down to sour grapes as they asked me if I was going to take a place for DS the next term (they were desperate for new children joining) and because we had moved he was joining the nursery at DDs infants. They knew it was DS not DH. He wanted to sue. We made a complaint to the social services as well and they removed it from their records and apologised.

That's terrible passtheginplease sorry you had to go through that

It isn’t personal, it isn’t about you. It’s just procedure. Records need to be kept in real time, this is what he said, this was mother’s explanation. No judgement, just matter of fact record.
It’s a sign of good nursery, they are good at safeguarding. They will keep your child safe. Be reassured by this, not frightened.

If a few people get a bit upset at feeling ‘safeguarding’ has gone too far then it is worth it for another child to have their life saved as someone noticed they were hungry and neglected.

I am a DSL and training and my experience says that a whole lot of horrid goes on in some homes. I’d rather be over zealous than worry I was the professional that let the child slip through the net and they ended up dead.

If they had a serious serious concern you would not have been told and the first you would have heard would have been from a social worker or the police, not the nursery.

Logging it is NOT a bit far, PassTheGin. What happened to you was clearly unreasonable but early years workers have a duty of care to record things like this. The goal is to identify any potential patterns to prevent another Daniel Pelka, who starved to death because his mother explained away his constant hunger as a medical condition.

OP, in all likelihood your son made a passing comment or was misinterpreted, the staff member rightly reported it to the safeguarding lead, and it was noted down. If he did that regularly it might go further. As it is, nothing more will be said and no one is judging you. If a child was actually having nothing to eat before they came to their afternoon session, wouldn't you want that to be noted? It's just in case.

In our safeguarding training we're taught to never think it can't happen. Because it can and does, and early years workers need to be on the ball about it.

I’m a bit surprised that they took him seriously!!! 3 year olds say all sorts of shit. I think it depends what they’ve written in the book. If it’s “ X had lots of snacks today. He said he’d not eaten lunch, but mother reassured us he had” Fine. If it’s X told us he hasn’t eaten lunch” I’d be rather annoyed and would be speaking to the manager

Legally they have to write things like this down because when child abuse is discovered (not saying that’s the case here) but it’s often all the little written down notes tha make up the big picture but individually are not cause for concern. The health visitor who wrote down the child was constantly under weight and appeared dirty, the nursery who were told by the child they hadn’t been fed a few times, the nurse who cleaned the wound of a child whose parents said they fell. Individually these things may seem like just children’s accident or minor things but put them together they build a picture. I work in safeguarding children and believe me child abuse is rarely as obvious as a battered child.

I think they are being over zelous over one comment from a young child. Especially if that child looks well fed and is healthy/no other concerns. If they said it repeatedly then yes, log it and mention it to parents but kids say random things all of the time.

My son is 5 and is in reception. He is a bright little boy but if i ask him what he had for lunch at school he usually either days 'nothing' or 'I don't remember'. I know full well that he hasn't had nothing! I mentioned it in passing once to the teacher and it's really common apparently. Young children are exploring so much in a day that remembering what they have eaten is actually quite difficult so it's often easier to say 'nothing' than actually thing what they had.

They are hinting at neglect. That's pretty low